soul searching...

I've fallen in love with intensive care medicine.


I love it I love it I love it.


What about surgery? I have been asking myself and God a lot a lot of questions.


Not that I have not faith to walk the rough surgical path. But God began to show me He has not called me to be a surgeon.


Then why did I have the burning desire to be a surgeon? If it wasn't God then why did I have the desire?


Then I realised that becoming a surgeon has become a goal that drives me forward. Deep down inside, maybe I wanted to prove something. When I talked or thought about surgery, it always involved a lot of hardships and sufferings. I felt suffocated by this dream.


I kept asking God to show me.


Then until I did my ICU rotation (and I am still doing it now)... It is a totally new and interesting experience. I have fallen in love with it. I can see myself doing it as a specialty.


And it is a different feeling from surgery. In surgery, I see myself chasing goals, proving myself and playing the politics game. But in Intensive Care, I see myself thriving.


Everyone says the same thing about intensive care and me. 'Siew Wai, you are cut out for this. you are thriving. you are so passionate when you talk about intensive care. '


Yes, I think so. I think so....


So I was meant to finish off my intensive care rotation today and change over to surgery tomorrow. This morning I had a crazy idea, what if I stay on for 1 more term and ditch surgery?


But I have to find someone to replace me in my surgical position....


I asked my friend B who is currently in surgery, if he was keen to stay on there to replace me...but B was meant to move to anaesthetic department even though he is dying to carry on in surgery; so he cant replace me unless he found someone to replace him in anauesthetics. So what now?....


You will not believe this.


My other friend C who is now in ICU with me is keen to go to anaesthetic department...but he couldnt go because no one would replace him in ICU....


In the end , my friend C is very happy to replace B in Anaesthesia department; so B can stay on in the surgical department; and because B is staying on in the surgical department , he can replace me; and in turn, I will replace my friend C in Intensive Care.


All 3 of us are very happy,...we have got what we wanted. Looks like a perfect solution that pleases everyone!!!


I know it must be God. MUST BE GOD....Just within 1-2 hours...the problem was solved and I get to stay on in ICU.


:) looks like ICU is for me.