Wednesday, October 26, 2011

my wisdom teeth

I have had problems with my wisdom teeth for 3 months now.

The first oral surgeon that I saw told me they were very impacted, very rotten, very complicated so the only way to remove them was to do it under general anaesthesia. I said no way. No GA for me. Then he said , well at least sedation or I am not comfortable doing it. Fine.

I prayed and prayed. No peace in my heart. Not just because I am not comfortable with sedation and its potential adverse effects, but I don't want to pay the huge amount of hospital fee just for a few hours stay after having anaesthesia. I prayed that God would provide me another oral surgeon who would be willing to do my surgery within the matter of 1 week and under local anaesthesia. It sounded very impossible, everyone told me waiting list for wisdom teeth removal is usually at least 1-2 months.

But I prayed hard and believed God would bring me a miracle. I truly believe.

I then managed to get hold of an oral surgeon who happened to have a time slot for me for first consultation within my time frame. When I saw him , I immediately felt the sense of peace. He said I was crazy that I insisted on only local anaesthesia but he would do so even though there is a risk of failure, that would result in postponing of surgery. I said I didn't care, just give me local. Deep down inside, I believed God would make this work.

And at the end, this oral surgeon did not just agree to give me local anaesthesia, on top of that he squeezed me in one of his lunch breaks so that I could have it done really soon. He also gave me a 50% discount on surgical fee! This means not only I will pay less surgical fees, I also save on hospital fee!

God always gives way more abundant than what we ask for!

So today I had the surgery. Of course I was praying the whole time. God said, Don't worry I am right here with you.

The oral surgeon initially thought the bottom tooth would be extremely difficult to take out, it would involve gum cutting, drilling and breaking the tooth in pieces. I prayed and prayed.
Guess what, a miracle happened. The tooth came out in one piece without even the need to cut my gum at all. The surgeon himself was very amazed and surprised. I know God was at work.

It only took him less than 10 minutes to remove three complicated, impacted and tricky wisdom teeth. Smooth! It is now 12 hours post op I still have not much of pain! Praise the Lord.

The surgeon joked,'now you have no more wisdom.' Precisely, why would I need my wisdom when God's wisdom is far greater?

God is never far from you when you call onto Him. He looks after you, from the biggest life crisis down to the smallest details in your daily life. Therefore, lean not on your own understanding, trust in the Lord with all your heart, in all your ways submit to God, and He will make your paths straight.

Friday, October 14, 2011

a small vessel for God

This morning before I started work I prayed a simple prayer for God to use me.

Then there was this patient that came in for a major surgery and he barely understands any English at all. And because interpreters are not allowed to enter the operating theatre, as his anaesthetist it was very natural for me to identify myself to him as someone who could speak his language.

So throughout the whole pre-operating period of getting him ready for such a major surgery, I was there explaining everything to him. I guess for someone who doesn't understand or speak English, it must have been a horrifying experience when surrounded by us , especially when he was going to have a high risk surgery.

Half way through the preparation, I saw the cross that he was wearing on his neck. I asked if he was a believer and he said yes. I told him so was I! Then we began to talk about how great God is. He said he really thank God for me because God has blessed him so much that He specifically sent someone who could speak his language in time like this to explain everything to him before such a major surgery. This scenario is actually very rare.

We praised God and blessed each other in prayer.Both of our spirits felt that God's presence was very strong in that small room. Hallelujah! When two believers get together and praise God, it doesn't matter one is a patient and the other is a doctor, or whether we know each other , or that we are in a tiny operating room...what matters is that we speak a common language, the Kingdom language.

I told him that God cares about every detail to the point of sending me there to comfort and pray for him in his own language, surely God will see him through his surgery. True enough, the whole preparation and surgery itself were abnormally smooth.

At the end he kept thanking me. I gave all the glory to God, for I am only a small vessel used by Him for His purposes. I am blessed by seeing his prayer answered, and I am humbled to see that God has used me to play a small part in answering his prayer. is good to be His vessel.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Sometimes I forget

Sometimes I forget that God is the Creator of the universe and everything in it.

I forget that by His Word, the world was formed. I forget that He is all powerful. My earthly flesh and its sinful nature has blinded my eyes and clouded my thoughts.

I forget that He has thought about me even before I was conceived.

I forget that He was the great architect and designer of my inmost being.

I forget that He fearfully and wonderfully knitted me together in my mother's womb.

I forget that He has loved me with an everlasting love, the agape love that no one can fathom.

I forget that long ago, He already planned to send His one and only Son Jesus Christ to come and die for the sin of the whole world.

I forget the love of my Lord Jesus for me.

I forget the sufferings and pain that He had to go through for my sin. Pain and humiliation that He did not deserve.

I forget that I was among those who nailed Him on the cross.

I forget that the cross is not the end of the story.

I forget that the Father has the power to resurrect the Lord Jesus, and the same power that resurrected Jesus is now in me. I forget about that very very often.

I forget that the Lord has died once and for all.

I forget that Christ has already overcome sin and death.

I forget that my sins have been atoned for and I am now a new being in Christ.

I forget that the same God who created the world, who resurrected Christ, who has forgiven my sin and who has called me into His very presence is the same God who loves me very very very very much and knows His perfect plans for my life.

I forget that the King of kings and Lord of lords is also my lover.

And sometimes I forget that even when I forget, He is still there , waiting patiently for me to realise that I have forgotten about all this. And when I am reminded of His grace for me, He lets me run straight into His open arms.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

The LORD Almighty is His name

I was suddenly struck by roaring waves of fear as I looked around the home that we built together. We are letting go of our comfort zone now. The real estate agents came and went, the moving company will come in the next few days to bring everything away. The walls and shelves are empty, boxes are everywhere on the floor.

I have not slept for many hours and have not eaten anything. My head was filled with a multitude of thoughts. How am I going to pack everything up? How do I clean up? Which agent should I use? Will I have a secured job next year in a foreign city? Which hospital should I apply to? How do I start my new life in a new city? etc etc etc...

A sense of despair, darkness and hopelessness suddenly grabbed me and I broke down. I cried out loud , O'Lord O'Lord, please do no forsake me! Please strengthen me...That was all that I could utter in my despair, my spirit groaned in pain.

I knew in the moment of vulnerability I could not let the devil win this battle for the battle and victory belong to the Lord Jesus. All I knew was to run to God. Run Run Run Siew Wai. Praise Him! Worship Him! Cry to Him! Ask, seek and knock! Pray until you see His face! I repeatedly read out Psalm 23 in a loud voice.

Then I knew my Lord is near me, I felt Him as I meditated on His Word. He is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He refreshes my soul, He guides me along the right paths for His name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of darkness of death, I will fear no evil for He is with me, His rod and His staff comfort me. He prepares a table before me in the presence of my enemies, He anoints my head with oil, my cup overflows. Surely His goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

He pointed me to Jeremial 31. I read through the whole chapter again and again, my clothes were soaked with tears. For He has heard my cry and He reassured me that He has loved me with an everlasting love. He said He would tear down only to rebuild. He scatters only to gather again. He would make me plant vineyards and be fruitful. I will go out and dance with the joyful.

Jeremiah 31: 35-36, This is what the LORD says,

He who appoints the sun to shine by day, who decrees the moon and stars to shine by night, who stirs up the sea so that its waves roar— the LORD Almighty is his name:
“Only if these decrees vanish from my sight,” declares the LORD, “will Israel ever cease being a nation before me.”

Yes the LORD Almighty is His name.

Do not be discouraged Siew Wai, Do not fear, be strong and be very courageous, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. Amen.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Who is the real enemy here?...And where is the promised land?

I have been in a strained relationship with someone in the last 1-2 years (by the way, that person is certainly not my husband). It is like a thorn in my flesh and I am sure that person sees me as a thorn too. It is very painful. I can't and I am not allowed to get rid of that thorn. Both of us have been limping with this thorn and we can't walk straight in our lives.

How painful and disruptive it has been! I know I am not a perfect person or I would not have needed my Saviour. In my pursuit of being more and more like Christ, I prayed many times to ask God to take this pain away from me, and to give me the strength and His kind of love to love this person.

As I humbled myself before God, He dropped this in my mind, 'Why do I allow the past hurt and pain determined how I live in future?'

Then my eyes were suddenly opened, and revelations after revelations in the forms of God's Word came gushing out.

Two nights ago at church Ps Jon was preaching about Numbers 13. The Lord told Moses to send out His people to explore the promised land that flowed with honey and milk, the Lord has given the land to His people. But the people thought it was too difficult and forgot that the Lord has ALREADY given that land to them, they just needed to take possession of it. They would rather go back to Egypt and died!

Am I not like the rebellious Israelites?

I suddenly realised my relationship with that person is like the promised land in the scripture. God has already given it to me, all I need to do is to go forward and take it. But I became scared at the sight of the past hurt and failure. I forgot that the Lord has won this battle for me. But in my own eyes and understanding, I thought it was too difficult, so I opted for an out. I would rather go back to my Egypt and died there.

And again, the Lord's Word became alive. I am reminded that I am fighting a battle aimlessly. My true enemy is not 'that person', my true enemy is the devil who has come to steal , kill and destroy.

But he forgot his place. He is the ultimate loser. My Lord Jesus has won the battle for me, He has conquered sin and death! He has also given that victory to me and that person, so both of us should be the winners.

How great is our God!

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Who am I? -2

Have you ever run away from God? Or tried to hide from Him?

I have , many times in my life. Most of the times it was not delibrate, and I did not even try to run away, but I just let it happen, and before I know it I have already let the presence of God slip out of the crack of my busy daily life. The enemy will always deceive us that it is ok to be slightly independent from God, even if it is only in small little things.

Last week I was in the change room at the hospital in the middle of the night as I was about to start my night duty. Suddenly I had a feeling in my heart telling me I have been harbouring a kind of pride that has distanced me from God. I began to realise that's why I have not felt God's peace in me for quite a while. The enemy has made me believe that I was alright in my walk with God as long as I prayed and read the bible everyday. I did not realise in the midst of my busyness I was not delibrate in my pursuit of His face and His glory and His law.

I immediately dropped the things in my hands and started repenting to Him. At that moment I again had the most intimate encounter with my God.

The next day it was the prayer meeting in church. For some reason I knew I had to attend that prayer meeting no matter what , I just felt convicted that God had something great for me there.Truely so, as I entered the meeting I just felt the very very very heavy presence of God , my whole body shivered, my heart leaped with joy and my spirit sang out loud in awe and worship of God

As Pastor Danny qouted the scripture 2 Chronicles 7:14 :' If MY people who are called by MY name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.'

My tears rolled down my cheeks like a tap when I heard this, and throughout the whole meeting I was weaping in tears of sorrow and humility, at the same time love, joy, peace and renewal.

I knew God was speaking right in my face, both in the dark change room at the hospital and in church today. That was a very small change room, hidden in the deepest part of the hospital. The corridor that leads to the change room was not lit with lights, and no telecommunication reception could reach that room. The door was a thick old school wooden door that could only be opened with a set of security code.

And in the darkness of the night and the loneliness of my spirit, when I thought I was far from the presence of my God, and well hidden from the rest of the world, God came and found me even in that change room. And when I thought I was alright , HE confronted me with His Spirit out of His deep love for me, because He doesn't want me to walk away from Him.

Who am I that He loves me so much? That He would come pursuing me with His love rather than condemnation and punishment for my sin of pride.

Psalm 139:7-12

' Where can I go from Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence?
If I go up to the heavens You are there, if I make my bed in the depths you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me, Your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me, even the darkness will not be dark to You; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to You.'

With such great love, will I not lift my hands up and surrender to You? When I come running to You, I will only find myself falling into Your strong arms that are open to catch me.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Who are you? -1

When I was praying my thoughts wandered back to the dark age when I did not know God, and I saw myself. The memories of my life in the past are still fresh, but in those visions they are fragmented.

I was at school, and all of a sudden I was in a pub; then I was in the university; then with friends was everywhere, but at every stop I saw a lonely and broken me who needed restoration.

Then my memory stopped at the first time I stepped into a church. In the clear vision I was walking in to a very small local church, the usher greeted me with a warm welcome and asked if I was coming with anyone. I said I was by myself. Then I picked the back row. And the praise and worship began. People raised their hands and sang.

I closed my eyes and a very powerful feeling gripped my heart. I wept when the feeling of familiarity struck me. I knew my brokenness and emptiness was restored. One touch from God is enough to bring renewal to my life.

8 years later when I was in church I revisited that memory.

I whispered to God, ' Yes Lord, I have met You on that special day.'

God replied, 'But I have met you a very long time before that day.'

Psalm 139 is my favourite scripture at all time.

Psalm 139 verse 13: For You created my inmost being, You knit me together in my mother's womb.'