girls, you are beautiful

Out of the blue I feel like dedicating this post to my girlfriends. ALL my girlfriends in general. (Of course my dearest sister in Sydney is included, just in case she gets jealous :P...of course you are my best pal. )


Many many times I thank God for my girlfriends in my life. Many many of you have made a huge difference in my life. Many of you touched me and left a mark in my life unknowingly. My life has been enriched by God through you. And right now as I look upon my own life, I feel like crying and hugging each of you and saying truly genuinely from my heart, thank you thank you and thank you for being who you are , for being so beautiful in God's eyes, and in mine too.


I wasn't quite like this a few years back, esp before I believed in God. Being well known for my tomboyish personality, I could never get close with any girls. I disliked shopping (ehem ehem) and anything to do with cosmetics; I hated any girlish activities , for example sitting around the table sipping coffee and talking about the latest trends or spending the whole day learning to cook; I despised the idea of getting married, sacrificing your own dreams, raising up children and revolving your life around your husband. I could not stand it when girls wasted their time talking about their Prince Charming and their boyfriends, or even gossiping about other girls. Ultimately what I disliked was the whole make up of a girl's personality that's very sensitive and easily offended.


Haha I am talking as if I was not a girl ;P


Therefore I DID not have many close girl friends. Most of my close friends and even my best friend used to be guys. They were my buddies.


God is very funny and so sweet that when He birthed a new life in me, He has also given me a new heart to love girls. When I look back, I realise He first made me secure in my own identity and comfortable to be myself, then He opened doors for me to go into the lives of many girls and vice versa.


I am serious, I guess to a certain extent I did struggle with my identity. I always wished I was born to be a man because I thought I could do so much more if only I was one. It drove me nuts when someone thought I was less successful because of my gender. In primary school, I was only elected as a vice president of the prefect board just because the teachers intended to reserve the position of president for a boy, who later turned out to be someone lacked leadership. I always wanted to prove my strengths; outdoing a girl was not a concern to me, my whole aim was to prove that I could do a better job than my male counterparts.


Phew... I could never be a boy by natural gender, so I behaved like one and even wanted to be stronger than anyone of them. That's why I only wore pants, shove my hair, walked, talked and played sports like a boy. I rarely cried or whinged. Behaving like a girl would make me appear weak, I dint want that.


So God has changed me :) And not only that, He puts a very very special place in my heart for girls. Girls from all walks of life, girls in any stage of their journeys, girls of any age. I began to view girls from a different and better perspective, and through God's eye, I see the cute little princess in the every girl's heart. I want to open my arms for every girl who crosses my path, and tell each of them that they are absolutely beautiful and lovely.


I understand you, my girl friends. I m not old in my age, but I have been through a few things in my past esp before I met Christ. Insecurity, identity problem, lack of confidence/even too much confidence, depression, suicidal, rebellion, arrogance, fears, rejections, betrayal, relationships, break ups, flings and affairs, sexual promiscuity, homosexuality, drugs, alcohol, the struggles in uni and at work , loss of direction, loneliness, brokenness etc etc etc etc... and undoubtedly more new challenges will come but I am not fearful. If God has birthed a new life and hope, He will sustain me till the end.


Therefore I understand you my girlfriends. For everything that you are struggling now, I wanna embrace you and tell you God loves you, so do I.


One of the younger girls confided in me in regard to how she had been repeatedly falling into the same trap because of the wrong decisions she made. Somehow my heart was aching and burdened, I held her in my arms and wept and wept and wept. I saw myself in it, years ago, allowing myself to live a defeated life because of the wrong decisions that I made. I saw a very lonely and broken soul plunged into darkness, sobbing but no one heard her (undoubtedly God heard it). I plead with you, young girl, please don't hurt yourself by living a life according to your flesh. I understand you and wanna protect you.


...


Thank you for being there for me, my girlfriends. Thank you for being great and mighty women in my life. I feel rich, so rich, so rich. God bless your beautiful hearts.