conversation with God

It was just God and I. As usual, we had an interesting conversation.

"So, Father, I have done my job, after 1 yr of leading OCF, have I been good and faithful?"

I felt God was smiling, then He said, "Yes, good and faithful servant."

Then I became very relieved, I thought in my heart, " yea, I have served God."

Then God immediately said," You think you have served me? Hehe, not quite, Siew Wai, on the contrary, I was doing you a favour; you didn't help me, but I helped you."

"Huh!???What did You mean, Father? "

" I put you in this position, a year and a chance to discover ME, to learn to trust in ME, and to know who you really are. Infact the very essence of being a believer is to know ME."

Immediately I was awestruck, I melted in my heart. What can I say? He must be laughing, like a father laughing at his little child who thinks he is clever by learning 1+1=2 in the kindergarten.

Truly, after 1 year of leading and serving, I got to know Him better, and He reflects who I am, how broken, how ugly, how sinful I am; He crushed my pride, He struck my knees so that I would lower myself, and acknowledge my weakness, so that He may display His lavish grace.

Truly, I did not offer Him any service, but He offered me a chance to know Him and know myself.

With this conviction, all the hard work and sufferings in the past has been wiped off. All I remember now is the joy and the gain. The joy is,I have known Him more; the gain is, I have learned the significance of humility.

Lower me, so that You will be exalted; I decrease so that You may increase.