God has been dealing with the deep things in my heart (hmmm, as He always does). The issues that have been bugging me for a long long time. The bottom line is, The more I walk with Him, the more I recognise my inadequacy and unworthiness. A simple fact. I've learnt this well.








I needed this, because just a few years ago, I would still think I've had it altogether. I thought,


' Everything is good. Yes I am a sinner but not a terribly bad one. I've repented, I've moved on, I've everything under control. I m good. '








Not true. The more mature a person grow in Christ , the lower he will bow at the throne of Christ, for he is humbled by his unworthiness, and of course, by the mercy of God.








Has God been dealing with you and your issues? If He hasn't now, He will surely do in His time.








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By the way, how about this photo? :)


A special gift for her, my friend.




I am loving wedding photography.

Of course, more photos are on www.siewwai.zenfolio.com :) enjoy!

3 days of silence

I've decided I shall not post for 3 days, a solemn ceremony for the victims of disasters.


Burma has seen the loss of more than 78,000 lives by far, another 50,000 missing.
Yet the junta is refusing international aid.


The chinese death toll has exceeded 51000...and 5m displaced.


What can I do here? I shan't complain that I am sick and tired, my 'suffering' is nothing at all, compared to the loss of lives , and those could well be lives lost ETERNALLY.


Human human, don't we feel helpless at the fragility and unpredictability of our lives? Don't we realise that right now we are surfing the internet, and tmrw we could be dead...


That's a very humbling thought to me. How many of us, or rather for myself, how many days in my life that I've lived like there's no tomorrow? At this point of my life, I would have no problem if I were to be taken away tmrw, but I would not be able to give a good account to God , standing in front of His throne, for I have not done enough to be the light and salt of the world.


My parents and brother, and so many more friends and relatives, and many many many MANY more ppl that I rub shoulder with daily....they have not heard about Jesus. What if there were a grade 9 quake in Malaysia or Australia tmrw????.....


I am very overwhelmed.

21-5-08

The shadow on the balcony wall...outside my room

Just some random shots.....
That was a very beautiful morning.
I remember I was craving for photography....

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I am sick and drowsy now, and have lost the sense of time and date. 8 night shifts in a fortnight on ED is not common. But I did it :)


I slept thru the day , went to work at night, didnt see no body , deprived of social interaction and fellowship.


After putting my body to extreme torment I finally fell sick today. Must be from the old man who coughed right in my face in ED.


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Thank you for all who have encouraged me. I can't go on without having fellowship with you. No man is an island.

Charcoal portrait

This is a gift for jasmine. Her birthday.

U believe I drew this?

Yes I DREW this. Told you I love arts...and did I tell u as a kid I wanted to be an artist. It's ok.Now I love being a doctor who can draw and take photos :)

My sister accepted Christ!

I led my sister to Christ yesterday! Awesome! And not just her, her flatmate has also accepted Christ a few days ago!


God is faithful. I still can't believe it has happened, even though day and night I prayed for her for about 5 years now! And there have been countless occasions where I tried telling her about Jesus, only to find that she was not interested/moved at all....yet I've never stopped believing that one day God would touch her, and the rest of my family.


The conviction became even stronger when God told me in one occasion, that He loves my family so much that He's chosen me, and thru me He will bring blessings to them. Salvation is for me, but it is never for me alone.


And I've never felt ashamed/insignificant to be a first generation Christian (i.e. the first person in the family who becomes a Christian) . Infact I feel it is a great honour to be the first one, and I feel I am a soldier fighting at the battle front, standing in the gap between the living and the dead, taking ground for God.


No one in my family tree has ever believed in God. Not my immediate family, not even one from my mom or dad's side. NONE. Hence I've always had a dream, that through me, ALL my immediate family members, and the relatives of both mom and dad's side will come to know God.


In my mental picture, I see I am running as a frontliner, and along the way I pull my sister, my brother, and my parents...and more and more friends and relatives join us when they see us...


Therefore all my brothers and sisters, never stop believing that God will use you or through your prayers to touch your family who are away from Him.


Amen Amen and Amen! :)

14/5/08

Finally 4 night shifts in a row were over:) I've made the record, no one in ED did 4 nights in a row. The workload in ED has constantly been heavy, I hardly had a chance to even have my break throughout the 9 hours. I've lost sense of day n night :)


Again thank you very much for the love and concern :)


I am constantly being uplifted and encouraged by the Lord and His ppl.


And I am a happy person. My approach to life (life given by God) is, rejoice in God and in the blessings/tests that He gives. I don't wanna simply get by eveeryday. I wanna live life to the fullest, live with the sense of destiny and purpose. Maybe I am very driven. But I think, God brought us to the world for a purpose, and that purpose is not just something that we will see IN FUTURE. I used to think, ' one day I will be in the promise land', 'one day I will do this and that'... hence a lot of ppl get by daily life hoping one day they willl finally see the purpose of God and the promises come true.


And I used to think like that too. And I am not sure since when there came a conviction upon me, that I only have my 'today' once. When it is gone it is gone. The thought scared me quite a bit.


So I prayed to God, let me impact someone today. Let me drop a smile to someone today and lift them up. Let me live my life with zeal. Let me do everything for Your glory. Let me not get by but live with purpose.


Then the perspective will change, and even if I am in a place where I don't wanna
be, I will still get the most out of it and be joyful.


U agree?

hey you guys

Hey!....I am very touched by the love of so many ppl...esp after you all read my previous post...BUT....did it sound that bad? ermmmm did i sound depressed? sighhhhhhh if i did then i have defeated the purpose of that post..it was meant to be a easy reading post filled with the sense of power and victory. Hehe maybe I overdid it...


But really thanks for all the concern that I have received...:)


And actually I am and was not that sad. I mean of course I was sad and disappointed on the day but very very quickly after that I was uplifted by God. Infact the next day I was in a very euphoric mood.


Anyway I dunno which part of me does actually make sense now...As I just finished my night shift, have not slept for 28 hrs already...I could get away with no sleep at all when i was younger..but not anymore:)


i need to zz now.,....

Tough...

In retrospect, I had a very tough week.

Or should I say I've had a very tough 24 hours. One of the most upsetting moments in recent years.

It's a long story anyway. Just to cut it short, the medical admistration of the hospital mistreated me by making drastic and unfair change to my roster, without asking me for my agreement, without informing me, and when confronted, denied their mistakes.

Wednesday was the day when all RMOs started our 2nd term in different departments, according to the roster. Instead of the surgical department which I was initially rostered to go to, they put me to Emergency. And this was done in a very inappropriate, irresponsible and crass manner.

Of course I was extremely furious. Everyone knows I have a very high tolerance for mistreatment. I hardly get upset by anything at all. This time I lost it.

It's like you really really really love traveling, you so wanna go to Paris.You work hard for it, everyday you look fwd to it, you've done all the preparation, you tell the whole world u are going to Paris , and just the day before you take off, things happen like, the flight gets canceled.

And it's not your fault.

I was utterly disappointed and discouraged. Not just because I really wanna do surgical stuff, but also because I've made my plans in life and career according to the initial roster, and important decisions for next year were to be made based on my experience on the surgical term. Now everything seems to be 100 times more difficult.

And looks like it's gonna take forever for me to finally be selected into the surgical training program.

That was the worst moment in the recent years. I asked God, wasn't that YOUR calling for me to be a surgeon? Wasn't that Your promise that You'll guide me through?

I could not see any open door, I could not see any hope in it.

I was walking aimlessly on the street in the rain, I did not even care if I was drenched or not. I just wept.

But that's not the end of the story.

I told God, I'd still worship You and trust in You even though it is very hard to trust when you don't see anything. Then I began to sing praises to Him and declare His bigness and goodness.

Though for a while I was discouraged, yet I would not give up.

I asked God to let me see His Kingdome, and faithfully He did so. I recalled the stories of Joseph, Moses and David. None of God's people reach the promise land without first being tested again and again.

Who am I to make plans according to my own understanding? Who am I to box God and expect Him to do this and that according to my time? He's opened my eye and I began to see. Then I laughed at myself. Why am I furious? Why am I worried? Why am I frustrated when things don't go the way I thought it should? Is not God big enough to make the impossible possible?

His plan is higher than mine. Everything is made more difficult now. Like in the book of Daniel, the fire was turned up 7 times hotter. And after this, all the more I would not give up. The devil tried to challenge me , but does he know that challenges only make me stronger in God...

I guess God wants me to know, if I ever get into my surgical training, then it has got nothing to do with my ability at all. It has to be all by His grace and all glory goes to Him.

I am blown away and humbled by His plan. Now I've gladly accepted the delay. It does not matter anymore. Really. God is great isnt He.


<

Just a thought...How do you think God sees you?