23/10/08

I sat down and had a look at my 2009 calender. I dunno since when my life has been 'governed' by diary and calender...

3 weeks of mission course in January

Change job in February

4 big courses interstates over 4 weekends in Feb/march/april

research paper to be published

My brother gets married in March

Hopefully an interview with the Surgeons College in June

Hopefully a 2-3 week mission trip in September

......

....

..

.

.....and endless nights of study

and work...and work....

I won't have time for myself...for church...for friends and family.

I feel so weary looking at these. Sometimes I feel like opting for an easy way out....maybe just be an emergency physician? only 5-6 years of training...hassle free.

But if it is God's will, He will surely make a way for me won't He? =)

The battle has just begun.

Looking at potential obstacles does not help us. But looking at God the author and perfector of our faith is the only way to go.

I trust in You , My Lord.

If I make it through, it will be all by His grace.

the JAW....

okie, this is not about the man-eating-shark. Not the film the Jaw...but my jaw.


Kevin was in town 2 months ago, at my place.


I said 'Lets have some dinner rolls.' ..So I proudly took out the Woolworth dinner rolls that I just bought, and put them into the microwave.


' Noooooo!! You aren't supposed to cook them in the microwave! You have to oven it!' ..he said...


Oops..but in order to prove my point, and to show him how great an invention microwave is, I insisted that microwave was great for cooking everything.


So I cooked my dinner rolls in the microwave....and it turned out rubbery hard, of course.


It's ok. I was proving my point, so I had to happily tear and chew the bread roll . At least I had to pretend that it was a pleasant and happy eating experience.


By this time Kevin has already abondoned eating the breadroll. He stared at me in disbelief.


Yeay!! I was almost done! Just one more bite! ...Suddenly I felt my left jaw was clicking and sore, as though it had fallen off .


So.... as the story goes on...


I think I have partially dislocated my jaw. Now I can't open my mouth big and wide. I can't eat anything hard/crunchy. I have to double up the time on chewing , and everything that I put in my mouth has to be cut into small pieces.


And it clicks each time I chew.


Awww...... There goes the era of stuffing a whole orange(small orange) in my mouth and eating 6 slices of pizza in 15 minutes.


Everyone laughs at this...Apparently no one cast their sympathy because the injury was self inflicted. sigh...


My friend said 'Maybe God has to use this to teach you to be feminine and eat like a lady. hahaha'


Hmm..it is truly very amusing. I told you, I think God has given me a 'clown' like spirit to amuse ppl around me.

15/10/08

(My drawing...15/10/2008)

Have u had those moments where suddenly the presence of God is so overwhelming that u can't help but weep?

When He comes like that, you will feel His one gentle touch melts your heart away. All the life that you have lived in the past count for nothing compared to the one face-to-face moment you have with God.

And the world around you spins. All the scenes in the past play in your head like a slideshow running at 10/10 speed. You are again reminded how bad a sinner you were and who saved you from hell.

Who has saved you? He.

And He saved you once, He is still saving you again and again from your everyday battle. His never ending love, grace and mercy know no limits.

I don't understand His love at all. The more I know Him the more I realise I didnt actually understand Him.

I studied a lot into the subject of 'Grace'.

But I've also learned that no one is the best teacher of 'grace' but God Himself. It can't be taught. It can only be experienced. I remember I posted once about this. Once you've tasted grace, you will not forget it.

When He comes to you, He comes with His grace. And He wraps His arms around you....

Hmmm...I had this moment again . Couldn't help it...but ran home and drew this picture. Oh I love You Jesus.

Let there be LIGHT

www.siewwai.zenfolio.com


I really like this photo that I took in Sydney. It was at a very quiet train station, with my dearest sister. Again...a train station. Train stations are always a place of inspiration to me.


As I looked at the staircase thru the viewfinder and pressed the shutter button, God whispered in my ear, ' Let there be light and there is light.'


The light shines from above into the darkness, and it casts its brightness on each step that I climb upwards...


Like a stage. 'Chinnggggg' the spotlight is turned on, the solo dancer dances gracefully on the steps in the beam... :)


I love this imagery.

i just like this

www.siewwai.zenfolio.com

Again, this is one of the shots from the Tulip Festival. I quite like this. Like God was looking at me from above...

But I am not that strong all the time.

I have had moments of weakness, and my failures that I wish God didn't point out to me.

Where is my first love?

Chasing after the dreams and the thing called 'calling' has blinded my vision and hardened my heart.

I lived like a rich man who would not let go of his treasure and follow Jesus.

I remember, when I had nothing, God was my best friend and first love.

Must come back to my first love. Not my career. Not my dream and calling.

----

Just random...

I was almost gonna sign up to take part in the Adelaide Fringe 09 for visual art/photography exhibition.

Hmm... anyway, I didnt think I was ready for that scale.

Maybe 2010 :)

The flowers - the Gardener

Sometimes we feel forgotten and abandoned.



Sometimes we have broken dreams, broken hearts, broken relationships...



We feel we are all alone.



No one understands us...



Even we pity ourselves.



And as though our enemy is laughing at us...'look at you, what a pity...you are all by yourself..'





































It's true. I am all by myself.



But God picks me up and plant me in solid foundation. He grows me, waters me, and naurishes me.



I can survive in any condition any place.



Even if it is by myself, I grow strong.

And I become stronger and stronger in God's hands.

He is the Gardener.

I blossom and flourish in His Garden.

He looks at me from the heaven. He smiles and says, ' Hmmmmm....this is good and beautiful.'

( Tulip Festival, Victoria, 4/10/08 ..... www.siewwai.zenfolio.com )

next year...

I got a job for next year!:)





Don't be surprised that I am so happy.






People generally think that doctors are the very blessed group of profession who do not have to worry about unemployment. Unfortunately it is not that case anymore.






Well...lemme rephrase that, getting a job is easy, but getting something that you really want is another story.






A few months ago I put in my application for a surgical position in another hospital for next year.
Then there was a very long period of waiting. In that period all I was told by various sources was, the surgical positions were very limited and due to a large number of applicants, there was a high chance that I might not be offered the job.






I was very cool about it in the beginning, but as days went by and I'd not heard anything from the hospital, my anxiety level began to increase.






But God has been very good to me. He has not failed to speak the truth to me in my darkest hours. When the enemy tried to tear me down with his lies, God guarded me with His word and promise.






My heart has been burning to be a surgeon. When I close my eyes I dream of operating on the mission field. But how do I get there? It seems so far and impossible. The training is difficult, and to get me in to the training program is in itself a difficult process. How do I do that?






God keeps reassuring me that He has spoken and He will do it. Just believe.






--


Last Friday.
My friend told me he did not get the job. Oh no! I thought. This is not good for me....:(






He applied for the same position , and he has done so much more preparation than I have. They rang him a week before for a phone interview, yet he was rejected. How about me....I have not even heard anything from them up to then..






I felt my heart was sinking and sinking...I remember I was babbling to God , pleaseeeeee help me... I had no other option but to trust in God.






At about 3pm , half way thru my work, God spoke to me. 'Now go and check your phone.'






I rushed to the office, grabbed my phone, and guess what....






God's timing is always good. I saw a missed call and a voice mail from the hospital. I returned the call, and was told that I was offered the job.I don't even have to go thru any interview.






Oh Lord...I am so grateful for His provision. I've done nothing, I know it is all Him. Even though I am not in the training program yet, but by giving me this job for next year God is showing me that I am on the right track and He will open more doors when the time comes.






How wonderful our Lord is. I wanna sing for Him, I wanna dance for Him. I know that if I become a surgeon, it is He who makes it happen. I have nothing to offer Him, but my inadequacy and weaknesses. I know He loves me. ' The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. ' - Psalm 51:17






More hardships will come in between me and the dreams that God has planted in my heart.






I will not give up. Never.