the same patient..

part 2...


So after a few days off, I went back to work last wee. And that patient (read my previous post) has been staying in ICU since then.


Guess what....He is now reading the Message Bible and 'What so amazing about Grace' by Philip Yancey. That's really amazing.


I told him that I'd been praying for him, and each time he would look at me as though it was something huge...and nod his head, said 'Thank you, really!'


And every now and then he would share with me about his thoughts...and that he has misunderstood God, and now he is enjoying God's grace.


And he is really keen to visit the church that I go to.


He said,' Hey guess what, I told my wife about what you told me and she nearly fell over! She couldn't believe it and who knows, she might come with me to your church, and my son too!'


I don't dare to claim any credit for myself. All I hope and pray for is his transformation and the salvation of his whole family and his friends!


Who knows what God has planned for him?


Who knows if God will use him to bring other drug addicts to Him?


We shall see what will happen. However, even if nothing would happen, I believe the seeds were planted. Everything will happen in due time.

and HE found him...in the hospital

God works in mysterious ways that we never know, because He is God, and He often catches us off guard.







I have a story to tell.... 01:30 am, Christmas Day 2008.





I was working on a night shift in ICU. That wasn't really my shift, but out of good will I volunteered to cover my Aussie colleague who just has a young baby , obviously she would deserve to spend her Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with her family.





So I was working. The clock ticked past 12 am , and hurray, Merry Christmas!





There was a 40 year old man who was brought in the ICU for his badly damanged kidneys for investigation. This man is noted to be a long term IV drug user.





Somehow I felt very burdened for him. I felt compelled to tell him about Christ.





It so happened (I believe it was a divine appointment) that he needed short term dialysis for his stuffed kidneys, and my job was to insert a dialysis catherter into his groin.





So I was all scrubbed up, and started preparing his groin for the procedure. Then I casually started a conversation with him revolving around Christmas.





Finally I asked, 'Do you know the real meaning of Christmas?'





'Yea, about the birth of Christ into the world. '





Wow..this man seems to know a lil bit, I thought. Then I went on sharing the Gospel with him, and told him that no matter what sins he had commited in the past, God will forgive him and give him a new start, as long as he believes.





At this point, he was stunned, speechless, and his eyes turned red and teary.





A brief moment of silence.





Then he said,' I can't believe God sent me a Christian doctor....' and he repeated that twice.





I didn't know what he meant by now, being filled with the Spirit (hmm...how come I felt as though I was the apostle in the NT? ), I started telling him,





'God is not done with you, that's why you are still alive today after all the drug abuse. And He has planned a great destiny with abundant blessings for you, what happened in the past is in the past, and your life in future is not determined by the past failures. Today is your day of breakthrough and He is calling you to turn to Him, and He will renew you ...etc etc'





(I can't remember exactly what I said, all the more it proves that it was the Spirit speaking through me)





Then this patient started tearing.





He told me he used to go to church, and he still believed in God. Just that he'd been back and forth addiction to the drugs, and he felt he was not good enough to be a Christian and God would not be pleased with him. He tried and tried many times but he failed, so he gave up all together.





Even though he thought God must have forgotten about him, he still secretly hoped that God would one day reach down to him and help him....





He continued to tear and said, 'HE has not forgotten about me, HE has found me even in the hospital, by sending you to tell me this. '





He kept saying this, 'HE has found me even in the hospital...'





At the end he decided to repent and turn back to God, and learn to rely on God's strength to get rid of his drug addiction.





He said it himself, 'Salvation is by grace. '





I grabbed his address, and told him I 'd write to him and pray for him so that he's not alone. He said, 'No, I am not alone, God has found me agaín. '





I prayed for him before I left, and gave him the chuch contact details.





Hmmm





I am really touched. Really really touched. Through this I have seen it with my own eyes the power of His grace, and experienced with my own heart the love of God. There is no sin so big that God will not forgive. There is no distance so far away that God cannot reach us. No matter how far we run from Him and try to hide, He will find us. He never forgets.



He has found him, even in the hospital.

The cross

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I love this photo that I took as I walked past a church.

I love the fact that the cross stands tall with the thick layers of dark cloud as the backdrop. And the sharp contrast between the bright and white cross and the dark cloud. The sky was clearing up and a streak of blue began to be visible.

Even darkness is not dark because the glory of the Lord has overcome all darkness. Just lift up your chin and eyes, look past the buildings, look past the crowd, look past everything else, and the cross will always stand tall.

I have learnt this through the years of walking with God. Lift up your eyes like a conqueror, and you will see the cross, and Christ is no longer on the cross because He has ascended to His throne.

Merry Christmas:) all the world.

What does God want from me?

He wants nothing but my love. Not love with any string attached, but a childlike love from a pure heart.


Unfortunately , I am a mere mortal.


It is so easy to be entangled with the ways of the world. I have not strayed away, I have not consciously sinned against Him, I have not abandoned His commandments. But have I forgotten about the cross? Maybe.


And that's a sin.


The greatest commandment, to love my God with all my heart, my soul, my mind and my strength.


What does God want from me?


It is in here, in my chest, and that's the place He put my heart.


I will love and worship You in my place of obscurity now.


And never let me forget, what You save me from.

oil painting

I have always wanted to try oil painting but for some unknown reasons I have never had the motivation to do it.


Until today. This is my first experimental oil painting on canvas.


My mindscape is filled with many different colours and images. I feel the artist in me is slowly waking up again.

nostalgia

I stayed up late...I get to do this sometimes, very rarely. It's my off-week, staying up and sleeping in is perfectly justified.

I am in a very nostalgic mood now.

I thought of all my friends who have crossed my path. I thank God for them...some were in my life for a short period of time, for a certain purpose that only God knows; some were for a lil longer, and of course, some are still lingering in my life now.

I thought of Skye tonight. He has been with me since 1995. We saw each other's ups and downs. He was always the angry big brother who was a bit too over protective, and held grudge against all boys who dared to come near me, because they were not good for me. I asked him all the time (I still ask him now), ' am I your best friend?' , just for fun.

I know the answer, we don't need to say anymore. ' Best friend' is a very loose term. None of us in this world have only one best friend for the whole life. People come and go, we have a best friend in kindie, a best friend in primary school, another best friend in high school, and best friend in college, in uni, in workplace, in church, ...in different phase of our lives, God gives us different friend/group of friends to journey with us.

This makes our lives colourful and sentimental. You were my best friend in primary school, but for some reasons, we lost touch with each other...we hardly hear from each other anymore, but you hold a special place in my heart...then you were my best friend, now u still are, in a special way...

I think of Yean Ching. We knew each other since 1988, and were like twin sisters since then until high school. We had our secret codes, and we used to spend hours on the phone everyday. She's in the States now. I dunno what she's doing but I still think of her sometimes. Yean Ching...I wanna tell you I am getting married...

I think of KaGee and Shu Kuen. We were so close in Form 4-5. We stayed over at each other's place, we had our own shared journal, we talked about dreams and our future...

I think of Fei Gei , we made our first backpacking trip together at 15. We kinda got distant from then.

I think of Ming. We were 16 and we shared about our ambitions to change the world, to make the world a better place. He accepted Christ a few years back too...we met again this year, it was a very heart warming experience to be able to talk about Christ. We still wanna change the world, but now in Christ =)

I think of my friends in Ringwood...Ah Gu, Woan Yi...I miss those days dearly. I am still having you guys now :)

I think of ah Voon. My heart broke when she went back home for good. We were so close, so close, so close to each other. We lived under the same roof, we went to the same church, we did everything together. She's amazing and I love her so much. I believe we aren't done with each other.

I think of Tan Tan...the silly girl who has touched my heart. I know her journey. I know her ups and downs; as well as she knows mine. I remember the long nights of holding hands and walking randomly on the street, passing the baton to her. I remember she once said ,' it's so powerful when we serve together....' One day she'll leave too...Oh how I love and miss her..

I think of my OCF committee in 2005-06. I think of everyone there. Arthur, Goh No, Paul, Qi, Ling,wei jian...of course voon and tan tan. I remember spending every Saturday morning praying together and sharing...I remember how supportive and teachable they were. I remember how they were the pillars of this ministry. What can a president do without her capable committee? I loved each of them.

I think of my Fuzzy...ngaw...She is so cute, so full of life, so funny...We got very crazy in the company of each other. The outings were never boring because of her. She's a true friend who will stand up for me and protect me from unnecessary/ potential threat. I miss you u know...Adelaide is different without u.

And many more...many many more names that I remember and cherish , many many more familiar faces that have appeared in my life and owned a corner in my heart. And, many many more who are with me now...

As I count my blessings, I thank God so much. All the scenes of my life flash like videa clips in my mind, and as private and aloof as I am , they still involve friends who have shared my journey.

I wonder what they will write on my tombstone, one day if I join my Father in Heaven. Will they remember me like how I remember them?

This is not a tombstone, just a chimney in a beautiful evening when the sky was purple. I took this photo across the fence...

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Merry Christmas

The photo was taken on King William Road.

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Merry Christmas =)

A slow walk after dinner with your loved one...a camera in hand, the spring breeze, the setting sun casting her last beams on a scratched glass door...

Life is simple and beautiful.

Risk taking

It has been a long time since I shared the Gospel with strangers. Friends, yes. They are alright because they know me and my story , so there's not much of risk involved in sharing the gospel with my unsaved friends.


But the last time I evangelised to a stranger was 4-5 months ago, while I was still working in ED. There were plenty of opportunities to minister to my patients.


For some reason, I have stopped doing so.


And it doesnt feel right...as though I have lost the saltiness of salt in the world. Pastor Matt gave a very inspiring sermon on Sunday. Risk taking. Share the gospel to everyone. What do you have to lose? Christ lost his life (willingly) for us, what do we lose if we in turn tell His story of sacrifice?


So I've decided to again take the risk. Can't be a jolly happy Christian and be content in my own salvation and blessings.


Yesterday after work , I brought a small bible to one of my ex-patients who was discharged from ICU. He nearly died of severe lung disease because of chronic smoking. But somehow miraculously he survived and stayed with us for more than 3 weeks on the breathing machine. He has made drastic recovery, now here he is, sitting in the chair on a normal ward.


I brought that lil bible who has been sitting in my bag for ages. I chatted with him briefly...and handed him the bible as a christmas gift. I told him that he survived this time for a greater purpose. God is not done with him...and Christ died for him etcetc.


I noticed a change in his expression as I gave him the bible. He said he would read it . I dunno what else I could say, just prayed in my heart that God would speak to him through His very own Word.


Then today as I was walking to the gym, a young woman caught my sight. She looked sad and weird; her eyes were filled with some form of fear and uncertainty. She was just standing there...waiting for something.


I walked past her. For some reason I kept thinking of her. I kept on walking...but my heart was very unsettled. Hmm....what do I have to lose, just take the risk.


So I turned back. Strangely she also began to walk to where I was (although I am pretty sure she wasn't after me) . I stopped her...and asked if she was ok. She was obviously shocked by the greeting of a stranger...I told her my heart felt strange when I walked past her and just felt like telling her that Jesus loves her.


Her expression changed. I couldnt tell what that expression was about...but at least I know what I spoke carried certain impact.


Anyway...it's not that difficult at all. All I need is just a willing heart and constant prayer. God will use every occasion and opportunity to speak to His ppl through us.

La Mer

La Mer means The Sea in French....

I have liked this song for a long time...the first time I heard it was in an arthouse film...

Then I think I heard it again in one of the best French and foreign language films called The Diving Bell and the Butterly...

An absolutely beautiful song...it is like it brings my feet off the ground, and I start floating in the sky...flying across the ocean...like God is showing me the beautiful creation...

La Mer...

backache

From now on I will be more empathetic towards my patients with backache...


Now I know what it feels. Sigh. The persistent muscle spasm is killing me. I can't seem to find a comfortable position, can't sit, can't stand, can't lie on my back, can't sneeze can't cough can't bend over, can't walk too long...can't exercise...


Kevin said he would bring me to see a GP and he promised he would not tell the GP that I am a doctor too...


I know what they will tell me...here's some pain killer, rest in bed for a few days, the pain should go away , if it doesnt recover in a few weeks, come back and do an xray and we will see how it goes...


I saw a couple of dozens of patients with backache in ED , this was what I would say to them...

More photos

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Back in those days (last year, not that long ago), this used to be one of my favourite places.

When I got a bit lonely, when I felt a lil melancholic, I would grab my camera bag and spend the whole afternoon here.

God often speaks gently to me through His beautiful creation. Look at the ducks, look at the birds, look at the flowers and treees...If I care to make them beautiful, how much more I will care for you? :)

The BIG 4th of Novermber, 2008

So I have something to tell the world.

Come and meet my fiance...Kevin.

Be happy for me won't you? :) For I have found my true love. God is really good.

It was a beautiful night and we went to a good old cafe for dinner. I remember that place. He held a farewell dinner there...just before he left for Melbourne for good. We dint think anything would happen at all from then.

Then we took a slow walk to the old chocolate place on Rundle Street. Hmmm....that was where we first confessed to each other...

So we were on Rundle street, as we turned into the small alleyway, he suddenly knelt down...brought out this big shiny monster....and asked me the big question...

How would I say no while he was doing this in the middle of the street? Stupid man! I looked left and right to make sure if anyone saw us....then a very very hasty nod...

'okie okie...quick...hurry up...a lot of ppl are watching..!!'

So he put the ring on my finger... got up from his knee...and we hugged for a long time....

Some bystanders who were getting into their car saw us obviously...they gave us a honk and raised their thumbs to cheer for us.... sweet.

hmmmm.......

:) I am a silly woman smilling like crazy. I know it must be God...but I dunno what courage He has given me to bring me to this stage. I would not have pictured this a few months ago.

My hermit crab life in the shell was comfy though it was also dark and cold.

A boy hermit crab came along, left his own shell, crawled to my shell home, knock knock knock....

knock knock knock.....until I opened the door...

He grabbed my hand, and dragged me out of that shell.

What would my life be if he chose to ignore his feeling for me in the first place? What would we be now if I dint open my mouth and tell him, ýes, I would be lying if I said I didn't like you...'

What if I continued to be an ice princess to him...What if he didn't come to Adelaide at all for that one year...

We could have missed each other just like that... this possibility scares me.

But I see the work of God everywhere from the beginning to now. Who is able to move a stubborn mountain like me other than God? God must be laughing out loud now....

'Who was this girl who said out loud about her gift of celibacy? Did I give her this''gift''?

Who asked ME to take this man away? '

No one knows what we need more than God does. He knows. And He cares deeply for each of us. Things will come when we seek His kingdom first. and when it comes, it comes beautifully , at the right time, to the right place. That's God. That's Him.

soul searching...

I've fallen in love with intensive care medicine.


I love it I love it I love it.


What about surgery? I have been asking myself and God a lot a lot of questions.


Not that I have not faith to walk the rough surgical path. But God began to show me He has not called me to be a surgeon.


Then why did I have the burning desire to be a surgeon? If it wasn't God then why did I have the desire?


Then I realised that becoming a surgeon has become a goal that drives me forward. Deep down inside, maybe I wanted to prove something. When I talked or thought about surgery, it always involved a lot of hardships and sufferings. I felt suffocated by this dream.


I kept asking God to show me.


Then until I did my ICU rotation (and I am still doing it now)... It is a totally new and interesting experience. I have fallen in love with it. I can see myself doing it as a specialty.


And it is a different feeling from surgery. In surgery, I see myself chasing goals, proving myself and playing the politics game. But in Intensive Care, I see myself thriving.


Everyone says the same thing about intensive care and me. 'Siew Wai, you are cut out for this. you are thriving. you are so passionate when you talk about intensive care. '


Yes, I think so. I think so....


So I was meant to finish off my intensive care rotation today and change over to surgery tomorrow. This morning I had a crazy idea, what if I stay on for 1 more term and ditch surgery?


But I have to find someone to replace me in my surgical position....


I asked my friend B who is currently in surgery, if he was keen to stay on there to replace me...but B was meant to move to anaesthetic department even though he is dying to carry on in surgery; so he cant replace me unless he found someone to replace him in anauesthetics. So what now?....


You will not believe this.


My other friend C who is now in ICU with me is keen to go to anaesthetic department...but he couldnt go because no one would replace him in ICU....


In the end , my friend C is very happy to replace B in Anaesthesia department; so B can stay on in the surgical department; and because B is staying on in the surgical department , he can replace me; and in turn, I will replace my friend C in Intensive Care.


All 3 of us are very happy,...we have got what we wanted. Looks like a perfect solution that pleases everyone!!!


I know it must be God. MUST BE GOD....Just within 1-2 hours...the problem was solved and I get to stay on in ICU.


:) looks like ICU is for me.

23/10/08

I sat down and had a look at my 2009 calender. I dunno since when my life has been 'governed' by diary and calender...

3 weeks of mission course in January

Change job in February

4 big courses interstates over 4 weekends in Feb/march/april

research paper to be published

My brother gets married in March

Hopefully an interview with the Surgeons College in June

Hopefully a 2-3 week mission trip in September

......

....

..

.

.....and endless nights of study

and work...and work....

I won't have time for myself...for church...for friends and family.

I feel so weary looking at these. Sometimes I feel like opting for an easy way out....maybe just be an emergency physician? only 5-6 years of training...hassle free.

But if it is God's will, He will surely make a way for me won't He? =)

The battle has just begun.

Looking at potential obstacles does not help us. But looking at God the author and perfector of our faith is the only way to go.

I trust in You , My Lord.

If I make it through, it will be all by His grace.

the JAW....

okie, this is not about the man-eating-shark. Not the film the Jaw...but my jaw.


Kevin was in town 2 months ago, at my place.


I said 'Lets have some dinner rolls.' ..So I proudly took out the Woolworth dinner rolls that I just bought, and put them into the microwave.


' Noooooo!! You aren't supposed to cook them in the microwave! You have to oven it!' ..he said...


Oops..but in order to prove my point, and to show him how great an invention microwave is, I insisted that microwave was great for cooking everything.


So I cooked my dinner rolls in the microwave....and it turned out rubbery hard, of course.


It's ok. I was proving my point, so I had to happily tear and chew the bread roll . At least I had to pretend that it was a pleasant and happy eating experience.


By this time Kevin has already abondoned eating the breadroll. He stared at me in disbelief.


Yeay!! I was almost done! Just one more bite! ...Suddenly I felt my left jaw was clicking and sore, as though it had fallen off .


So.... as the story goes on...


I think I have partially dislocated my jaw. Now I can't open my mouth big and wide. I can't eat anything hard/crunchy. I have to double up the time on chewing , and everything that I put in my mouth has to be cut into small pieces.


And it clicks each time I chew.


Awww...... There goes the era of stuffing a whole orange(small orange) in my mouth and eating 6 slices of pizza in 15 minutes.


Everyone laughs at this...Apparently no one cast their sympathy because the injury was self inflicted. sigh...


My friend said 'Maybe God has to use this to teach you to be feminine and eat like a lady. hahaha'


Hmm..it is truly very amusing. I told you, I think God has given me a 'clown' like spirit to amuse ppl around me.

15/10/08

(My drawing...15/10/2008)

Have u had those moments where suddenly the presence of God is so overwhelming that u can't help but weep?

When He comes like that, you will feel His one gentle touch melts your heart away. All the life that you have lived in the past count for nothing compared to the one face-to-face moment you have with God.

And the world around you spins. All the scenes in the past play in your head like a slideshow running at 10/10 speed. You are again reminded how bad a sinner you were and who saved you from hell.

Who has saved you? He.

And He saved you once, He is still saving you again and again from your everyday battle. His never ending love, grace and mercy know no limits.

I don't understand His love at all. The more I know Him the more I realise I didnt actually understand Him.

I studied a lot into the subject of 'Grace'.

But I've also learned that no one is the best teacher of 'grace' but God Himself. It can't be taught. It can only be experienced. I remember I posted once about this. Once you've tasted grace, you will not forget it.

When He comes to you, He comes with His grace. And He wraps His arms around you....

Hmmm...I had this moment again . Couldn't help it...but ran home and drew this picture. Oh I love You Jesus.

Let there be LIGHT

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I really like this photo that I took in Sydney. It was at a very quiet train station, with my dearest sister. Again...a train station. Train stations are always a place of inspiration to me.


As I looked at the staircase thru the viewfinder and pressed the shutter button, God whispered in my ear, ' Let there be light and there is light.'


The light shines from above into the darkness, and it casts its brightness on each step that I climb upwards...


Like a stage. 'Chinnggggg' the spotlight is turned on, the solo dancer dances gracefully on the steps in the beam... :)


I love this imagery.

i just like this

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Again, this is one of the shots from the Tulip Festival. I quite like this. Like God was looking at me from above...

But I am not that strong all the time.

I have had moments of weakness, and my failures that I wish God didn't point out to me.

Where is my first love?

Chasing after the dreams and the thing called 'calling' has blinded my vision and hardened my heart.

I lived like a rich man who would not let go of his treasure and follow Jesus.

I remember, when I had nothing, God was my best friend and first love.

Must come back to my first love. Not my career. Not my dream and calling.

----

Just random...

I was almost gonna sign up to take part in the Adelaide Fringe 09 for visual art/photography exhibition.

Hmm... anyway, I didnt think I was ready for that scale.

Maybe 2010 :)

The flowers - the Gardener

Sometimes we feel forgotten and abandoned.



Sometimes we have broken dreams, broken hearts, broken relationships...



We feel we are all alone.



No one understands us...



Even we pity ourselves.



And as though our enemy is laughing at us...'look at you, what a pity...you are all by yourself..'





































It's true. I am all by myself.



But God picks me up and plant me in solid foundation. He grows me, waters me, and naurishes me.



I can survive in any condition any place.



Even if it is by myself, I grow strong.

And I become stronger and stronger in God's hands.

He is the Gardener.

I blossom and flourish in His Garden.

He looks at me from the heaven. He smiles and says, ' Hmmmmm....this is good and beautiful.'

( Tulip Festival, Victoria, 4/10/08 ..... www.siewwai.zenfolio.com )

next year...

I got a job for next year!:)





Don't be surprised that I am so happy.






People generally think that doctors are the very blessed group of profession who do not have to worry about unemployment. Unfortunately it is not that case anymore.






Well...lemme rephrase that, getting a job is easy, but getting something that you really want is another story.






A few months ago I put in my application for a surgical position in another hospital for next year.
Then there was a very long period of waiting. In that period all I was told by various sources was, the surgical positions were very limited and due to a large number of applicants, there was a high chance that I might not be offered the job.






I was very cool about it in the beginning, but as days went by and I'd not heard anything from the hospital, my anxiety level began to increase.






But God has been very good to me. He has not failed to speak the truth to me in my darkest hours. When the enemy tried to tear me down with his lies, God guarded me with His word and promise.






My heart has been burning to be a surgeon. When I close my eyes I dream of operating on the mission field. But how do I get there? It seems so far and impossible. The training is difficult, and to get me in to the training program is in itself a difficult process. How do I do that?






God keeps reassuring me that He has spoken and He will do it. Just believe.






--


Last Friday.
My friend told me he did not get the job. Oh no! I thought. This is not good for me....:(






He applied for the same position , and he has done so much more preparation than I have. They rang him a week before for a phone interview, yet he was rejected. How about me....I have not even heard anything from them up to then..






I felt my heart was sinking and sinking...I remember I was babbling to God , pleaseeeeee help me... I had no other option but to trust in God.






At about 3pm , half way thru my work, God spoke to me. 'Now go and check your phone.'






I rushed to the office, grabbed my phone, and guess what....






God's timing is always good. I saw a missed call and a voice mail from the hospital. I returned the call, and was told that I was offered the job.I don't even have to go thru any interview.






Oh Lord...I am so grateful for His provision. I've done nothing, I know it is all Him. Even though I am not in the training program yet, but by giving me this job for next year God is showing me that I am on the right track and He will open more doors when the time comes.






How wonderful our Lord is. I wanna sing for Him, I wanna dance for Him. I know that if I become a surgeon, it is He who makes it happen. I have nothing to offer Him, but my inadequacy and weaknesses. I know He loves me. ' The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. ' - Psalm 51:17






More hardships will come in between me and the dreams that God has planted in my heart.






I will not give up. Never.

My flag

This was taken in Victoria, July...

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I had a very bad day at work today. I've been constantly made to feel stupid,useless and insignificant by various ppl, inlc my boss.

Well that's not the meat of this post.

So the conclusion is, I had a bad bad bad day.

For some reasons, in the past few months I've been feeling progressively discouraged to a point where I doubted if I was a good doctor. Will I even become a surgeon?

It's hard to believe when your vision is clouded. But the thing is, I have not strayed away from God at all....why do I still feel lousy about myself ?

Then God has begun to work in me in the last few weeks, and it has been an amazing process. Upto yesterday , I felt that my heart has almost recovered. But something was still missing....I lacked the Ommmmh....the flame that I used to have.

Until today.....

I got into the car after work...I blasted the music , and I sang praises to God. Then suddenly I was again reminded that what I went thru today was not something new.

'Siew Wai, have you not been there before?'....I could almost see His grin.

Suddenly I was reminded, yea...that's familiar, that's the same old trick that the devil uses all the time. I've had many of those storms previously. And in the past, with God's power, I've always overcome them like a conqueror.

But lately life has been smooth sailing (and sweet because I've met someone wonderful:)) and I've become a lil too comfortable. I forgot that my battle had not finished. I let down my guard and the enemy crept in.

Naw.... then all the more I sang louder, and praised and prayed. I m not gonna let the enemy stop me from praying.

Once again I felt that the fire in me has come alive. The slumbered giant is awakened and roarrrrrrrrs at the enemy just like what she used to do.

And I stretch my Faith muscle, I take ground, I raise the flag of victory :)

Do you have dreams?

So cute...

by siew wai, 6/9/08













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Everything begins with a thought , I call that 'a dream'.


Everyone has at least a dream or dreams in their lifetime. God gives us the ability to dream and even the dream itself. Everyone has dreams. Dreams that are fulfilled, or dreams that die and go with them to the grave.


What is your dream? Do you remember once you have had many many dreams when you were younger? Children don't stop to dream because they do not yet know the world. But when they grow up, they drop their dreams because the world tells them their dreams are silly and they are never good enough to have those dreams come true.


I had many dreams, and I still have many now. I am big on having dreams. Some dreams have already become realities, some are still in the forms of dream, but I have not stopped believing that those dreams will come true.


I don't believe life is just about growing up, going to school, finish the education, getting a job, finding a partner, getting married, having children, growing old, retiring, and dying.


Of course, these are the inevitable , and they are important. And each of these teach us about life, about ourselves, and most importantly , about God.


But those are not the 'thing' that we live for. How boring and dull life would be otherwise.


I am a strong advocate of living for dreams, or in other word, the purpose of God in my life.


God has given a lot of dreams and prophecies when I was younger. I hold on to them, when things get difficult and my vision clouded, I hold on to the promises of God. When the images in my dream fade, God comes in again to remind me that I am destined for greatness (SO IS EVERYONE, as long as you believe) .


Ezekiel has lately become my most studied passage. Ezekiel means 'strenghened by God'. God says there many many times, that 'I The LORD have spoken and I will do it.'


I will dream on, and walk in the light of God. Be strong and very courageous, do not be terrified, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go .