Since very very young I have always had a feeling of insecurity. When I was 2 (I could remember thing as far as the age of 2 :> ) I knew I was alone when my parents brought my older brother overseas and left me with my aunt. I still vividly remember the feeling of helplessness and loneliness when I woke up from an afternoon nap and found out my parents had left home for holiday, I was just 2 years old.
Then as I slowly grew up, I grew up with a strong feeling that I did not belong to this world. I was constantly surrounded by ppl / materials/ events, yet deep down I felt detached from any human being or anything or any place in this world. For this reason I used to traveled/ backpacked a lot and journaled on trains/buses/planes.. I remember I wrote something like this on the train: I feel like I am a premature chick who can barely fly/walk because my wings and legs are not developed, I am ditched in an ocean and drowned because I can't swim, I don't belong to the ocean...
And tadaaa! Guess what, I found God. And I learned that it is real that I don't belong to this world, that's why I had that strong feeling of being detached from this world.
So a long time ago I asked God the same old question that I used to think about. God, is there a place that is safe and secure in this world?
God answered, no, there is no place safe enough to make you feel secure. The only place that is safe and secure is the place where you have the most intimate communion with ME.
Since then I became convicted that no matter where I go, up to the heavens, the far side of the sea, the end of the earth... and even if I am alone, I shall feel safe and secure because I know there is no safe place in the world, the only safe place is the place where I have closest communion with God.
Just a spontaneous posting :)
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