nostalgia

I stayed up late...I get to do this sometimes, very rarely. It's my off-week, staying up and sleeping in is perfectly justified.

I am in a very nostalgic mood now.

I thought of all my friends who have crossed my path. I thank God for them...some were in my life for a short period of time, for a certain purpose that only God knows; some were for a lil longer, and of course, some are still lingering in my life now.

I thought of Skye tonight. He has been with me since 1995. We saw each other's ups and downs. He was always the angry big brother who was a bit too over protective, and held grudge against all boys who dared to come near me, because they were not good for me. I asked him all the time (I still ask him now), ' am I your best friend?' , just for fun.

I know the answer, we don't need to say anymore. ' Best friend' is a very loose term. None of us in this world have only one best friend for the whole life. People come and go, we have a best friend in kindie, a best friend in primary school, another best friend in high school, and best friend in college, in uni, in workplace, in church, ...in different phase of our lives, God gives us different friend/group of friends to journey with us.

This makes our lives colourful and sentimental. You were my best friend in primary school, but for some reasons, we lost touch with each other...we hardly hear from each other anymore, but you hold a special place in my heart...then you were my best friend, now u still are, in a special way...

I think of Yean Ching. We knew each other since 1988, and were like twin sisters since then until high school. We had our secret codes, and we used to spend hours on the phone everyday. She's in the States now. I dunno what she's doing but I still think of her sometimes. Yean Ching...I wanna tell you I am getting married...

I think of KaGee and Shu Kuen. We were so close in Form 4-5. We stayed over at each other's place, we had our own shared journal, we talked about dreams and our future...

I think of Fei Gei , we made our first backpacking trip together at 15. We kinda got distant from then.

I think of Ming. We were 16 and we shared about our ambitions to change the world, to make the world a better place. He accepted Christ a few years back too...we met again this year, it was a very heart warming experience to be able to talk about Christ. We still wanna change the world, but now in Christ =)

I think of my friends in Ringwood...Ah Gu, Woan Yi...I miss those days dearly. I am still having you guys now :)

I think of ah Voon. My heart broke when she went back home for good. We were so close, so close, so close to each other. We lived under the same roof, we went to the same church, we did everything together. She's amazing and I love her so much. I believe we aren't done with each other.

I think of Tan Tan...the silly girl who has touched my heart. I know her journey. I know her ups and downs; as well as she knows mine. I remember the long nights of holding hands and walking randomly on the street, passing the baton to her. I remember she once said ,' it's so powerful when we serve together....' One day she'll leave too...Oh how I love and miss her..

I think of my OCF committee in 2005-06. I think of everyone there. Arthur, Goh No, Paul, Qi, Ling,wei jian...of course voon and tan tan. I remember spending every Saturday morning praying together and sharing...I remember how supportive and teachable they were. I remember how they were the pillars of this ministry. What can a president do without her capable committee? I loved each of them.

I think of my Fuzzy...ngaw...She is so cute, so full of life, so funny...We got very crazy in the company of each other. The outings were never boring because of her. She's a true friend who will stand up for me and protect me from unnecessary/ potential threat. I miss you u know...Adelaide is different without u.

And many more...many many more names that I remember and cherish , many many more familiar faces that have appeared in my life and owned a corner in my heart. And, many many more who are with me now...

As I count my blessings, I thank God so much. All the scenes of my life flash like videa clips in my mind, and as private and aloof as I am , they still involve friends who have shared my journey.

I wonder what they will write on my tombstone, one day if I join my Father in Heaven. Will they remember me like how I remember them?

This is not a tombstone, just a chimney in a beautiful evening when the sky was purple. I took this photo across the fence...

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Merry Christmas

The photo was taken on King William Road.

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Merry Christmas =)

A slow walk after dinner with your loved one...a camera in hand, the spring breeze, the setting sun casting her last beams on a scratched glass door...

Life is simple and beautiful.

Risk taking

It has been a long time since I shared the Gospel with strangers. Friends, yes. They are alright because they know me and my story , so there's not much of risk involved in sharing the gospel with my unsaved friends.


But the last time I evangelised to a stranger was 4-5 months ago, while I was still working in ED. There were plenty of opportunities to minister to my patients.


For some reason, I have stopped doing so.


And it doesnt feel right...as though I have lost the saltiness of salt in the world. Pastor Matt gave a very inspiring sermon on Sunday. Risk taking. Share the gospel to everyone. What do you have to lose? Christ lost his life (willingly) for us, what do we lose if we in turn tell His story of sacrifice?


So I've decided to again take the risk. Can't be a jolly happy Christian and be content in my own salvation and blessings.


Yesterday after work , I brought a small bible to one of my ex-patients who was discharged from ICU. He nearly died of severe lung disease because of chronic smoking. But somehow miraculously he survived and stayed with us for more than 3 weeks on the breathing machine. He has made drastic recovery, now here he is, sitting in the chair on a normal ward.


I brought that lil bible who has been sitting in my bag for ages. I chatted with him briefly...and handed him the bible as a christmas gift. I told him that he survived this time for a greater purpose. God is not done with him...and Christ died for him etcetc.


I noticed a change in his expression as I gave him the bible. He said he would read it . I dunno what else I could say, just prayed in my heart that God would speak to him through His very own Word.


Then today as I was walking to the gym, a young woman caught my sight. She looked sad and weird; her eyes were filled with some form of fear and uncertainty. She was just standing there...waiting for something.


I walked past her. For some reason I kept thinking of her. I kept on walking...but my heart was very unsettled. Hmm....what do I have to lose, just take the risk.


So I turned back. Strangely she also began to walk to where I was (although I am pretty sure she wasn't after me) . I stopped her...and asked if she was ok. She was obviously shocked by the greeting of a stranger...I told her my heart felt strange when I walked past her and just felt like telling her that Jesus loves her.


Her expression changed. I couldnt tell what that expression was about...but at least I know what I spoke carried certain impact.


Anyway...it's not that difficult at all. All I need is just a willing heart and constant prayer. God will use every occasion and opportunity to speak to His ppl through us.

La Mer

La Mer means The Sea in French....

I have liked this song for a long time...the first time I heard it was in an arthouse film...

Then I think I heard it again in one of the best French and foreign language films called The Diving Bell and the Butterly...

An absolutely beautiful song...it is like it brings my feet off the ground, and I start floating in the sky...flying across the ocean...like God is showing me the beautiful creation...

La Mer...

backache

From now on I will be more empathetic towards my patients with backache...


Now I know what it feels. Sigh. The persistent muscle spasm is killing me. I can't seem to find a comfortable position, can't sit, can't stand, can't lie on my back, can't sneeze can't cough can't bend over, can't walk too long...can't exercise...


Kevin said he would bring me to see a GP and he promised he would not tell the GP that I am a doctor too...


I know what they will tell me...here's some pain killer, rest in bed for a few days, the pain should go away , if it doesnt recover in a few weeks, come back and do an xray and we will see how it goes...


I saw a couple of dozens of patients with backache in ED , this was what I would say to them...

More photos

More photos on www.siewwai.zenfolio.com

Back in those days (last year, not that long ago), this used to be one of my favourite places.

When I got a bit lonely, when I felt a lil melancholic, I would grab my camera bag and spend the whole afternoon here.

God often speaks gently to me through His beautiful creation. Look at the ducks, look at the birds, look at the flowers and treees...If I care to make them beautiful, how much more I will care for you? :)

The BIG 4th of Novermber, 2008

So I have something to tell the world.

Come and meet my fiance...Kevin.

Be happy for me won't you? :) For I have found my true love. God is really good.

It was a beautiful night and we went to a good old cafe for dinner. I remember that place. He held a farewell dinner there...just before he left for Melbourne for good. We dint think anything would happen at all from then.

Then we took a slow walk to the old chocolate place on Rundle Street. Hmmm....that was where we first confessed to each other...

So we were on Rundle street, as we turned into the small alleyway, he suddenly knelt down...brought out this big shiny monster....and asked me the big question...

How would I say no while he was doing this in the middle of the street? Stupid man! I looked left and right to make sure if anyone saw us....then a very very hasty nod...

'okie okie...quick...hurry up...a lot of ppl are watching..!!'

So he put the ring on my finger... got up from his knee...and we hugged for a long time....

Some bystanders who were getting into their car saw us obviously...they gave us a honk and raised their thumbs to cheer for us.... sweet.

hmmmm.......

:) I am a silly woman smilling like crazy. I know it must be God...but I dunno what courage He has given me to bring me to this stage. I would not have pictured this a few months ago.

My hermit crab life in the shell was comfy though it was also dark and cold.

A boy hermit crab came along, left his own shell, crawled to my shell home, knock knock knock....

knock knock knock.....until I opened the door...

He grabbed my hand, and dragged me out of that shell.

What would my life be if he chose to ignore his feeling for me in the first place? What would we be now if I dint open my mouth and tell him, ýes, I would be lying if I said I didn't like you...'

What if I continued to be an ice princess to him...What if he didn't come to Adelaide at all for that one year...

We could have missed each other just like that... this possibility scares me.

But I see the work of God everywhere from the beginning to now. Who is able to move a stubborn mountain like me other than God? God must be laughing out loud now....

'Who was this girl who said out loud about her gift of celibacy? Did I give her this''gift''?

Who asked ME to take this man away? '

No one knows what we need more than God does. He knows. And He cares deeply for each of us. Things will come when we seek His kingdom first. and when it comes, it comes beautifully , at the right time, to the right place. That's God. That's Him.

soul searching...

I've fallen in love with intensive care medicine.


I love it I love it I love it.


What about surgery? I have been asking myself and God a lot a lot of questions.


Not that I have not faith to walk the rough surgical path. But God began to show me He has not called me to be a surgeon.


Then why did I have the burning desire to be a surgeon? If it wasn't God then why did I have the desire?


Then I realised that becoming a surgeon has become a goal that drives me forward. Deep down inside, maybe I wanted to prove something. When I talked or thought about surgery, it always involved a lot of hardships and sufferings. I felt suffocated by this dream.


I kept asking God to show me.


Then until I did my ICU rotation (and I am still doing it now)... It is a totally new and interesting experience. I have fallen in love with it. I can see myself doing it as a specialty.


And it is a different feeling from surgery. In surgery, I see myself chasing goals, proving myself and playing the politics game. But in Intensive Care, I see myself thriving.


Everyone says the same thing about intensive care and me. 'Siew Wai, you are cut out for this. you are thriving. you are so passionate when you talk about intensive care. '


Yes, I think so. I think so....


So I was meant to finish off my intensive care rotation today and change over to surgery tomorrow. This morning I had a crazy idea, what if I stay on for 1 more term and ditch surgery?


But I have to find someone to replace me in my surgical position....


I asked my friend B who is currently in surgery, if he was keen to stay on there to replace me...but B was meant to move to anaesthetic department even though he is dying to carry on in surgery; so he cant replace me unless he found someone to replace him in anauesthetics. So what now?....


You will not believe this.


My other friend C who is now in ICU with me is keen to go to anaesthetic department...but he couldnt go because no one would replace him in ICU....


In the end , my friend C is very happy to replace B in Anaesthesia department; so B can stay on in the surgical department; and because B is staying on in the surgical department , he can replace me; and in turn, I will replace my friend C in Intensive Care.


All 3 of us are very happy,...we have got what we wanted. Looks like a perfect solution that pleases everyone!!!


I know it must be God. MUST BE GOD....Just within 1-2 hours...the problem was solved and I get to stay on in ICU.


:) looks like ICU is for me.