My flag

This was taken in Victoria, July...

for more photos...click www.siewwai.zenfolio.com

I had a very bad day at work today. I've been constantly made to feel stupid,useless and insignificant by various ppl, inlc my boss.

Well that's not the meat of this post.

So the conclusion is, I had a bad bad bad day.

For some reasons, in the past few months I've been feeling progressively discouraged to a point where I doubted if I was a good doctor. Will I even become a surgeon?

It's hard to believe when your vision is clouded. But the thing is, I have not strayed away from God at all....why do I still feel lousy about myself ?

Then God has begun to work in me in the last few weeks, and it has been an amazing process. Upto yesterday , I felt that my heart has almost recovered. But something was still missing....I lacked the Ommmmh....the flame that I used to have.

Until today.....

I got into the car after work...I blasted the music , and I sang praises to God. Then suddenly I was again reminded that what I went thru today was not something new.

'Siew Wai, have you not been there before?'....I could almost see His grin.

Suddenly I was reminded, yea...that's familiar, that's the same old trick that the devil uses all the time. I've had many of those storms previously. And in the past, with God's power, I've always overcome them like a conqueror.

But lately life has been smooth sailing (and sweet because I've met someone wonderful:)) and I've become a lil too comfortable. I forgot that my battle had not finished. I let down my guard and the enemy crept in.

Naw.... then all the more I sang louder, and praised and prayed. I m not gonna let the enemy stop me from praying.

Once again I felt that the fire in me has come alive. The slumbered giant is awakened and roarrrrrrrrs at the enemy just like what she used to do.

And I stretch my Faith muscle, I take ground, I raise the flag of victory :)

Do you have dreams?

So cute...

by siew wai, 6/9/08













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Everything begins with a thought , I call that 'a dream'.


Everyone has at least a dream or dreams in their lifetime. God gives us the ability to dream and even the dream itself. Everyone has dreams. Dreams that are fulfilled, or dreams that die and go with them to the grave.


What is your dream? Do you remember once you have had many many dreams when you were younger? Children don't stop to dream because they do not yet know the world. But when they grow up, they drop their dreams because the world tells them their dreams are silly and they are never good enough to have those dreams come true.


I had many dreams, and I still have many now. I am big on having dreams. Some dreams have already become realities, some are still in the forms of dream, but I have not stopped believing that those dreams will come true.


I don't believe life is just about growing up, going to school, finish the education, getting a job, finding a partner, getting married, having children, growing old, retiring, and dying.


Of course, these are the inevitable , and they are important. And each of these teach us about life, about ourselves, and most importantly , about God.


But those are not the 'thing' that we live for. How boring and dull life would be otherwise.


I am a strong advocate of living for dreams, or in other word, the purpose of God in my life.


God has given a lot of dreams and prophecies when I was younger. I hold on to them, when things get difficult and my vision clouded, I hold on to the promises of God. When the images in my dream fade, God comes in again to remind me that I am destined for greatness (SO IS EVERYONE, as long as you believe) .


Ezekiel has lately become my most studied passage. Ezekiel means 'strenghened by God'. God says there many many times, that 'I The LORD have spoken and I will do it.'


I will dream on, and walk in the light of God. Be strong and very courageous, do not be terrified, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go .

these frightened creatures - sheep

This photo was taken in Victoria...by Siew Wai ....more photos on www.siewwai.zenfolio.com






Why does God refer us as sheep? Because sheep have good economical value and bring huge profit? Or because they mehhhhhh....?



Of course not.



Sheep are a strange type of creatures. Very very strange. If not by God's great plan I think they would have become extinct by now.



They are the most defenceless type of creature. It's not their fault, by nature they are made and born with the inability to protect or defend themselves. They are not the fastest herbivores, in fact I can probably run faster than them. They have no horns that attack or strong legs that kick.




By themselves, they are not fit for survival in the wilderness.

And they are timid. Although born in a huge body, their courage is inversely proportional to their physical size. They are easily terrified and somewhat hysterical. The sight of a stranger even from 50 ft away is enough to create commotion amongst themselves , and then they start to panic , turn around, and ruuunnnnnnn!

Their thick wool predisposes them to growing bugs that's only specific yet lethal to them. Hence regular shearing is not just profitable for the farmers but is also essential to maintain the hygiene of the sheep.

And they lack the ability to sniff out pastures or streams. When they are led to a green pasture , their vision is so narrow that they will just eat and eat and eat the grass that's within their visual fields, and when they have finished eating the grass they stubbornly go on chewing the roots, and, destroy the pasture.

Sheep need their shepherd, or they die.

Stupid and short visioned, weak and fearful as they are, they recognise their shepherd's voice.

They go where the shepherd leads, they stupidly trust their shepherd.

The shepherd leads them to a safe place, sometimes up to the hills and down to the valleys just to bring them to a better, greener pasture. And in the process of traveling to the green pasture, some weaker sheep might fall, sometimes they legs get trapped between rocks , and they bleat. The shepherd will carry the weak sheep on his shoulder.

The shepherd watches over them, the shepherd casts his eye on each one of them and counts them. The shepherd casts his vision on the horizon, he looks out for any trace of possible threat.

The shepherd leads his flock to the quiet streams. It has to be quiet streams because large rivers with splashing water are too frightening to the poor timid sheep.

You know what is the most interesting observation?


Sheep are stupid, weak, defenceless, timid, faithless, prone to diseases, and they exhaust the pastures. They need constant attention and tender care.


But does the shepherd know about this?


I m sure he does.



He has to have real love for the sheep in order to be a good shepherd, and he does that because he owns the sheep. Hired hands care nothing about the sheep.



Oh I am so humbled by this. Who do I think I am? I am but sheep, weak and faithless.


My Lord Jesus is my shepherd. The Good Shepherd, and I know His voice.

My paparazzi business

By Siew Wai. Click www.siewwai.zenfolio.com

convergence...

(This photo was taken in Port Fairy , Victoria )














So.... I've met this wonderful guy. I am not a story telling person. Perhaps this photo of convergent lines tells this story better. And it feels like this.






Sounds mushy but it feels as though I've been waiting for this man for my entire life.




I've never believed I could love and beloved like this.



I've never believed I can understand someone and be understood like this.



I've never believed someone can know and read the complexity of me better than I can do to myself.



I've never believed 2 is better than 1.



I've never believed having a life companion would not be a stumbling block to my relationship with God and service for Him.



I've never believed ....such person exists.






I wanted absolute concentration for God and myself. I am a weird person anyway.



I yelled out loud to the world, leave me alone, Do NOT come any closer. Stay where you are.

I do not wanna be read , do not even try to undestand me for you can never do it. No one can. I am happy to be by myself, I don't need anyone to make me happy and complete. I am focused. Life is about me and my God. Loneliness is my defence.



I stand in a crowd watching everyone. I am a photographer, I am in the crowd but I never wanna be part of it, therefore I am a photographer; I capture the emotions of people so that no one can capture mine. I reach out to ppl proactively so that no one will reach out to me .



I told him, dont come near me. I am a missionary. I wil go to the ends of the earth for my God. Leave me alone and undistracted.



'Don't call me. I don't wanna see you. I am scared and I am running. ' ...I said this to him numerous times, even though deep down inside I knew I was already attracted to this man who fears no resistance.



It wasn't even my intention to try or test him. I was genuinely resistant to having changes in my life. What's wrong about being a hermit? Why subject myself to unnecessary hurt and hardships?



And I've made my declaration to God and the world, I wanna be single for God, not cut out to have relationship.



But this silly man is also a clever man. He reads and analyses me. He advances and then stops,he throws questions at me and waits for my response. Each time when he does that, I see myself pulling down one layer of my guard.



'What do I really want for myself, what's holding me back if I am dearly attracted to him?'



Suddenly I wasn't sure anymore. God began to use him to reveal to me the issues that I did not even dare to address.



This man said 'You promised the world that you'd remain single and you hold on to your promise, but who will remember what you once said? When every audience has moved on in life, all that you have is you and your echo in an empty stadium. '



Clever man, clever choice of words, clever observation.



Suddenly I heard loud noise of huge thick walls shattering into dust. No more castle.

Lemon princess looks around , and she sees blue sky, green pasture, flocks of sheep and cows, and her jester knight standing, smiling, waiting.


And I found myself putting my hand in his, my head on his shoulder, and whispering to him,
yes I love you.



Yes, 2 is better than 1. Finally I admit.






(photo taken in Port Fairy, Victoria )

back yes i am back

Victor Harbour....connect group .... click www.siewwai.zenfolio.com)

What an overwhelming month.

Holiday in Sydney was great.

Melbourne trip was life changing. Why? Allow me to expand on that later:) ehem....

Yiheyis has had his liver transplant. My heart leaps and rejoices along with the rest, God is great and faithful aint He. We shall all sign up for organ transplant.

Emergency rotation was over. Remember I was so devastated when they shafted me there instead of my surgical rotation? Indeed God knows the best , He never makes mistakes.

And then...I am so proud to be a Chinese.

and...I shall post more regularly :)

( Victor Harbour again....click www.siewwai.zenfolio.com)

Chaos

At a train station, Sydney, 10/7/08

www.siewwai.zenfolio.com

The things in the world are constantly changing at the pace that I can never be comfortable with.

God is the only source of courage and stability amongst all other variables.

I shall not resist changes, nor shall I feel faint at the sight of the trials and mountains, for God has birthed the spirit of power in me, and I take pleasure in climbing the mountains until I reach the top of the world.

Do not fret.

Take heart. The train is the only variable that moves. Not the station, not the platform. The train comes, but it will go away. The next train will come too, and will it not go away very quickly just like the first one?

www.siewwai.zenfolio.com

National Geographic

On and off I've posted a few photos to the National Geographic.com ....




















Someone rated 4 stars for my photos = ) yeayyyyyy




















One day, hopefully one day one of my photos will be selected and published on the National Geo Magazine...hopefully ..is it a very daring ambition?

(copyright@siewwai)

www.siewwai.zenfolio.com

Family time

No matter how proud I am of Adelaide, I'd hv to admit that Sydney is great.

This is a hard-earned break. Sis is here, and mom came to join us too. Not doing much at all, not even shopping (for i've finally grown sick of it now)...just some siew wai time, some family time, some photography time....

It's very refreshing to shoot in a foreign place...now i believe, a photographer does need to travel.

Enjoy the photos...click http://www.siewwai.zenfolio.com/ =)

(copyright@siewwai)











































(copyright@siewwai)







































(copyright@siewwai)


Come to my PLAYGROUND....

www.siewwai.zenfolio.com

stupid car! just venting

This morning I left home for gym. A stupid junk car was parked right in front of my garage. Fine, since I was walking to the gym, I thought the owner'd better move the car before I come home again.


So I came back from the gym. Still there. I thought, ok, he'd better move the car by 2:20pm. I need to go to work.


Then at 2:30pm, the car was still there. Knocked the neighbours doors, no one claimed the car theirs. Then 2:40pm..this is not funny, I started getting quite mad. I'm gonna be terribly late for work! plus I would miss the teaching session!


I suspected it belongs to the neighbour just directly opp of my house, I've seen this car before. Pressed the doorbell, no response. From gentle knock knock knock...to banging the door like a mad woman, I've tried it all.


I stood there for 40 mins altogether. Thank God, my neighbour came home, said that car didnt belong to him or his household.


What happened at the end...we broke into the car, pushed down the hand brake, pushed the car aside....and I left my fingerprints all over the car! If it was a stolen car (it looks like one) the police would ring Dr SWW who works in Elizabeth.


My colleague thought it was a veyr creative excuse for being late for work and he'd use it for the next two weeks...:)


I wanna move! Cant stand the car park issue no more!

leisure

What more can I ask for? A cosy quiet corner in my favourite cafe. Beautiful music and coffee. Fingers flying on the very-nice-to-touch keypad , and, uploading my photos.




This is my sw time. Having a weekday off is much more fun than the usual weekend off. The cafes are quiet while the streets are crowded with ppl dressed in business suits, with large black folders or briefcases in their hands, pace quickly from one place to another, esp at lunch hour.




As for me, no suits, nor a briefcase, nor heels. No hurry.
Just my jumper and jeans and sneakers, a huge overnight bag, laptop, book, journal and camera (of course, camera).




What a good morning in autumn. Good morning , Adelaide :)

(copyright@siewwai)

Salt - part 2

So I finished my nightshift at 8am.





Voices of different sources were squeaking at the back of my mind.





'Don't go to pick her! She's very dodgy...she might rob u on the way!'


' Well, why bother? she might not even remember the meeting.'


' Do you think she will like the churchy things? She'll never be touched.'



etc etc



But the whispering voice gently reassured me, 'Go, go to her place and bring her to My house.'





So, I went. That's not a very neat neighbourhood at all. Pulled over a few times, checked the map...finally saw a junk house, with lotsa junks outside the house. I went down , knock knock knock...and she came out.



I can't describe how excited I was when I saw her. She's better groomed this time. No stench. No dirt. Obviously she was prepared. She told me she's excited to come.



Nothing unusual happened in the car. Very peaceful.



So we arrived at the church...introduced her to the pastors and leaders...then the service started.

I was kinda nervous, just like when you bring a new friends to church, and they have never been to a church before, you would naturally be concerned if they are comfortable, if they understand what's preached, or if they are touched or not....so the whole time i was just praying to God to touch her...Funny enough, God replied me, 'Don't you be nervous siew wai, this is MY house and I AM God. '

Okie...Okie...God.

God's presence in that place was so heavy that I couldnt help but just kept crying while interceding for her. I saw that she was crying throughout the worship. Everything that was spoken and sung, was as though God was speaking directly to her (that's what I felt, because I know about her past thru her sharing)

At the end of everything, as I dropped her off in the city, I asked how she felt..

She told me it was very good, she would come again next Sunday, and might bring her girls with her..and she said she's seen the publicity of Paradise Church on the tele, felt like going but didn't know how to. Now that she's met me and finally come to a church, shé said it must be God who made it happen.

Then she sobbed, and said she really wanna be free from alcohol. I reassured her the power of Christ will deliver her out of the bondage. Then she sobbed even more uncontrollably.

How great is God's power and grace =)

All I pray and hope is that her life will be transformed. How much can a doctor do? Maybe just to heal the physical body. What is more tormenting is the spiritual sickness that cannot be cured by anything but the blood of Christ.

How good if the church be filled with broken and spiritually sick ppl, ppl who smell alcoholic , who can not afford nice and expensive clothing, who are helpless and powerless....who are sinners, just like me, but saved by Grace.

We shall see what will happen to her. I have her number.... =)

salt - part 1

I picked up the case note from the tray, saw what the triage nurse typed, 'Alcohol intoxication', I was like...oh another alcoholic, another psychiatric patient.




Then I went to her cubicle, and began to smell a strong stench of alcohol when I went closer to it.



Just like any other patients that I see day in and day out in the area where I work . She didnt smell good. No teeth. Unkempt. Messy. Her nail polish was falling off. I caught a glimpse of her belongings lying on the ground, just a very dirty Coles shopping bag and a very old jacket.





'Hi...I am Siew Wai one of the doctors here...how can I help you today...''

She told me about her medical problems...then I went on to ask about her drinking...then she began to sob uncontrollably...she told me about her abusive partner...about her broken life, about her giving up on herself because she did not know how to get out of her situation.

My heart ached.

Then you probably know what I would do.

Then the Gospel was preached, tears were flowing, message was understood, and the sinner's prayer was said. I do not know how much it meant to her. I just knew I was following the Spirit. Didn't I pray to be used to bind the broken hearted and set the captive free?


She continued to sob, and told me no one had ever spoken to her like this before. No one wanna listen to her. No one cared about her.


I grabbed her address, and said I would pick her up from her home on Sunday. I wanna bring her to my church. She nodded her head eagerly , 'yes yes, please, I needed that. '


So, tomorrow....right after my night shift, I will venture into this area that's unknown to me, and pick her up , bring her to God's house. I know it is risky, to an extreme extent, it might be life threatening, because this area where she lives in, is infamous to be one of the MOST dangerous areas in South Australia. The people of lowest socioeconomic status live there, the drug addicts live there, the robbers, the psychotic, the criminals... they live there. Recently a shocking homicidal crime was uncovered there.


And she lives with her abusive partner.


I am gonna go out of my car, go to her doorstep, and ring the bell (she doesnt have a landline or mobile phone).


It sounds a bit horrifying. But I will go. I don't wanna be a comfortable Christian. Christ has saved my life, what do I have to lose?


So, I was joking with my friends, if they didnt hear from me , or if they didnt see me at 9am in church tomorrow, please ring the police hehhehe...


What will happen tomorrow in church? I just pray that the Spirit will touch this broken soul...

overwhelming

I am in a half comatose state now :)


Very proud of myself, slept for 2 hrs yesterday, but still managed to get to chuch at 7 am (on duty)..served til 1pm..then went to work again...got back home at 1am.. It's quite amazing that i pulled through the long day with just 2 hrs of sleep, considering I am not already young biologically...


Too much going on. Too overwhelming. Very drained. I guess all my adrenaline must have been exhausted.


Today everyone got very emotional in the department.


We had a very shocking resuscitation. A young mom brought in her 5 year old boy. The 5 year old, severely wasted, weighs only 10 Kgs, at the verge of dying. Temperature of only 26C (normal body temperature should be 35-37C), blood sugar of only 1.6 ( anything below 3 we get a lil concerned) , pH of 7.0 ( again, should be 7.35-7.45)


5 year old boy who weighs 10 Kg. Literally skin and bones. You wouldnt believe you were in Australia if you saw that. You wouldn't even see that in Africa.


The mom , 21 weeks pregnant, came from interstate. She, being pregnant, together with her 5 young children, had been living in her small CAR on the street for 3 MONTHS.
The children were without food for ???days/weeks.
They have sores all over their body.


Can you believe this.


We managed to keep the child alive.
The police were there too. They are likely to charge her with child abuse.


My heart aches. A lot of staff got very emotional. Many cried.


This is not a simple issue about poverty and homelessness. For no one really is too poor in Australia, the government and NGOs looks after their ppl very well.


Why would this happen? The woman was obviously not in the right mind.


I dunno whatelse to say.
I wonder what kind of darkness has she been living in...
And what kind of ppl would the kids grow up to be, if they made it.


Quite an emotionally draining moment.

Li Wen's wedding photos..

Photo taken by sw,





Click www.siewwai.zenfolio.com for more photos.








For Li Wen....another friend got married last month :)








This was my 3rd wedding photography experience. Wedding photography has now become my passion. The best thing about this is that, because you hold a very big and professional camera, understandably you are allowed to stand very very close to the couple at all times :) No one would criticise you for pointing your lens sooooooo close to the bride's face.








~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~








Anyway,...lets talk about somehting more serious.








It's been 5 weeks since I started working in the Emergency Dept. I remember being upset about coming back to ED at this time of the year, thought I'd be doing surgical work instead. And because of this bizarre arrangement, I thought all my previous plans would be in vain.








But I've never allowed this to be a stumbling block in my life. I told God...it's ok, Your ways are higher than mine. Maybe I've tried too hard with my own strength to acheive something that You have already ordained to happen.








I remember crying to Him...and shouting at the enemy to leave me alone. With God on my side I would not be defeated, I refused to let the disappointment become a form of bitterness. I am not that kind of person who just sits around doing nothing but mourning about my circumstances.








So since 1st day in ED, I told God, ...maybe I should rephrase, God taught me to see my daily life and my work as a calling, not just a job. Everyday on my way to the hospital (man...it's a 45 mins drive!) I ask God to lemme be excellent, lemme do my work well, lemme do it with a sense of purpose and destiny, and all this will bring Him glory and please Him.








And God is faithful to answer our prayers. When your heart is set to please Him, He will use you and give peace and joy to you in whatever you do.








I love my job.








And when you truly love your job and do it with all your heart, ppl will see it because it is evident.








My consultants and registrars have given me very good compliments, they are now trying to retain me in the department, and convince me to choose emergency medicine as my vocational training.








My patients love me too. Emergency is a great place to meet different types of ppl, and one of the best places to tell the patients about Jesus.








I know that God will continue to shine in all my circumstances...and when His presence is here, there's no darkness.








That's why King David has been my all time favourite. I feel so much like him. He was anointed to be the King of Israel, but long before the fulfilment of this promise, he had to go thru the grinding and moulding and preparation, by tending his father's sheep day in day out. Then he killed the lion and the bear...then he served the purpose of other ppl year in year out.. yet he did everything faithfully. And God showed him great favour in everything that he did.








Isn't it awesome?


We eat , we drink, we rise and sit...and in everything that we do, if we do it unto the glory of God,and do it with a sense of purpose and destiny and eternity, life becomes so meaningful.








And God must increase, we must decrease.

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photo taken by sw... more photos on www.siewwai.zenfolio.com :)