simplicity

Today I went to the Show with a friend. We walked past every ride, every stall and every exhibition and then came to the last pavilion anticipating it to be as boring as the previous ones.

It was a flowers exhibition. They built a garden with hundreds of flowers in the middle of the hall. To be honest given that I have absolutely no interest in flowers, it's not surprising that I found the flowers boring . I took a very quick walk around the garden , couldn't wait to get out of the pavilion. At this time I heard a very beautiful music through the PA system. To my surprise as I walked towards the end of the hall , I realized the music wasn't played from a CD, but by a live band.

The band was awesome and they played beautiful music that seemed magical. We no longer wanted to get out but just to sit down and chill out in the midst of it.

As I was appreciating the beauty of the music, a question popped up in my mind (maybe from God, maybe myself). It was just a very simple question, but serious enough to put me in deep thoughts. 'When was the last time I listened to this type of music?'

Maybe 4-5 years ago?...I used to love instrumental/world music and collected many CDs, although they were very pricey. I realized ever since I became a Christian, my preference has slowly shifted to Christian songs. I have lost my interest in any other types of music.

Then another question popped up, ' When was the last time you drew/painted something?', maybe 3-4 years ago? I used carry my sketch book wherever I went , esp when I backpacked. I loved stopping whenever I wanted and just sketched a nice building or a beautiful landscape. I would also spend the whole day at drawing/painting because I was zealous about it.

'When was the last time you shot a beautiful photo?' ...maybe 4-5 years ago. I used to love photography. When I was even younger I wished I was a professional photographer for the National Geographic Magazines.

I loved the nature. Any lil vegetation/insect would attract my attention. I yelled with excitement when I saw rainbows, clouds, sunrise, sunset etc...

Then many many other similar questions popped up. I began to realize i have been so caught up with pursuing/achieving goals that I have lost myself into it. I have pushed myself too hard, wanting to do well in ministry, wanting to be a 'good' believer and role model, wanting to sacrifice myself in order to make everyone (including God) happy...

I have made myself a religious legalist, I set rules and regulations upon myself. Perhaps the things that I have been doing are right, but I am sure this is not how God wants me to live my life.

Today I was reminded that God did not give me Christianity, but He gave me LIFE. Life to the fullest, life in abundance. I wanna live a full life again, not just being caught up with achieving goals. Ministry is never a goal , Christianity is never a religion, relationship with God is never about legalism. Life is so beautiful and eternity is so vast and is beyond my imagination. I dun wanna live my life just chasing one thing after another.

I wanna reuse all the opportunities, all the whatever that God has given me. I wanna let God reactivate all my senses, to see, to hear,to smell, to taste and to feel EVERYTHING in life. I want every drop of my life be saturated with the fullness of God.

I dunno how to put all my thoughts in words. but I am enlightened:)