i just wonder if i have done enuf in the past 1 year for ocf. i have tried my best. i have poured out my life and my love for 1 year. i wonder what God is thinking.
but why do ppl compare? it seems very unfair when u compare ur leader with other leaders. when u do that, it hurts ur leader, because u have not seen how much they've poured out behind the scene. and they will start to wonder, 'why on earth do i do all this, because no one appreciate it, i could have spared my energy to invest in my own life'
then i asked God this stupid question again ( i asked that when i first took chair), ' why did You choose me. just to fill in the gap after richard and before the next leader?'
Benji reminded me, 'u are doing it for the glory of God'. i think i have lost that sight after a while. i guess that's y i feel discouraged. im in spiritual attack to the point that i really believe i m crappy,
ok.i dun wanna do it for anyone, i do it for God. this has been a long, lonely, difficult journey. but God has been faithful in keeping His promise. if ocf did not do well, it would not be God who let me down, it would be i who failed Him.
the point is not how well u can do, and how much u 'outdo' the previous leader. it is entirely about how faithful u r in fulfulling the purpose of God as u lead, and how much God has been glorified..
i guess i just have to pick myself up again at this point (actually to let God pick me up), and trust in God. there is no point crying anymore. i remember teaching the young leaders to be strong in emotion, because a leader in any christian ministry is a target for criticism. i m telling the devil, i might be down now but i will rise up again and be a warrior! wait and see !!!
as i flipped thru Deuteronomy, God said to me ' The Lord ur God has blessed you in all the work of your hands. He has watched over your journey through this vast desert. These 40 years the Lord your God has been with you and you have not lacked anything.'
His aid always comes to me in time. Thanks, God. thanks, dear. thanks ben.
tomorrow i wil again smile victoriously at everyone and run from meeting to meeting; and u will see me standing confidently on friday in ocf.
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2 comments:
dear dear siew wai.
Reading your post... I really understand what you're feeling or have felt this past week. People often say leadership is one of the loneliest places to be in. Not many people trully understand feelings of a leader, her own struggles, her own battles, her own attacks. But through this all, we all learn that God is the only source of peace, assurance, strength, and affirmation.
God chose you, He equipted you, and brought you through this one year of leadership in OCF. He is proud of you. This comes from my heart, I thank God for you. Through my short time in OCF I've seen your heart poured out, you really don't know how much you've touched my life. Thank you Siew Wai.
Greater things than this shall you see Siew Wai. Greater things. Push on!
love and hugs,
sher =]
shermayne,
i am touched and encouraged. thank u so much. i really miss u, miss the time while u were here..
hug u tight tight..
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