To my new brother in Christ

I m not sure when you will read this. But you know that this is for you :)

First of all, congratulation! You have made the best decision in ur life. Please dun mind me (or us) keep telling you that you have made the best decision, not that we know your life inside out that we have the ability or rights to say anything about your decisions in life. But it is a truth.

Did you know I was so anxious at the end of the message, when the preacher told us to close our eyes and slip up our hands if anyone among us choose to respond to God's calling? I was praying and praying in my heart, God God! Please give him the courage and faith to take that one step. Please touch him and let him see You!

I felt something in my heart, very strongly, it felt exactly the same when I sat with my unbelieving friend in church 4 months ago as she responded to God. The same feeling told me this time something significant was going to happen.

So I was very tempted to peek what you would do. Would you lift up your hand? My heart was pounding, almost coming out of my mouth.

When I finally opened my eyes, I saw the the same old you. Nothing dramatic. You didn't say anything. There was a slight disappointment sinking in my heart. I thought, well, maybe next time. I shouldn't push things....

It was only when the counselor came to you that I knew you DID actually lifted up your hand! Did you see the joy and excitement written all over my face? Did you even see the tears in my eyes? I was overjoyed, my whole heart was praising God for His mercy and grace, for His transforming power, for His sovereignty. I couldn't help but praise God again and again for what He has done for you.

I recall those days when I first met you in medical school. I remember inviting you many times to church, and you jokingly said only if I went to the pub with you. You knew I would not go to the pub with you. Nevertheless I prayed a few times for you. Then we lost contact with each other in the final year. It was only until the beginning of this year when we started working together that we've become close again. Even then you still refused to come to church with me. This time you said coming to pub ain't enough, I had to get myself drunk in order to persuade you.

Even though you might not know it that time, but I've been praying for you. Many times I asked God to open your eyes and let you see that He loves you, to bring you out of darkness to light. You said you admired my positiveness and passion for life. I said you could have the same thing if you accepted it.

You started coming to church with me. Man! You were as anxious as a 5 year old kid going to school for the first day. We were sitting in the car for 10 mins before the service started....It turned out well didn't it? Then you came for a few more times, you started praying and felt Him yourself. Thank you for even praying for me.

It is very amazing to see what God has been doing all along. I believe God has begun His good work in you even way before last Sunday, even before we met each other. He works all things for the good of those who love Him, and called according to His purpose. I am awestruck to see the way He puts things altogether, the way He led you to Him. It was not by accident, but He had you in His mind way back.

I am excited to see what God will do in and through you. I am very privileged to be the one standing next to you at this stage. I am awestruck. Praise God forever and ever :)

simplicity

Today I went to the Show with a friend. We walked past every ride, every stall and every exhibition and then came to the last pavilion anticipating it to be as boring as the previous ones.

It was a flowers exhibition. They built a garden with hundreds of flowers in the middle of the hall. To be honest given that I have absolutely no interest in flowers, it's not surprising that I found the flowers boring . I took a very quick walk around the garden , couldn't wait to get out of the pavilion. At this time I heard a very beautiful music through the PA system. To my surprise as I walked towards the end of the hall , I realized the music wasn't played from a CD, but by a live band.

The band was awesome and they played beautiful music that seemed magical. We no longer wanted to get out but just to sit down and chill out in the midst of it.

As I was appreciating the beauty of the music, a question popped up in my mind (maybe from God, maybe myself). It was just a very simple question, but serious enough to put me in deep thoughts. 'When was the last time I listened to this type of music?'

Maybe 4-5 years ago?...I used to love instrumental/world music and collected many CDs, although they were very pricey. I realized ever since I became a Christian, my preference has slowly shifted to Christian songs. I have lost my interest in any other types of music.

Then another question popped up, ' When was the last time you drew/painted something?', maybe 3-4 years ago? I used carry my sketch book wherever I went , esp when I backpacked. I loved stopping whenever I wanted and just sketched a nice building or a beautiful landscape. I would also spend the whole day at drawing/painting because I was zealous about it.

'When was the last time you shot a beautiful photo?' ...maybe 4-5 years ago. I used to love photography. When I was even younger I wished I was a professional photographer for the National Geographic Magazines.

I loved the nature. Any lil vegetation/insect would attract my attention. I yelled with excitement when I saw rainbows, clouds, sunrise, sunset etc...

Then many many other similar questions popped up. I began to realize i have been so caught up with pursuing/achieving goals that I have lost myself into it. I have pushed myself too hard, wanting to do well in ministry, wanting to be a 'good' believer and role model, wanting to sacrifice myself in order to make everyone (including God) happy...

I have made myself a religious legalist, I set rules and regulations upon myself. Perhaps the things that I have been doing are right, but I am sure this is not how God wants me to live my life.

Today I was reminded that God did not give me Christianity, but He gave me LIFE. Life to the fullest, life in abundance. I wanna live a full life again, not just being caught up with achieving goals. Ministry is never a goal , Christianity is never a religion, relationship with God is never about legalism. Life is so beautiful and eternity is so vast and is beyond my imagination. I dun wanna live my life just chasing one thing after another.

I wanna reuse all the opportunities, all the whatever that God has given me. I wanna let God reactivate all my senses, to see, to hear,to smell, to taste and to feel EVERYTHING in life. I want every drop of my life be saturated with the fullness of God.

I dunno how to put all my thoughts in words. but I am enlightened:)

my suicidal patient

She was teary, depressed and suicidal. I went into the cubicle, grabbed a chair, sat down, and looked into her eyes as she began to tell me her story.

She is a very ordinary middle aged woman, was divorced a few years ago. Since then, she found no meaning in her life; her ex husband abused and divorced her, her children were grown-ups and blamed her for the divorce, she has lost her house and all forms of support. She told me her many experiences of walking on the road and wanting to dash out of the pedestrian path and be run over by the vehicles.

My heart was very heavy when I heard her story. As I told her about God, she said she was 'once' a Christian, used to believe in Jesus until the tragedy in her life. She asked God why me? If YOU are a loving God why did You allow this to happen to me? ...so she lost her faith in God and wandered away.

I did not wanna be like Job's friends who accused Job for his troubles. Neither did I wanna tell her to 'be strong , have faith in God'...because as I was going through my own tough times, I finally came to realize the hurting ppl do not need such advice. When they are blinded by the circumstances, they are blinded. Human beings have no power to be God and lest us try to remove the blindness with our own words. They need a pair of listening ears , a heart that loves and the prayers. In due time, God will make a way through our love, our gentle spirits and our prayers.

So I just listened and listened and listened to her. At the end, all I said was God loves you and prayed for her. Her tears flowed like a flood as I prayed. And you know what happened at the end? She said she felt God's love again, she had been wandering for years, forgetting about God. She believed God had heard her prayer and today she met with God again. She said, of all the doctors, why was it I who saw her? and I happened to be a Christian. She believed it was God. She wanna trust in God again.

At the end I gave her the number of the church.

We hugged each other and said good bye with joy. She did not even need a psychiatric review, because she had no further suicidal intent.

I strongly believe God has called me into this ministry. Where is the church? The church is not in a church building. We are the church.

but why would this happen?

Working in ED has been fun and fulfilling. For some unknown reason, and out of my own choice, I have been seeing paediatric patients in my last few shifts, these little creatures comprised 50-70% of my patient list. Perhaps it is a sign from God? Does He want me to be a paediatrician? Sigh I hope not.


Today there was this 8 month old baby who was super cute, came in after an injury to her head. What so special about this baby is her smile. As if she had been intoxicated with happy gas, nothing seemed to be able to stop her from laughing. She knew no pain in her head, neither did she care about her very dirty and stinky clothes and nappy. Obviously she has not been well looked after by her mom.


From the story told by her mom, I smelt a very small suspicion of child abuse/neglect in it. As I went through the old notes of her last admission to the hospital, I could not help but wept silently. ( not wept wept, but u know, I became teary).


There was a previous notification of child abuse made by a social worker who visited her home. The story goes roughly like this :


' There were cockroaches all over the place, many were dropping from the ceiling.. a few mice running around the house. Their puppy was not toilet trained, there was dog poo and urine on the bed, couch, dining area...There was nothing in the kitchen, only some dry noodles and cereals and unwashed dishes which were there since my last visit...the children (5 of them) were eating uncooked dry noodles and cereal with no milk...The children were wearing the same clothes since my last visit a few days ago...I saw a LIVE cockroach crawling out of the baby's vagina when her mom changed the nappy...the children did not talk, but were hitting/biting each other even myself, but the parents did not correct them.'


........... I was just stunned after reading that report. I know this is not the worst home situation in the world, but it shocked me that it happened in Australia. My heart was very burdened and broken, esp after I saw how gorgeous that baby gal was. My eyes were wet.


For one second I asked God why did this happen even though I know I am too small and unworthy to ask Him this question. Why have I had 50 pairs of shoes and plenty of clothes while this baby gal and her siblings had to wear the unwashed clothes for 1 week? I have had the opportunity to complete my medical degree, what about this child? Would she even go to school in 5 years?


As a professional doctor, I should not show any personal emotion for any patient. But as a Christian, I could not help but be moved in my heart for the unfortunate ones, and all the more I wanna preach the Gospel, all the more I wanna go out there, all the more I wanna see the world changed.


There are billions of ppl out there who are suffering both physical and spiritual poverty, if only all of us could be the ppl that God wants us to be, I believe we will see God's Kingdom on earth. I'm convicted about this.