Wednesday, September 27, 2006

a quote

I am currently reading the collection of AW Tozer's sermons.

Came across this chapter.

' Anyone who wishes to check on his true spiritual condition may do so by noting what his voluntary thoughts have been over the last hours or days. What has he thought about when free to think of what he pleased?'

I especially like this sentence that he said:

' When the bird of thought was let go, did it fly out like the raven to settle upon floating carcasses or did it like the dove circle and return again to the ark of God?'

Hmm..what I thought just hours ago was about shopping and buying new clothes.

What were u thinking hours/days ago?

Monday, September 25, 2006

growing up

I think I am currently in the transition period where God is moulding my character. Being the chair person I learned to trust in God and stand firm against any persecutions. But being a newly stepped-down ex-chair person I feel it is a totally new story about learning about God and myself.

A friend asked 'How can you always be running strong in your walk with God? Don't you have times when you are low?'

Of course I do have. But what is the benefit of always complaining and dwelling in the negative emotions and allow that to eat you away bit by bit? I'd rather fight against the devil and my own sinful nature when I am low, I hate to dwell in the pit and pity myself. How can you lead and exhort others if you don't stand strong? That's what I've learned while I was the chair person, to run back to God within the split second, so quickly that as if nothing had happened.


A preacher said,'It is ok to fall asleep, but morning always comes after midnight. Do you get up early or still stay in bed?', this has become my principle.

A few ppl asked ,'Don't you feel lost because now the power and authority is no longer in your hand?' ...That's a very foolish question to begin with. It sounded like satan when he asked Eve 'Did God really say you must not eat from any tree in the garden?'


It takes humility to fade off and let the new generation move on, and to see them demolish or modify the work that I have done. Sometimes I feel bitter,but I know it is for the building of God's kingdom.

Therefore I said this has been another season of my life where God continues to reveal my ugliness and mould my character. Everyday He passes me an oversized mirror , and guess what, His mirror is the truth-exposing mirror, nothing can hide from it. Sometimes I see spinach between my teeth even after I brush them, sometimes I see new pimple (just an illustration).

Who will like to see the real self being exposed? If this magic mirror was hung in the boutique, all men and women would not dare to look into it nor walk pass it.

I like this season, I like this mirror because it does more than just exposing my true self, most importantly it is therapeutic.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

some updates...

It has been a long time...phew, the busiest week has passed.

FINALLY I have stepped down! I am no longer the chairperson. This month has been an emotional period, as I reflected on the past 1 year, I was reminded how faithful God has been to OCF and myself.

OCF was left with 30-40 ppl when I first took chair. The atmosphere was dry, every Friday night when the worship team were in front, the hall was only 20% filled. Can't remember how many times I was on my knees crying to God, asking Him to show me a way to revive OCF.
He is surely faithful. OCF exploded with growth both spiritually and physically. Now we have average attendance of 80 ppl every Friday. Each bible study group goes well, the atmosphere is just different.

..........when I recall, I can only smile now. God has surely given me a new heart, I don't remember the pain and sufferings, the exhaustion of my body and sometimes my spirit. All I remember is the faithfulness of God and the joy of serving Him.
*****
AGM went well. I led worship with my whole committee. Seeing the new president and her committee took over the baton, I was reminded of what happened 1 year ago..wong siew wai took chair, wong siew wai gave a speech and vision for OCF, wong siew wai sang the vision song...wong siew wai stepped up with a prideful and vulnerable heart; 1 year later wong siew wai stepped down with a contrite and strong heart, knowing humility is the key of every servant of Christ; the heart was scarred,renewed and trained.

*****
Though with a lot of spiritual attacks which led to physical hazards to me myself, Kairos (leadership camp) still went very well.Praise God. The game idea He gave Voon and I was truly a testimony in itself. How could we think of building a Noah's Ark if not God? How could we think of the correlation between the building of the Ark was like building His kingdom? It is only Him.

At the end of the game everyone came up to us and said they had never experienced such thing like this in a game, they have all enjoyed it and the teaching behind it. All said it was very original, we should copy right the game..haha..God's plan is truly original, He is the master mind behind, all glory to Him.
********
The mentally ill Chinese guy whom I mentioned in my blog was sent to another mental hospital. I will visit him there..
*******
Today I woke up, I felt my life is new now. I felt very strange but nice.
Everything has changed, but God is still the same to me. And it doesnt change my identity in His eye.

I love him, and He loves me.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

powerful testimony

You know what happened 3 hours ago?

All of a sudden my dear sister Ivy Voon had very terrible rash and itchiness all over her body.It was already 2am and we just finished the birthday celebration for my boyfriend, I was dead tired. She requested me to send her to the hospital at 2 am...so we rushed to the hospital ( yes, the one where I worked at just 1 week ago).

My heart was troubled because it was already 2am on Thursday, and I still had so many things that I have not done before AGM on Friday and Kairos on Sat and Sun. I have to prepare for the worship leading, the step down speech, and I am also in charge of a 2hr session in Kairos (the bigger scale leadership seminar) but I have no idea what to teach/do!

I felt that it was a fierce spiritual warfare. Now that we were stuck in the hospital, I couldn't plan the 2hr workshop, and Ivy might not be able to play the piano and lead worship in Kairos due to the sickness.

Then in the hospital we just prayed and prayed and prayed. In my prayer I was reminded that the whole preperation of Kairos was not smooth, a few speakers pulled out and we are still short of one speaker. But all this is the devil's scheme.

A miracle happend after we prayed. Somehow we started to have a lot of fantastic ideas about the workshop. We were so excited and inspired by the Spirit that we managed to work the plan out in just 2 hours! In just 2 hours, in the hospital, with the help of the Spirit, we could do what I could not do in 3 weeks!

What amazed me the most was when we finished planning, Ivy's rash and itchiness disappeared simultaneously! We cancelled our registration and went home.

I felt so strongly the Lord has won the battle for us. What the devil tried to do against us, God turned it around and used it to bless us. God also knew I wouldn't be able to work that by myself at home because I was distracted by other responsibility. It has to be done in the hospital while we were freed from other duties.

The devil's plan: Ivy became sick + I had no time to plan
God's victory: Ivy was healed + we worked a wonderful plan together
Results: God gets the glory through our testimony

Trust me, it will be an awesome workshop, not because of me, but because I know this plan came from God. And God works for the good of all who love Him.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

slurppp

Ok lemme tell you what has been bugging me recently, in the midst of my crazy schedule, in the midst of the preparation to step down and move on...

' How can I possibly eat all the yummy food in KL while I am back for 1 month?'

I am not kidding! I really have been thinking of this hehe. See, I have been so deprived of nice food for a year, now that I am going back for 1 month, I think I have to plan my meals wisely so that I can eat all the things in 1 month.

Nasi lemak(must be the one in Sri Petaling)
Satay(must be the one on Kesas Highway)
Curry (my mom cooks the best curry, i think hehe)
Wanton noodle (Imbi market)
prawns and crabs
Kong Fu Chow (near Petaling Street has the best kong fu chow in kl)
roti canai

Yong Tofu (Ampang!)
etc etc etc etc etc...

I can't name all! How can I possibly fit all these into my stomach in 1 month?

It is very good that mom bought a treadmill last year, and it is now put in MY ROOM. Yeah my room has become a mini gym. The treadmill is there, dad's tai chi equipments are there, my brother's gym ball and dumbbells are there, and my sister's aerobic stuff are there too.

Mom just called, you know what she did? The durian season has just ended and she has kept some durians in the freezer so that I'll be able to enjoy them when I come back. Very smart and see how much she loves me hehe. Slurppppppppp...KL, I can't wait to come to you!


ok...back to reality. I am gonna eat instant noodles later. Too lazy to cook and sick of aussie style chinese food out there.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

a shocking evening

Hhm, it comes to story telling time again. Really, my life has become God and ministry orientated,and I don't share things between Chris and I because I am shy, and I don't like to tell the bits and pieces about my everyday life...so the next interesting thing to share will be related to my work... :)

Today there came a mentally ill patient to the Emergency Dept. He is an international student from a one of the Chinese speaking countries,studying a master degree in Adelaide Uni. I had particular interest in this patient because he is a Chinese, I thought I could communicate better with him.

He was detained in a special room guarded by 4-5 police officers. Apparently he threatened to kill ppl.

When I interviewed him, he told me in my face he hated all Chinese Malaysians because we spoke very lousy Mandarin. Because he was mentally ill I just let him say whatever he liked. But it was very hard not to take it personally..hmm

Later a lot of people came to talk to him, a lot of security guards and police were standing outside. He lost his control, started to punch the wall and his hand bled. He dropped on the floor and cried out in tears. He kept shouting he was just a student, not a criminal, he wanted to go back home etc etc

From the limited information that I managed to get from him,I gathered that he came from a broken family. He was a law student in a famous university but quit because of his mental illness.

What shocked me the most was when I found out his brother owns a very famous and successful franchise in Adelaide. Almost all Chinese students in Adelaide know this franchise.

Then I recalled I have seen his face just one month ago, in the shop, taking my order at the counter and handing me my order. He was joking and smiling at me in the shop.

It cut me deeply in my heart and I almost cried when he cried. A Chinese student with mental disorder, lives alone in a foreign country, speaks a different language, despised by everyone because of his mental illness, and now hurting himself.

I went to eat, I went to gym,I took the bus, I walked...but wherever I went, in my mind I could not get rid of the smiling face behind the counter, his smile was like sun shine, he handed me my order, he collected the money. He said goodbye and asked me to come again. The same person.

If only he grew up in a complete and healthy family, if only he knew God loves him. He was surrounded by so many people, if only I had the courage to pray with him and tell him about Jesus in the midst of doctors, nurses, police officers and other patients.

There is a 2nd chance, the doctors have decided to detain him in the hospital. Tomorrow I will visit him in the mental ward. I will try to tell him about Jesus.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

conversation with God

It was just God and I. As usual, we had an interesting conversation.

"So, Father, I have done my job, after 1 yr of leading OCF, have I been good and faithful?"

I felt God was smiling, then He said, "Yes, good and faithful servant."

Then I became very relieved, I thought in my heart, " yea, I have served God."

Then God immediately said," You think you have served me? Hehe, not quite, Siew Wai, on the contrary, I was doing you a favour; you didn't help me, but I helped you."

"Huh!???What did You mean, Father? "

" I put you in this position, a year and a chance to discover ME, to learn to trust in ME, and to know who you really are. Infact the very essence of being a believer is to know ME."

Immediately I was awestruck, I melted in my heart. What can I say? He must be laughing, like a father laughing at his little child who thinks he is clever by learning 1+1=2 in the kindergarten.

Truly, after 1 year of leading and serving, I got to know Him better, and He reflects who I am, how broken, how ugly, how sinful I am; He crushed my pride, He struck my knees so that I would lower myself, and acknowledge my weakness, so that He may display His lavish grace.

Truly, I did not offer Him any service, but He offered me a chance to know Him and know myself.

With this conviction, all the hard work and sufferings in the past has been wiped off. All I remember now is the joy and the gain. The joy is,I have known Him more; the gain is, I have learned the significance of humility.

Lower me, so that You will be exalted; I decrease so that You may increase.