a revelation (2)

Then I made myself sit down to analyse/discover myself. Many things happened in the past months and I have not done that for a while.

And while I was doing that God began to speak to me. Yes I did the test, I gotta know who I am at this stage, and subsequently I listed the top 5 weaknesses in my life. I always knew I have got these issues in my life, it is not like i did not know myself. Preachers and bible teachers always ask us to list down our strengths and weaknesses, I myself as a leader urged my members to do that as well. But this time is different. After doing that, I felt something deep inside me has woken up , from being slumber for ages. I felt a gush of fresh air and fresh oil poured down in my heart and it was entirely drenched in the freshness. I felt the awakening has caused every cell in my body to leap in joy and passion again.

I know it's very hard to imagine but that was exactly how I felt. I felt like dancing, shouting, grabbing someone in her/his arm and say Hey, I have woken up again. My Father has pulled me up again.

It has been too long that I lived by those weaknesses/issues in my life. I thought to myself, well, no one is perfect and it is ok to be imperfect. So yea, I knew I had the issues, but I was just too lazy to bring that up. Day by day they have slowly become part of me and I am so comfortable with being compromised, so contented in becoming the 2nd best.

Too long, it has been too long that I allowed myself to be the door mat and let the enemy (the devil) make his way in and out and step on me, trample over me under his feet.

A sick person will run to a doctor only if he/she agrees he/she is sick. God has tolerated me for a long time, and today as I declared it, something new took place. I wanna again allow the blood of the Lamb to wash me all over, I wanna let grace be grace.

God has begun His process of disciplining me, yet even His discipline is sweet, and His hands are gracious, because He breaks me down now in order to rebuild me to become stronger. I said He was gracious because He breaks me before the enemy (the devil) has any opportunity to do that to me. He disciplines me before I stumble in the face of my enemy. It is safe to fall before my Lord, fall at His feet, and He will reach His hand out for me. If I have to die, I'd rather die in Jesus than in the hand of my enemy.