Today I got my job offer, it means although I am still in my final sem, I am guaranteed with a job, I will start working right after my graduation.
As I was driving home, I couldn't control my tears. I couldnt control the mixed feeling of unworthiness and praise in my heart. So I shouted while I blasted the music. I couldn't stop crying so I had to stop my car.
In tears I asked God, ' Why me???? Why did You bless me? I am not worthy! I don't deserve it!'
God answered me, ' I love you with an everlasting love, it surpasses all knowledge, and no one can fathom.'
I couldnt stop sobbing when I heard this. Who am I?
I cried in the car for 1 hour.
God has let me see His faithfulness. I remember begging Him not to let my heart turn cold in my life, not to let my eyes turn blind. My greatest fear was what if I became blind spiritually and stopped seeing His faithfulness?
Today He opened my eyes again and let me see the out pouring of blessings from heaven.
I am a sinner! When He casts His net of grace upon me, I am fully captured, i can't run away. My sin and brokenness is fully exposed before His throne when He gives grace. Today I truly understand why in Luke 5, after Peter saw the huge blessing, he knelt down and said , 'Go away from me, Lord, I am a sinful man!'.....That was what I felt.
Who can stand with his/her head lifted up when God shows His grace? We can only bow down in shame and cry, because we are not worthy. I understand why Paul said in Romans 5:20, ' Where sin increased, grace increased all the more.'
Luke 5, '...they left everything and followed Jesus.'
I would do the same. The job offer, the big catch of fish, both are just the subjects of blessing. When God opens our eyes, we of little faith see the love behind it, the blessing itself becomes secondary.
' What do I do after leading OCF? Where do I serve? OCF? Church? do Bible college? Stay in Aus? Go Malaysia? China?Africa?....' ...All these questions don't matter to me anymore. Just like the fish didnt matter to Peter anymore. I would leave everything, and follow Christ.
My heart is still thrilled. My eyes are still wet. I am truly humbled by His grace. Truly.
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7 comments:
It is very encouraging to read your blog sw, and most of all to see insights how He ha'th worked in you and through you.
I am humbled by the attitude to be in you. Thanks for the sharing sister!
hug, kongy :)
Congrats! *hug*
I agree with Kongy... Shine on, dear friend :)
:) thanks grace. it is the encouragement from u guys that makes a difference. yes God is the sole strength, but He also bless me thru u.
Such a humbling experience Siew Wai... reading your blog, if I weren't in this computer lab, I would have allowed my tears to well up and cry knowing that Great is His Faithfulness to those who seek Him. :) I pray that your daily life will continue to be a daily living testimony to those around u, you're such an inspiration to me, such a blessing.
hugz!!
mel, let us continue to spur each other on. u dunno how much i m put to shame to see the zeal u have in God's service...i m very honest.
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