convergence...

(This photo was taken in Port Fairy , Victoria )














So.... I've met this wonderful guy. I am not a story telling person. Perhaps this photo of convergent lines tells this story better. And it feels like this.






Sounds mushy but it feels as though I've been waiting for this man for my entire life.




I've never believed I could love and beloved like this.



I've never believed I can understand someone and be understood like this.



I've never believed someone can know and read the complexity of me better than I can do to myself.



I've never believed 2 is better than 1.



I've never believed having a life companion would not be a stumbling block to my relationship with God and service for Him.



I've never believed ....such person exists.






I wanted absolute concentration for God and myself. I am a weird person anyway.



I yelled out loud to the world, leave me alone, Do NOT come any closer. Stay where you are.

I do not wanna be read , do not even try to undestand me for you can never do it. No one can. I am happy to be by myself, I don't need anyone to make me happy and complete. I am focused. Life is about me and my God. Loneliness is my defence.



I stand in a crowd watching everyone. I am a photographer, I am in the crowd but I never wanna be part of it, therefore I am a photographer; I capture the emotions of people so that no one can capture mine. I reach out to ppl proactively so that no one will reach out to me .



I told him, dont come near me. I am a missionary. I wil go to the ends of the earth for my God. Leave me alone and undistracted.



'Don't call me. I don't wanna see you. I am scared and I am running. ' ...I said this to him numerous times, even though deep down inside I knew I was already attracted to this man who fears no resistance.



It wasn't even my intention to try or test him. I was genuinely resistant to having changes in my life. What's wrong about being a hermit? Why subject myself to unnecessary hurt and hardships?



And I've made my declaration to God and the world, I wanna be single for God, not cut out to have relationship.



But this silly man is also a clever man. He reads and analyses me. He advances and then stops,he throws questions at me and waits for my response. Each time when he does that, I see myself pulling down one layer of my guard.



'What do I really want for myself, what's holding me back if I am dearly attracted to him?'



Suddenly I wasn't sure anymore. God began to use him to reveal to me the issues that I did not even dare to address.



This man said 'You promised the world that you'd remain single and you hold on to your promise, but who will remember what you once said? When every audience has moved on in life, all that you have is you and your echo in an empty stadium. '



Clever man, clever choice of words, clever observation.



Suddenly I heard loud noise of huge thick walls shattering into dust. No more castle.

Lemon princess looks around , and she sees blue sky, green pasture, flocks of sheep and cows, and her jester knight standing, smiling, waiting.


And I found myself putting my hand in his, my head on his shoulder, and whispering to him,
yes I love you.



Yes, 2 is better than 1. Finally I admit.






(photo taken in Port Fairy, Victoria )