my dearest committee

This is my committee. None of them is as 'old' as me. Look at the picture u will see how immature they were, pinning down their cute president to the ground at Easter camp. I am not sure if I am to be blamed, for they have become very crazy and lame, esp my secretary. ( She was holding the camera)

But i really love them. ALL of them. We have worked together for 9 months, meeting up every saturday at 730am to pray for OCF. Sometimes we are tired yet up lifted by each other thru prayers and words of encouragement. We cried, we laughed. We are souldiers in the battlefield.

Without them, I would stand alone as I lead.

Our remaining weeks together can be numbered till we hand over. 10 more weeks. How will I handle such an emotional moment on 8th Sept 06?

Tozer's prayer

I came across a very beautiful prayer. A.W. Tozer wrote this in his book 'The Pursuit of God'...

' Father, I want to know You, but my coward heart fears to give up its toys. I cannot part with them without inward bleeding, and I do not try to hide from You the terror of the parting. I come trembling, but I do come.

Please root from my heart all those things which I have cherished so long and which have become a very part of my living self, so that You may enter and dwell there without a rival. Then shall You make the place of Your feet glorious. Then shall my heart have no need of the sun to shine in it, for Yourself will be the light of it, and there shall be no night there.

In Jesus' name, Amen.'

my ' water and biscuit' analogy - Part 2

I have been so into theology nowadays, if my parents knew the amount of time I've spent on this area in comparison to the amount of time I should spend on studying my medical textbooks, they would probably have killed me long ago.

But studying theology did not help me in the correct way. The Lord spoke to me last week, 'Siew Wai, beware, you have made knowlegde your idol.'

True, knowledge does not help me to build intimate relationship with God. It's been sometime I was not able to truly communicate with God. I foundd myself straying in the wilderness, trying to battle my sinful nature with my own strength. The more I fought the more I realized I was helpless,powerless and weak. God, after watching my battle for so long, patiently waited for me to drag my own wounded body back to Him and say 'Father I can't do it by myself.'

I learned to give Him what I have but not trying to come out with what I do not have. I have a broken spirit and sins; I don't have perfection and strength.
There at the throne of Grace, I found myself bowing my head and kneeling; I also found God's acceptance.

This is grace. Everyone has to experience it personally to say that grace is sweet.I know what it means when John Piper says 'Stay close to the cross! Run to the altar of cross for the unlimited servings of grace!'

What is my greatest fear? My greatest fear is I know I am loved by God but my eyes, my ears and my heart fail to see,hear and feel it anymore. That is the greatest disaster of every believing Christian.

But GRACE overcomes this.

Apostle Paul was right when he wrote in Romans 5:20 (b) 'But where sin increased, grace increased all the more.'

So, again, the 'biscuit and water' analogy :) hehe

my 'water and biscuit' analogy - Part 1

Just the other day I spoke in OCF about what's next after justification and who is He who justifies...a revelation suddenly came to my mind.

Why did God,the King of Kings,Lord of Lords choose to come to the world in such a lowliness and meekness, and made Himself appeared to be weak and vulnerable, prepared to be ignored and rejected by the ones He loves? Why not come by force and aggression?

I found one answer, when God, who is full of love, comes with His love to meet the evil ones, the evil cannot do anything but be fully absorbed by the love of God.

Just like water, it appears to be 'soft',formless,harmless,clear and almost negligible...but when the biscuit, which is so hard , comes and meets the water, the biscuit can't do anything but be completely softened and absorbed by the water. Biscuit can never say to water 'No, you won't be able to dissolve me.'

This is the Gospel of Christ, full of grace and forgiveness. When I understand His heart better and better, I find myself being more willing to obey...Enuf of theology (to be continued)

Who is wiser?

God or man?

Imagine you were given a difficult and tricky situation, you had to solve it.

There were requirement #1 and #2, you MUST FULFILL BOTH requirements, but the problem is both requirements contradicted each other.

If you fulfill requirement#1 you automatically fail to fulfill#2; if you fulfill requirement #2 you automatically fail #1.

So you MUST fulfill #1 yet you MUST NOT fulfill #1; likewise for requirement#2.

How would you solve this tricky question?

*************************************************************************

Only God can solve this, and He has proven to us He is able to.

He is a just God,therefore to be just means we all MUST be punished and die because we are sinful. (Requirement #1)

He is a God of grace, therefore to be gracious means we all MUST NOT be punished and die because He loves us. (Requirement #2)

Both must be fulfilled,yet both must not be fulfilled.

No one would be able to solve this except God.He sent His son, He executed the punishment on His Son to maintain His justice (requirement#1), and He spared our lives to show us grace (requirement #2).

Awesome, isn't He? Who is wiser? God or man? Tell me if you can solve this. I can't, I must say His wisdom no one can understand. I can only bow down and praise Him.

yayy:)

I've just finished a very tough rotation in Modbury..that's about 50 mins from my place, so every morning i had to be there by 9am and sit in the small GP room ,sometimes i did have a 30 mins break in between for lunch...but most of the time i didnt have that luxury. by the time i finished at 6pm or sometimes 8pm, i was already starving and exhausted,then again there was this long drive/bus journey home.that was certainly not normal for a 6th year med student because we usually finish our day by 1pm, depends on how hardworking we are. the worst part about this rotation was that the GP loved to 'grill' me with a lot of questions to which the answers i'd obviously forgotten since my 3rd year, and he would give me a tough look and say, ' Siew, u have to brush up ur knowledge' ...yea yea yea i know, but isn't it very harsh to expect the med student to remember every minor detail that she's learned in her entire 6-year-course...
at one point of time during that rotation i really hated medicine. i'd never thought this way but at the rotation i really hated it. i asked God 'when can i get rid of this and be a full time minister for Your kingdom?' . i really enjoy doing ministry and even if i m tired my heart is full of joy. i know because i have been doing it.

but God has convicted me that He'd planned this for me, as part of the process of training,disciplining and shaping me. you can't sit still under your authority?well then I made you sit still in that room for one month. you think you have passed your final exams so you are slacking abit, well then I made you realized how much you need to study to be a doctor. you wanna be a missionary and plant churches and pastor My flock? well then I made you go through a temporary tough patch and let you taste that kind of life.

i am ashamed of what i was thinking. sorry Father..

i remember one night after the clinic, i took bus home. i got lost somewhere on my way walking to the bus stop, not knowing where i was at all. the road was empty and quiet. i was hungry, tired, cold. i walked and walked and walked, finally found a run down bus stop, but i had to wait for 40 mins in the darkness. the temp was 2 degree Celcius and i only wore a thin jacket.
i asked myself 'what was Jesus feeling when He was arrested in the darkness. could it be this cold..' ,and i told myself if i couldnt do this, i would not be able to be a missionary in a nation where i know no body...

so Father, You are right, that's part of the training process..and i am so happy now i m having a 3 week break :) time for full on ministry in OCF. yay!!

My first step

Yes, after being ignorant and stubborn for ages, I've finally decided to do this. After being proud of my uniqueness for all this while, I just felt I really wanted to express some of my thoughts. From being someone who wore a camouflage to someone who does not fear transparency, I can only thank God for the transformation. I am no longer the person who lived in her own dark world, sharing so many dark secrets with the evil soul mate in her heart, desperate for love but not really wanting to be loved and understood...On my own, I absorbed all my sorrow, anger and confusion...well, that's before I knew God. Now I am just a simple woman, nothing to hide.

Heh...because my first posting should not be about me,so I wanna acknowledge my Lord in here. Let Him be the One who is first to be mentioned and praised.