When I was doing some house-keeping work on my laptop, I saw a folder in which I used to keep my journal.I definitely have forgotten about it. I opened and read thru the journal that I wrote back in 2003 till 2004. It shocked me to see the path I went thru.
To me, 2003 was the lowest and most depressing year in my life, because of many sins and mistakes and foolish decisions, it is marked as the darkest era in my life. Life was meaninglesss, the shame and guilt made me wanna kill myself again.
In the cloudiness and darkness, I saw a beam of light shone thru. It was God. I accepted Christ in 2003, it has become the turning point of my life.
Therefore 2003 is an interesting year, the darkest era was put to an end, and the bright era began, in the very same year. The old Siew Wai was dead,the new Siew Wai was born. He took away my shame and guilt, I no longer live in the shadow of guilt and shame.
How can I not love Him? How can I not thank Him? Whoelse can save a wretch, a crap, a rubbish, a sinner like me?
Then I read the journal of 2004. That was my 1st year of becoming a Christian. In the journal ,my prayer and words to God was like a child...Daddy,please bless this person and that person, Daddy, I love you...Daddy, Daddy Daddy...everything was about Daddy.
It amazes me, how far I have gone since then. From a baby Christian, God grew and matured me quickly, and He called me to lead OCF when I was a 2 and 1/2 yr old Christian..and now it comes to the end of serving in OCF. God has brought me this far. If not by Grace, whatelse can it be? Till today, all this still seem like a dream to me, it has been too wonderful, too beautiful, beyond comprehension.
I was losing my first love for Jesus, my heart was turning cold at a very very slow and unnoticeable rate, until today I read my journal dated in 2003. I believe God guided me to read it. It reminds me of how He has brought me out of the shadow of death.Now I can only bow down and thank Him.
I will keep this journal for as long as I can,to remind me how God has transformed me. Just like why God wanted to put the manna in the Ark of Covenant, to remind the Israelites how He has brought them out of slavery in Egypt and how He has provided them.But they forgot, therefore they rebelled.
Do not forget, do not forget how God has saved u. When you forget, your heart turns cold.
Romans 8 is my favourite. It tells us how far God has brought us thru.
1) Our flesh does not and can never submit to God, it is hostile
to Him.
2) But when we accept Jesus, the Spirit of God dwells in us.
3) The Spirit changes our mind --> changes our attitude and behaviour
-->we fulfill His law
4) We are now able to please God.
Glorious! How far have God brought me thru? This FAR:
Hostility --------------------------------------------------------->> Pleasing in His eyes
From being hostile to being pleasing, from one end to another end...I never wanna go backward.
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