My week (2)- my response

This is written in response to what has recently happened to my blog. It has suddenly become alive again :)

Thanks to those who defended the gospel and me. Thanks to G, Sher and Tan who stood up for me (and of course, stood up for Jesus). I felt very blessed and touched that someone actually defended both the gospel and me myself.
I love you all :)

As for Night Sky, I thank God because He heard my prayer for you:) I've seen the change of your attitude towards me, and that encouraged me a lot. I was happier than anyone that day as I read your comments on another post. Infact, I have left a personal note for u there, just wonder if you saw it.

Now re: 1) should I or should I not express my thoughts/emotion on my blog, and 2) 'is the bible valid and have we as believers really met Jesus', from a friend's point of view, I do not intend to argue with you (because you have become my friend).

But from a true believer's point of view, I feel compelled to say that I can't (and in fact no human can) provide any evidence that will make the whole world believe in Jesus. No matter how articulate I or G or Sher or Tan could be, we would never convince a heart that does not believe unless he/she really does wanna believe.

Faith and evidence have never been in agreement.

I like one of the AW Tozer's sermons.

' The witness of the church is most effective when she declares rather than explains, for the gospel is addressed not to reason but to faith. What can be proved requires no faith to accept. Faith rests upon the character of God, not upon the demonstrations of laboratory or logic. '

Night Sky, I would love to keep in touch with you. Do let this friendship to continue , please:)

My week (1)

I had some challenges in the past one week, one of them was the hospital work which I was obviously not being used to, it indeed demands a lot of physical energy and stability. I am sure in coming days I will get used to it.

And because I was constantly tired, spending time with God has become a challenge to me. I failed to wake up early as usual to pray, and I fell asleep as I studied the Word. I was determined to pray during my 45 mins of driving back and forth the hospital (45mins x 2 ways) but I only found myself dozing off a few times while driving...There were times I had to scream to wake myself up.

Today I took a day off work and spent the whole afternoon by myself in my favourite cafe. I felt so spoilt when I sat at a quiet corner, sipping my favourite Mocha and reading my favourite book. I used to do this once a week before I became busy in OCF.

When I became still, I began to hear God's whisper again. It was like a fresh spring that drains my dry heart, splsssssshhhhhhhhh....I am very very thirsty for God to reveal as much to me as He used to do. Perhaps I should also say, God constantly reveals to me, but I've not been receiving as much as I used to because of my blocked mental state :)

1000 X things

I am very busy. Hospital work, packing, catching up with friends whom I am afraid I won't see anymore, arranging visa application, some OCF stuff...etcetc.

I have a lot to say here but probably I don't have the time yet.

10 more days of life as a medical student. This identity as a medical student has been with me for 6 years ; in another word, I have lived a 1/4 of my life as a medical student. Now that I will no longer be a medical student, it feels very weird.

I am currently physically drained.
***

Another thing, to the anonymous person who left hostile comments on my blog, I must say this:

In my limited wisdom and opinion, I think it is an act of pure cowardice that you did not put down your real name when you left comments like that. To be honest, I would call it bold and admire you if you confronted me in person. Next time when you wanna do it again, plz think twice, 'has Wong Siew Wai ever used foul language to accuse people of other religions?' If you find no fault in me, plz do to others what you want them to do to you. The word 'Biatch' is not a usual way of greeting. That's basic morality.

Thanks.

miss my committee

I am organising a farewell dinner for ah Qi(one of my ex committee members). As I smsed my ex committee about this , the emotion started to come to the surface. I have never missed them like this. I began to tear as I recall those Saturday's meetings for the past one year. I thought I would be cool about it but I really miss them now.

I truly love the 8 of you. Will buy a lot of prawns and cook a big feast for you all. Lemme pamper you all for the last time. Chris said jokingly that even he had never had this kind of special treatment..

vision.victory

I thank God that I always see visions and have revelations from God. One of my friends does not agree that we should always say 'God said to me/God shown me...'

I do agree about it to a certain extent, yet on the other hand I am convicted that there is nothing wrong about believing that God speaks to us, and esp when wewalk closely with God, it is nearly impossible that God won't speak to us or show us vision.

From my past experience, I've recognised the way and pattern God usually speaks to me.

Today I saw another vision as I was praying in church. I was an athlete, there was a torch with burning flame in my right hand. I was running a journey where there were a lot of huge obstacles in my way. I did not care but holding up the torch and running. The road was dark but the torch gave light. Finally I ran past all the obstacles and reached a space where there was a lot of thorn bush forming a circle around me. I held up the torch, with full confidence burned the thorn with that fire. The fire consumed all those obstacles and bush. I was satisfied and my face was decorated with a victorous smile...

In my life (in fact in everyone's life) there are a lot of obstacles and thorns that come in my ways. Throughout this week I had a major temptation and I knew for sure it was from the devil. I felt I was fighting very hard and almost defeated.

I am glad in the midst of this God gave me this vision. He is my lamp and my light. I know God has delivered me out of it and I am victorous.

Hallelujah!

Joanne (my supervisor) wanted to take the afternoon off. She passed me her pager and made me take charge of the patients. Man, I was anxious yet excited. For the first time I as a medical student could truly work like an intern.

It was a busy afternoon; I was paged here and there to see patients. And I really did everything with all my heart and I felt satisfied because finally I was really contributing to the patients.

The last patient I saw was an old man, very sick…

Old man : Will I die?
SW (smiled) : Why did you ask that?
Old man (smiled) : I want to leave this life.
SW : Have you believed that Jesus is your Lord and Saviour?
Old man shook his head.
SW : Then do you want to do that?
Old man smiled and nodded.
SW : Say this prayer after me and believe in your heart.
SW : Father, thank You for sending Jesus Your Son…
Old man : Father, thank You for sending …(started mumbling, I was
afraid he might die before finishing it)
SW : ...sending Jesus…
Old man finally finished the prayer.

I was very very very happy. I just kept smiling at him. At the end I grabbed his hand and put it on my cheek and said I loved him. He smiled and said I was like his daughter-in-law, who was a good Christian, and a lovely girl.

I rushed to the hospital chapel and grabbed him a gospel tract. He received it like a precious gift, he hid it near his heart, underneath his hospital gown.

At the end of today I was almost dancing in the corridor. I bumped into another Christian doc whom I hardly talked to; I couldn’t contain my joy but just pulled his sleeve and told him ‘I just led that patient to Christ!’

He was shocked, ‘so quick??!’

Yea, so quick! If we let the Spirit lead us in everything, when the time comes, it just happens within a split second.

Tmrw I am gonna pray for healing for him :)

I almost wanna cry. It is so fulfilling, so humbling! I am in such a privileged position in terms of serving God. I wanna lead as many patients to Christ as God wants me to. I love to be a doc.

i dunno what to write...

therefore, i am gonna simply scribble a few things that have been happening in the last 1 week.

-I have decided to give GP training a serious consideration. Of course i don't have to make any decision now because I still have 2 more years before i can go into any vocational training. who knows, if it is really God's calling for me to be a GP then He will make it become my desire sooner or later...wait and see...but...still very hard to imagine wong siew wai sitting in the same GP office the whole day for years and years...

- God MIGHT have given me the gift of celibacy. I said 'MIGHT have' ,it means yet to be confirmed, i dunno whether it is really from God or what. In my human understanding, if I am gonna do all those things that God has called me to, I really can't see how I can ever be in a marriage. I dunno...lets see.

- Recently I've been trying to re-establish friendships with my non-Christian friends. I've given up all my time for OCF in the past one year. To be the salt of the world I really need to be more active in reaching out to my friends.

- Therefore I went to a doctors' ball last week, and joined some dinner outings with friends...wearing the very gorgeous evening dress sitting there socialising with my 'new' friends made me feel it was so not me, I recall the old siew wai liked this kind of events. I don't like it now. But I do know I have to hang out more with them instead of my Christian friends alone.

- I am back to Lyell McEwin Hospital for my final rotation before graduation. I am gonna work here next year. So funny, now I hang around the hospital with the medical student tag, in only 2 months I will walk down the same corridor wearing Dr. Wong Siew Wai's name tag. Too hard for me to imagine now.

- I am enjoying this rotation because I am in Joanne's team. She left OCF before I came, I have heard a lot about her but had no opportunity to know her well. God put two of us together now, we basically will see each other from A.M to P.M, Monday to Friday for 4 weeks. We have coffee and lunch together everyday. What an experience to be able to talk about God at work! I feel refreshed everyday. and SHE IS NOT AS BOSSY AS MOST PPL THINK ! hehe

- and finally, yeah i really look forward to going home!!!!!!!! yay yay :D
mom is quite desperate that she wanted me to hop onto the plane right after I finish my last day in the hospital. I guess I'll go extra mile for her, I won't even go to the hospital on the last day hehe...I wanna see my family desperately, and it justifies my behaviour :)

conflict management MCQ

What is the best way to handle a conflict?
a) just keep everything to yourself and try to resolve it within yourself
b) tell a few close friends and seek advice
c) gang up with your friends and act against that person
d) sort it out with that person
e) none of above

In my own opinion, and also based on my own experience, i think the answer is really none of the above.

I had a conflict with a very close friend just recently. It was a horrible blow to me. My friend questioned my integrity based on that misunderstanding. No one in my life has ever questioned this part of my personality but this time I have met one.

What's the solution? I could not choose any answer from the MCQ above. Why?

If I chose a), the conflict has not been resolved. I only swallowed the problem and it would turn bitter in my belly and eat me away bit by bit. I would end up being self righteous, thinking I have done my friend a favor by 'forgiving' her on my side.

If I chose b), my friends would surely tell me to either 'tolerate/ignore her' or 'deal with her'. Not clever.

I would never choose c). If the story came out of my mouth it surely was twisted by my own opinion and emotion. What's the benefit of persuading people to stand by me based on my version of story? She would hate me more.

d) sounds very sensible but I would not do that. I am too shy to do it hehehe..
nawww..I don't trust the word that come out of my mouth when I am in anger; likewise her anger would have blocked her ears and mind.

I chose to pray. Not prayed for God to 'make her apologise to me', but prayed for God to forgive me first if I wronged against her, that I can continue to love her, that we will be united in love to serve Him together etc..

I tell you, God is really amazing. I did not say anything, neither did I do anything. I just prayed. Then just an hour ago, she apologised to me, and said God had convicted her about her mistake. We both felt our friendship grew stronger after this.

Praise God=)

Why look horizontally when we can actually look vertically upward for help? When we are at peace with God, He makes all our enemies at peace with us. We don't have to force it out, God Himself changes them and turns their hearts to us, isn't amazing? Praise Him :)

Pastor Victor and Kelly

I am very proud of them. My Christian life has never been the same since God put me in that church back in Malaysia. (hehe I should say 'my LIFE has never been the same' because I accepted Christ in that church and Ps Vic was my first pastor.)

I just realised my leadership style is very very much like Ps Vic's. He is a real man of God, he loves, he encourages, he pours out his heart, he sacrifices his own needs...he will do all this for people. I never knew how much I was influenced by him until I started leading. Every now and then the memory of him serving us day and night will strike my mind and that keeps me motivated.

We talked on MSN yesterday. This was what he wrote, he made me wanna praise God.


Pastor Victor and Kelly, this post is specially for you.

If you ever feel weary of discipling anyone, remember me as the fruit of your work and be encouraged. You don't know how just by observing you has inspired me and changed my life. If I ever stand on the pulpit, I will surely give thanks to God for sending me to you and will mention how upright you are as my leader. You are once my pastor, forever my pastor. I love you both:)

surrender

I want so much to be a missionary to countries/tribes where gospel is not heard and medical care is inaccessible. I have always been wanting to specialise in O&G (obstetric and gynaecology), a specialised wing of medicine that takes care of women's health,pregnancies and deliveries. My burden is for women who are deprived of care due to restriction of freedom and low social status. As a female doctor, i thought it will be good to serve them this way.

However I guess that might not be God's will for me. He has given me many many signs and hints through different people.

To me, it is rather sad and disappointing to find out that real mission fields don't need a highly specialised O&G doctor. They need a GP, a general doctor who can treat all kinds of basic diseases. A population that has no access to primary health care will never need a specialist who can only treat a certain type of problems. O&G training is long and hard, it is not practical if I ultimately become a missionary.

It is truly a huge challenge to me. I have never ever thought of being a GP in my entire life. If you ask me, even until now, that would be the last thing I ever wanna do in the medical field.

Being a GP in mission field is excellent and sounds exciting, but I can't bear the training process which requires me to sit in a small room the whole day and have patients coming in and out. They will bring their spouse, or the entire family to see you, and tell you about the family story of 3 generations.

The training process is the shortest and easiest, and GPs make good income compared to most specialists. But I just hate it.

I dunno, I just hate being a GP.

I was crying very sadly when I found out I might end up being a GP. Then God asked me, 'Why do u wanna be an O&G specialist? Is that really for ME? or to satisfy your sense of achievement/social status etc? '

My friend Ming once told me about the life of a great korean theologian/minister who completed his PhD in some very difficult science subject 60 years ago in a very prestigous university (either Cambridge/Oxford/MIT).On his way back to Korea after completion of PhD, God told him to throw his certificate into the sea and forget about his entire life of studies. Bear in mind that he was a Korean back in those days who completed such a tough course in such a prestigous institute.
Nonetheless he obeyed. God used him mightily after that to bring countless of people to Christ.

To do God's will mean I have to deny my own desire. Would I be able to do that? I just have to surrender and trust in Him.