this stage of my life

Why have I disappeared from the web? Not just the web. In the past few weeks I have not had much time to join any church events or other social functions.

Why? Because I am so busy at work. I feel that God is really stretching me, training me and preparing me to be a missionary doctor. I basically work 7 days in a row, then have 1 day off, then 7 days again and so on. Everyday the hospital looks like a battle field , I have so many patients on my list that I literally have no break in between. Working 10-12 hours straight WITHOUT lunch or even a sip of water is NORMAL to me. No joking. I have lost 2 kilos so far in 2 weeks.

My workload is 2 times heavier than my peers . I dunno why. In our hospital, each medical team will have 1 intern. Some teams are not very busy, some teams are. My team is very well known to have many patients. No one knows why beside my boss. Usually each intern will have to take care of only 10-18 patients. I usually have to take care of 26-35. I DUNNO WHY. I will call it a good list if the number drops to 25.

And it is a whole new different thing to be a doctor than a medical student. Pressure comes from every possible source. Your bosses expect you to do the jobs NOW, the nurses push you to get things done NOW, the patients want it NOW, the patients' families or GPs want to speak to you NOW, the staff from other departments want the jobs done NOW so that they can leave at 4pm...they all demand something from you NOW NOW NOW NOW...and while you are already trying your best to satisfy everyone, your stupid pager keeps beeping and you spend half of your time answering calls from all these ppl.

That's why I say God has a special purpose for me. I feel that the time is near. He is preparing me to be a missionary.

The real challenge comes now. 10-13 hours fly just like that everyday without me realising it. I feel that every single second this world is sucking my energy away. When I drive home, my brains freeze. Everyday it is a constant battle for me to stay awake in my prayer and studying the Bible. Now I understand what it means in Mark 12:30 : "Love your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind and all your strength."

It does need strength. And the challenge is, when you have no more strength left in you, you still strive to love Him. That is when you rely not on your own strength but His. Sometimes I feel so lonely, I feel so isolated. I have not had intimate fellowship with other believers for a while. Sometimes I feel I am forgotten. All I am left is God Himself. But I believe even this is also His special plan, so that I rely on Him alone, and I will turn out to be a tough person.

The good side of my story is, I know there is an inborn fighting spirit in me. I feel like a warrior and I will fight for my God. I pray everyday that I might glorify my God in my career. I could have been slack and leave my jobs undone so that I can go home early. But I choose not to. I choose to smile to and be at peace with everyone even when they are annoying. I choose to pray for my patients and encourage them even when I m busy. The result is, I enjoy my work, I love the nurses, my patients tell me I am different from other doctors, the nurses love me, I get along so well with my colleagues and they are amazed I can handle that amount of work yet be cheerful all the time.

Not my ability, but All the glory and praise be to my God. Amen.