Who are you? -1

When I was praying my thoughts wandered back to the dark age when I did not know God, and I saw myself. The memories of my life in the past are still fresh, but in those visions they are fragmented.

I was at school, and all of a sudden I was in a pub; then I was in the university; then with friends ....it was everywhere, but at every stop I saw a lonely and broken me who needed restoration.

Then my memory stopped at the first time I stepped into a church. In the clear vision I was walking in to a very small local church, the usher greeted me with a warm welcome and asked if I was coming with anyone. I said I was by myself. Then I picked the back row. And the praise and worship began. People raised their hands and sang.

I closed my eyes and a very powerful feeling gripped my heart. I wept when the feeling of familiarity struck me. I knew my brokenness and emptiness was restored. One touch from God is enough to bring renewal to my life.

8 years later when I was in church I revisited that memory.

I whispered to God, ' Yes Lord, I have met You on that special day.'

God replied, 'But I have met you a very long time before that day.'


Psalm 139 is my favourite scripture at all time.

Psalm 139 verse 13: For You created my inmost being, You knit me together in my mother's womb.'

church after night shift

Gladiator -1

Quoted from my journal in the beginning of August 2010:


Just a few more weeks to my exams. I am a lil nervous but not too bad this time. It doesn't feel like the last exams in March. I know God will deliver the victory into my hands again. He did it last time, this time He will do the same.

But I am still a lil anxious...

My friend and I did a few rounds of revision together, and I have forgotten most things that I studied from the very beginning. Dear Lord, You are my only help....

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Quoted from my journal in early September:

1 more week to go and I will again face the giant of this season. The last 2 subjects are just a week away in Melbourne. But this time I am confident, very confident....not in myself, but in my Lord Jesus Christ.

6 months ago I was shivering and fearful, and God gave me a word about splitting the Red Sea and letting His people walk on dry ground to the promised land. He has miraculously let me pass the last exams, therefore I will continue to put my faith in Him. He is able, and if He was willing to do that for me in the past, I am confident that He will do it for me again this time.

Therefore I am very confident, not in myself but in my Lord God Almighty....


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Quoted from my journal on 14/9/10:

That's it. The exams will start tomorrow. After one whole year of intense preparation, lifestyle changes and sacrifice from Kevin and I, I just can't wait to get this exam over and done with.

Yesterday God gave me a vision. He seems to give me a lot of revelations through visions. This time the vision is about GLADIATOR.

I found myself playing the role of a Gladiator in my vision, and I was walking from the underground tunnel towards the arena. Ahead of me was a fierce battle awaiting me. I could hear the loud cry of the massive crowd who had filled up the whole Colosseum, they had come from near and far to be entertained by this battle that might put me to death.

I stood in front of the gate at the end of the tunnel and I could feel the heat of the battle.

But in my vision, I saw a gigantic figure behind me , He is my God and He cast His shadow over me. He said,' Don't be afraid of the battle ahead of you. I have already given the victory in your hands. You will not be harmed. '

Yeah! Gladiator I am.


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Quoted from my journal after I got the results....17/9/10.


I have locked myself in the hotel room for more than 36 hours. Sometimes I studied, sometimes I looked out of the window facing a beautiful lake, sometimes I lay in bed, sometimes I was on my knees praying. This room is like a beautiful prison cell. But I knew I was not alone, surely God was with me.

Psalm 23 was on my mind the whole time.

The night before the written exam, I went over to my friend's room for revision. He was very depressed and worried about the exams. I laid hand on him and prayed for him, I saw his eyes turned red after the prayer, I knew God must have done something in his heart.

The next day he thanked me and said the prayer worked in him :)

The written and oral exams both went very well for two consecutive days. For the oral exams, God gave me the same examiner who gave me the exam in March! How amazing! I don't think it was by chance. Some exam candidates had very harsh and difficult examiners who would not move on to the next questions unless they said all the right things. But this examiner that I had was fantastic. She was very gracious to me in my March exams that I thought I did not do very well.

The best thing after the oral exams was when the examiners of both subjects said 'well done' before I left. I walked out of the exam hall feeling very good, and I could not stop praising God because if without Him, it would not be possible for me to come to this stage.

The results came out on 17/9/10, Friday evening. I passed!!! (and later when I received the breakdowns of all the answers by post, I realized I did not just pass , I passed with flying colours!)

I knew it! I knew it because my Almighty God had promised deliverance of victory to me. I did my best and the rest I surrendered to Him. It's all Him and I do not dare to take any glory.I am so humbled by His grace and mercy. He has sustained me throughout the whole year of intense preparation, I must have spent more than 1000 hours in it. It was not easy to manage this esp with full time ICU employment and a new marriage. God has renewed me from strength to strength in every moment of my life. And He has also blessed my marriage in every way! Hallelujah!

He is a faithful God, rich in His love, grace and mercy. If we set our hearts to follow Him and trust in Him, He will straighten our paths.

Barnabas

Today Ps Matt preached about Barnabas, which means the son of encouragement.

It stirred me and brought back the ancient memories that was compressed and buried by the giant wheel of life.


Barnabas was the one who saw the work and grace of Christ in Saul's life. He was the one who saw beyond the sinfulness and brokenness in Saul. He saw the hand of Christ in Saul. He saw his potential and his neediness for Christ and His grace.


This has brought me to recall the early age of my Christian life. Who was my Barnabas? Who led me to Christ? Who has discipled me and not judged me when I was still mucking around even after I was saved?


I suddenly remembered those people. I wonder how they are doing now...


I also thought of the few people on whom I have had some impact. I did for them what my Barnabas-es have done for me when I was still a baby Christian. They have grown mature and continued to exert their influence on the others.


When I think about this I praise God with all my heart. It is a beautiful gift that He has given to all of us. The heart of love and grace. It doesn't come naturally in us. When CHRIST DIED ON THE CROSS FOR OUR SINS, He showed us His ultimate love for us. And He transplants this heart into us.


I am glad I have been someone's Barnabas. But if not because of today's sermon, I would have forgotten that I have done that to someone. I think this is a good thing, because ultimately we are the hands and feet of Christ, used for His glory. It is not about us, but about Him.


I will continue in this ministry of discipleship, grace and encouragement. After all, everyone is broken, everyone needs Christ.

A story about God's grace in my life - Exams.

The exams have finally finished and I have a story to tell about this. If you have time, please read on for this is not about me, but about God.


I decided to take this exam before our wedding, but I could not start preparing for it because of wedding preparation and honeymoon. The recommended time to prepare for this exam is usually 6 months for every person. I started preparing for this only 4 months ago.


When it came close to the exam I knew I was way too underprepared. I did not feel good about this exam at all, but God just kept telling me to do my best and leave the rest to Him.


The exam was held in Sydney, so I came to Sydney on Tuesday, trembling all the way. I have never been so fearful about an exam in my whole life, and in my life I have never failed anything (except for music class in primary school because I can't sing:P) but this time I thought to myself, I would surely fail this.


The few days and nights I spent by myself in the hotel , between the study desk (yes, it is a FIVE STAR hotel catered for busy cooperate people) and the toilet. The desk was piled up with many textbooks , each of them as thick as the yellow pages.


I was tired, lonely, and scared.


But God has not left me alone. Literally every single moment when I put down my notes, He would talk to me gently.


He said 'Lean not on your own understanding, but trust in ME, I will show you what I can do. '


I felt as though I was the Israelites spies who saw the Anakites in the land of Canaan ,the promised land , and they felt as small as grasshoppers in their own eyes. But the Lord told me that tomorrow He would give me the promised land. And not related to the Canaan land, He said He would part the Red Sea and let me walk on the dry ground. He also told me if I march around 'my Jericho' with His name , 'my Jericho' would surely fall down.


I was soooooooo close to God because there's only Him there and then. Nothing else can help me.


I went to the written exam on Wednesday. I realised I couldn't answer a lot of questions,; a lot of questions came out from passyear paper but I did not have time to do them. I saw many people finished the exam early and left confidently. My heart sank to the bottom.


Then I went to the oral exam on Thursday. It was disastrous. the first question was strange and unpredicted, I was terrified and lost my confidence for the subsequent questions. My mind went blank and I did not remember anything that I studied so hard for.


I came back to the room sobbing in tears again, thinking surely I would fail. And I would have to start all over again to prepare for another 6 months, and life had to pause again for this exam, etc etc etc.


Yet the Lord picked me up, I told myself, 'Siew Wai Wong ,Get up now and praise God.'


So I sang praises to Him in my sorrow and brokenness. I kept reading Psalm 23. 'Even though I walk through the valley of shadow of death, I will fear no evil for You are with me. '


Yet I heard Him say, ' Don't be despaired, for tomorrow this time I will show you what MY Mighty power can do.'
Oh my faith was stretched to a point of breaking. I began to doubt if it was my OWN voice which said this.


The result came out today on the wall of the exam hall. When I saw that I have passed not just one, but BOTH subjects, I couldn't believe my own eyes. I checked 4 times to make sure I got my name and number right.


Then I broke down in tears immediately, even until now. I have been crying intermittently for a few hours now.


Oh Lord Oh Lord, It is all Him. Nothing in me that deserves that. He really did it for me as He promised. I am overwhelmed and humbled by His loving kindness for me. It reminds me of my salvation, I have done nothing to deserve it, yet He has given it to me freely.


And I cry not because of the exam, but because of who God is.
It is like when Jesus caused Peter to catch a lot of fish; after seeing this, Peter abondoned the fish and followed Him.


I promised God I would share this testimony with everyone, because it is all God's glory.