yayy:)

I've just finished a very tough rotation in Modbury..that's about 50 mins from my place, so every morning i had to be there by 9am and sit in the small GP room ,sometimes i did have a 30 mins break in between for lunch...but most of the time i didnt have that luxury. by the time i finished at 6pm or sometimes 8pm, i was already starving and exhausted,then again there was this long drive/bus journey home.that was certainly not normal for a 6th year med student because we usually finish our day by 1pm, depends on how hardworking we are. the worst part about this rotation was that the GP loved to 'grill' me with a lot of questions to which the answers i'd obviously forgotten since my 3rd year, and he would give me a tough look and say, ' Siew, u have to brush up ur knowledge' ...yea yea yea i know, but isn't it very harsh to expect the med student to remember every minor detail that she's learned in her entire 6-year-course...
at one point of time during that rotation i really hated medicine. i'd never thought this way but at the rotation i really hated it. i asked God 'when can i get rid of this and be a full time minister for Your kingdom?' . i really enjoy doing ministry and even if i m tired my heart is full of joy. i know because i have been doing it.

but God has convicted me that He'd planned this for me, as part of the process of training,disciplining and shaping me. you can't sit still under your authority?well then I made you sit still in that room for one month. you think you have passed your final exams so you are slacking abit, well then I made you realized how much you need to study to be a doctor. you wanna be a missionary and plant churches and pastor My flock? well then I made you go through a temporary tough patch and let you taste that kind of life.

i am ashamed of what i was thinking. sorry Father..

i remember one night after the clinic, i took bus home. i got lost somewhere on my way walking to the bus stop, not knowing where i was at all. the road was empty and quiet. i was hungry, tired, cold. i walked and walked and walked, finally found a run down bus stop, but i had to wait for 40 mins in the darkness. the temp was 2 degree Celcius and i only wore a thin jacket.
i asked myself 'what was Jesus feeling when He was arrested in the darkness. could it be this cold..' ,and i told myself if i couldnt do this, i would not be able to be a missionary in a nation where i know no body...

so Father, You are right, that's part of the training process..and i am so happy now i m having a 3 week break :) time for full on ministry in OCF. yay!!