holiday!!

:) finally i m on holiday now. yay, i m finally back in KL, my home sweet home. I have been dreaming about this moment.One month ago since I made the sudden decision to take all my annual leave to come home, my heart started pounding every time I thought of home. For nearly a month I had insomnia because whenever I lay in bed and closed my eyes , I visualised my family, the food, the shopping, the ppl in KL..


Ok, the last time when I was back here was just 6 months ago. But this time it feels very different, a 2week-break back home comes very timely after 6 months of heavy labour.
And this time I feel different , for the first time I feel that I am an independent grown up in front of my parents because I am making my own income now. It feels very right and good to show my parents I am able to look after them as well as myself.


So everyone is good here including Brownie. Surprisingly this time she didnt bark at me. In the past few years whenever I came back to Malaysia, she usually barked at me the moment I stepped into the house, and it usually took her a good 5 mins to recognise me. We've concluded that she might have dementia. I am very glad to see her this time, for fear I might not see her next year because she is already 10 years old...


Mom and dad are really good and as cool as usual. Dad's blood pressure and mom's blood sugar have worried me a bit, otherwise they seem to be happier and younger than before.It took me a while to convince him to comply with his blood pressure lowering medicine. Mom has been behaving herself that she has cut back on sugar . I am relieved to see that they have been living a very healthy life that is balanced between work, rest, healthy diet and abundant social events.


My bro and his gf are still the same, hopefully getting married next year. My brother adores his two younger sisters like no one else :) At home he plays like an 18 year old kid with us ; at work he leads the company like an authoritative boss. This man was the kid who fought with me and gave me a nose bleed after a punch in my nose. Now he is the young boss who has expanded my dad's business, very soon he will take over the business . I m proud of him :)


My sister...my sister :) To this day it is still difficult to believe this baby is already 20. I have been spending all my time with her since arrival. I can't control it but keep telling her how cute and beautiful she is, to the point where she gets bored of my compliments.


I am so blessed with a family like this. I believe my Lord has heard my prayer and cry day and night, I strongly believe my family will be saved eventually. This is a blessed family, united by love , yet it will be even better if all of us bow down and worship the Lord. Many times I close my eyes and in my imagination I see mom and dad pray for us, then tears roll down my cheeks and intense pain eats my heart away. When , when will my family come to the Lord? I will not give up , and pray until the day they are saved.


Well, in my next post I will try putting up some pictures. Brb :)

Where is the safest place in this world?

Since very very young I have always had a feeling of insecurity. When I was 2 (I could remember thing as far as the age of 2 :> ) I knew I was alone when my parents brought my older brother overseas and left me with my aunt. I still vividly remember the feeling of helplessness and loneliness when I woke up from an afternoon nap and found out my parents had left home for holiday, I was just 2 years old.

Then as I slowly grew up, I grew up with a strong feeling that I did not belong to this world. I was constantly surrounded by ppl / materials/ events, yet deep down I felt detached from any human being or anything or any place in this world. For this reason I used to traveled/ backpacked a lot and journaled on trains/buses/planes.. I remember I wrote something like this on the train: I feel like I am a premature chick who can barely fly/walk because my wings and legs are not developed, I am ditched in an ocean and drowned because I can't swim, I don't belong to the ocean...

And tadaaa! Guess what, I found God. And I learned that it is real that I don't belong to this world, that's why I had that strong feeling of being detached from this world.

So a long time ago I asked God the same old question that I used to think about. God, is there a place that is safe and secure in this world?

God answered, no, there is no place safe enough to make you feel secure. The only place that is safe and secure is the place where you have the most intimate communion with ME.

Since then I became convicted that no matter where I go, up to the heavens, the far side of the sea, the end of the earth... and even if I am alone, I shall feel safe and secure because I know there is no safe place in the world, the only safe place is the place where I have closest communion with God.

Just a spontaneous posting :)