Salt - part 2

So I finished my nightshift at 8am.





Voices of different sources were squeaking at the back of my mind.





'Don't go to pick her! She's very dodgy...she might rob u on the way!'


' Well, why bother? she might not even remember the meeting.'


' Do you think she will like the churchy things? She'll never be touched.'



etc etc



But the whispering voice gently reassured me, 'Go, go to her place and bring her to My house.'





So, I went. That's not a very neat neighbourhood at all. Pulled over a few times, checked the map...finally saw a junk house, with lotsa junks outside the house. I went down , knock knock knock...and she came out.



I can't describe how excited I was when I saw her. She's better groomed this time. No stench. No dirt. Obviously she was prepared. She told me she's excited to come.



Nothing unusual happened in the car. Very peaceful.



So we arrived at the church...introduced her to the pastors and leaders...then the service started.

I was kinda nervous, just like when you bring a new friends to church, and they have never been to a church before, you would naturally be concerned if they are comfortable, if they understand what's preached, or if they are touched or not....so the whole time i was just praying to God to touch her...Funny enough, God replied me, 'Don't you be nervous siew wai, this is MY house and I AM God. '

Okie...Okie...God.

God's presence in that place was so heavy that I couldnt help but just kept crying while interceding for her. I saw that she was crying throughout the worship. Everything that was spoken and sung, was as though God was speaking directly to her (that's what I felt, because I know about her past thru her sharing)

At the end of everything, as I dropped her off in the city, I asked how she felt..

She told me it was very good, she would come again next Sunday, and might bring her girls with her..and she said she's seen the publicity of Paradise Church on the tele, felt like going but didn't know how to. Now that she's met me and finally come to a church, shé said it must be God who made it happen.

Then she sobbed, and said she really wanna be free from alcohol. I reassured her the power of Christ will deliver her out of the bondage. Then she sobbed even more uncontrollably.

How great is God's power and grace =)

All I pray and hope is that her life will be transformed. How much can a doctor do? Maybe just to heal the physical body. What is more tormenting is the spiritual sickness that cannot be cured by anything but the blood of Christ.

How good if the church be filled with broken and spiritually sick ppl, ppl who smell alcoholic , who can not afford nice and expensive clothing, who are helpless and powerless....who are sinners, just like me, but saved by Grace.

We shall see what will happen to her. I have her number.... =)

salt - part 1

I picked up the case note from the tray, saw what the triage nurse typed, 'Alcohol intoxication', I was like...oh another alcoholic, another psychiatric patient.




Then I went to her cubicle, and began to smell a strong stench of alcohol when I went closer to it.



Just like any other patients that I see day in and day out in the area where I work . She didnt smell good. No teeth. Unkempt. Messy. Her nail polish was falling off. I caught a glimpse of her belongings lying on the ground, just a very dirty Coles shopping bag and a very old jacket.





'Hi...I am Siew Wai one of the doctors here...how can I help you today...''

She told me about her medical problems...then I went on to ask about her drinking...then she began to sob uncontrollably...she told me about her abusive partner...about her broken life, about her giving up on herself because she did not know how to get out of her situation.

My heart ached.

Then you probably know what I would do.

Then the Gospel was preached, tears were flowing, message was understood, and the sinner's prayer was said. I do not know how much it meant to her. I just knew I was following the Spirit. Didn't I pray to be used to bind the broken hearted and set the captive free?


She continued to sob, and told me no one had ever spoken to her like this before. No one wanna listen to her. No one cared about her.


I grabbed her address, and said I would pick her up from her home on Sunday. I wanna bring her to my church. She nodded her head eagerly , 'yes yes, please, I needed that. '


So, tomorrow....right after my night shift, I will venture into this area that's unknown to me, and pick her up , bring her to God's house. I know it is risky, to an extreme extent, it might be life threatening, because this area where she lives in, is infamous to be one of the MOST dangerous areas in South Australia. The people of lowest socioeconomic status live there, the drug addicts live there, the robbers, the psychotic, the criminals... they live there. Recently a shocking homicidal crime was uncovered there.


And she lives with her abusive partner.


I am gonna go out of my car, go to her doorstep, and ring the bell (she doesnt have a landline or mobile phone).


It sounds a bit horrifying. But I will go. I don't wanna be a comfortable Christian. Christ has saved my life, what do I have to lose?


So, I was joking with my friends, if they didnt hear from me , or if they didnt see me at 9am in church tomorrow, please ring the police hehhehe...


What will happen tomorrow in church? I just pray that the Spirit will touch this broken soul...

overwhelming

I am in a half comatose state now :)


Very proud of myself, slept for 2 hrs yesterday, but still managed to get to chuch at 7 am (on duty)..served til 1pm..then went to work again...got back home at 1am.. It's quite amazing that i pulled through the long day with just 2 hrs of sleep, considering I am not already young biologically...


Too much going on. Too overwhelming. Very drained. I guess all my adrenaline must have been exhausted.


Today everyone got very emotional in the department.


We had a very shocking resuscitation. A young mom brought in her 5 year old boy. The 5 year old, severely wasted, weighs only 10 Kgs, at the verge of dying. Temperature of only 26C (normal body temperature should be 35-37C), blood sugar of only 1.6 ( anything below 3 we get a lil concerned) , pH of 7.0 ( again, should be 7.35-7.45)


5 year old boy who weighs 10 Kg. Literally skin and bones. You wouldnt believe you were in Australia if you saw that. You wouldn't even see that in Africa.


The mom , 21 weeks pregnant, came from interstate. She, being pregnant, together with her 5 young children, had been living in her small CAR on the street for 3 MONTHS.
The children were without food for ???days/weeks.
They have sores all over their body.


Can you believe this.


We managed to keep the child alive.
The police were there too. They are likely to charge her with child abuse.


My heart aches. A lot of staff got very emotional. Many cried.


This is not a simple issue about poverty and homelessness. For no one really is too poor in Australia, the government and NGOs looks after their ppl very well.


Why would this happen? The woman was obviously not in the right mind.


I dunno whatelse to say.
I wonder what kind of darkness has she been living in...
And what kind of ppl would the kids grow up to be, if they made it.


Quite an emotionally draining moment.

Li Wen's wedding photos..

Photo taken by sw,





Click www.siewwai.zenfolio.com for more photos.








For Li Wen....another friend got married last month :)








This was my 3rd wedding photography experience. Wedding photography has now become my passion. The best thing about this is that, because you hold a very big and professional camera, understandably you are allowed to stand very very close to the couple at all times :) No one would criticise you for pointing your lens sooooooo close to the bride's face.








~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~








Anyway,...lets talk about somehting more serious.








It's been 5 weeks since I started working in the Emergency Dept. I remember being upset about coming back to ED at this time of the year, thought I'd be doing surgical work instead. And because of this bizarre arrangement, I thought all my previous plans would be in vain.








But I've never allowed this to be a stumbling block in my life. I told God...it's ok, Your ways are higher than mine. Maybe I've tried too hard with my own strength to acheive something that You have already ordained to happen.








I remember crying to Him...and shouting at the enemy to leave me alone. With God on my side I would not be defeated, I refused to let the disappointment become a form of bitterness. I am not that kind of person who just sits around doing nothing but mourning about my circumstances.








So since 1st day in ED, I told God, ...maybe I should rephrase, God taught me to see my daily life and my work as a calling, not just a job. Everyday on my way to the hospital (man...it's a 45 mins drive!) I ask God to lemme be excellent, lemme do my work well, lemme do it with a sense of purpose and destiny, and all this will bring Him glory and please Him.








And God is faithful to answer our prayers. When your heart is set to please Him, He will use you and give peace and joy to you in whatever you do.








I love my job.








And when you truly love your job and do it with all your heart, ppl will see it because it is evident.








My consultants and registrars have given me very good compliments, they are now trying to retain me in the department, and convince me to choose emergency medicine as my vocational training.








My patients love me too. Emergency is a great place to meet different types of ppl, and one of the best places to tell the patients about Jesus.








I know that God will continue to shine in all my circumstances...and when His presence is here, there's no darkness.








That's why King David has been my all time favourite. I feel so much like him. He was anointed to be the King of Israel, but long before the fulfilment of this promise, he had to go thru the grinding and moulding and preparation, by tending his father's sheep day in day out. Then he killed the lion and the bear...then he served the purpose of other ppl year in year out.. yet he did everything faithfully. And God showed him great favour in everything that he did.








Isn't it awesome?


We eat , we drink, we rise and sit...and in everything that we do, if we do it unto the glory of God,and do it with a sense of purpose and destiny and eternity, life becomes so meaningful.








And God must increase, we must decrease.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

photo taken by sw... more photos on www.siewwai.zenfolio.com :)

railway

( by sw, adelaide, 11/6/08...for more photos click www.siewwai.zenfolio.com)

I have always had an undescribable fondness for rail. The tracks, the trains, the system in general. And somehow it started when I was really little..






I remember taking the train for the first time at 9. And it was since then that I was fascinated by the trains.






I love it when the train cuts across the fields and the valleys. I like sitting by the window (unlike buses or planes,trains usually have huge windows) , reading or gazing out of the window.





I like wandering purposelessly from one unit to another, from the head to the tail. I like standing on the narrow place(i dunno what it is called) between 2 coaches, imagining 'what if i fell off the train'...







I love the tracks. Where do those long tracks lead me to? Each train runs on its own track, and then changes its path and runs on another track.







I love to hear the stories behind those tracks. Who built them once upon a time? Slaves and labours. Many tracks were built upon the lives of countless unnamed heroes.






Lemme get on the train again , lemme go somewhere for a few months :) Maybe to the outback



























(by sw, www.siewwai.zenfolio.com)

(by sw, 1/4/08)

(sw, 1/4/08)







I've decided to look after myself :) Hmm... many ppl have expressed their concern about my lifestyle. Too busy, too many activities, too many crazy night shifts, too much exercise, too little sleep, too much coffee,and ermm, improper diet


too much of eating out, sometimes cereals for dinner if too busy :(...



So, I've resolved to sleep better and eat better...more home cooked meals nowadays. And guess what, I've begun to learn to use the oven! :) to my amazement I found out I can basically cook everything in an oven. I made my first pizza 3 nights ago, tasted not bad, and so I've been baking my own pizzas for 3 consecutive days.



Coffee is still unavoidable... Maybe will do something about it in older age.

randomness

(copyright@ sw)

















Autumn. Though not a big fan of trees.....






















(copyright @ sw)

....and leaves.....

(copyright @ sw)

I miss the summer, soccer games on the fields....

(copyright @ sw)

And dogs played happily.....

:) but I love the winter too where I can still snooze in the day after my nightshifts....just like now...zzzz

God has been dealing with the deep things in my heart (hmmm, as He always does). The issues that have been bugging me for a long long time. The bottom line is, The more I walk with Him, the more I recognise my inadequacy and unworthiness. A simple fact. I've learnt this well.








I needed this, because just a few years ago, I would still think I've had it altogether. I thought,


' Everything is good. Yes I am a sinner but not a terribly bad one. I've repented, I've moved on, I've everything under control. I m good. '








Not true. The more mature a person grow in Christ , the lower he will bow at the throne of Christ, for he is humbled by his unworthiness, and of course, by the mercy of God.








Has God been dealing with you and your issues? If He hasn't now, He will surely do in His time.








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By the way, how about this photo? :)


A special gift for her, my friend.




I am loving wedding photography.

Of course, more photos are on www.siewwai.zenfolio.com :) enjoy!

3 days of silence

I've decided I shall not post for 3 days, a solemn ceremony for the victims of disasters.


Burma has seen the loss of more than 78,000 lives by far, another 50,000 missing.
Yet the junta is refusing international aid.


The chinese death toll has exceeded 51000...and 5m displaced.


What can I do here? I shan't complain that I am sick and tired, my 'suffering' is nothing at all, compared to the loss of lives , and those could well be lives lost ETERNALLY.


Human human, don't we feel helpless at the fragility and unpredictability of our lives? Don't we realise that right now we are surfing the internet, and tmrw we could be dead...


That's a very humbling thought to me. How many of us, or rather for myself, how many days in my life that I've lived like there's no tomorrow? At this point of my life, I would have no problem if I were to be taken away tmrw, but I would not be able to give a good account to God , standing in front of His throne, for I have not done enough to be the light and salt of the world.


My parents and brother, and so many more friends and relatives, and many many many MANY more ppl that I rub shoulder with daily....they have not heard about Jesus. What if there were a grade 9 quake in Malaysia or Australia tmrw????.....


I am very overwhelmed.

21-5-08

The shadow on the balcony wall...outside my room

Just some random shots.....
That was a very beautiful morning.
I remember I was craving for photography....

---------

I am sick and drowsy now, and have lost the sense of time and date. 8 night shifts in a fortnight on ED is not common. But I did it :)


I slept thru the day , went to work at night, didnt see no body , deprived of social interaction and fellowship.


After putting my body to extreme torment I finally fell sick today. Must be from the old man who coughed right in my face in ED.


-------------


Thank you for all who have encouraged me. I can't go on without having fellowship with you. No man is an island.

Charcoal portrait

This is a gift for jasmine. Her birthday.

U believe I drew this?

Yes I DREW this. Told you I love arts...and did I tell u as a kid I wanted to be an artist. It's ok.Now I love being a doctor who can draw and take photos :)

My sister accepted Christ!

I led my sister to Christ yesterday! Awesome! And not just her, her flatmate has also accepted Christ a few days ago!


God is faithful. I still can't believe it has happened, even though day and night I prayed for her for about 5 years now! And there have been countless occasions where I tried telling her about Jesus, only to find that she was not interested/moved at all....yet I've never stopped believing that one day God would touch her, and the rest of my family.


The conviction became even stronger when God told me in one occasion, that He loves my family so much that He's chosen me, and thru me He will bring blessings to them. Salvation is for me, but it is never for me alone.


And I've never felt ashamed/insignificant to be a first generation Christian (i.e. the first person in the family who becomes a Christian) . Infact I feel it is a great honour to be the first one, and I feel I am a soldier fighting at the battle front, standing in the gap between the living and the dead, taking ground for God.


No one in my family tree has ever believed in God. Not my immediate family, not even one from my mom or dad's side. NONE. Hence I've always had a dream, that through me, ALL my immediate family members, and the relatives of both mom and dad's side will come to know God.


In my mental picture, I see I am running as a frontliner, and along the way I pull my sister, my brother, and my parents...and more and more friends and relatives join us when they see us...


Therefore all my brothers and sisters, never stop believing that God will use you or through your prayers to touch your family who are away from Him.


Amen Amen and Amen! :)

14/5/08

Finally 4 night shifts in a row were over:) I've made the record, no one in ED did 4 nights in a row. The workload in ED has constantly been heavy, I hardly had a chance to even have my break throughout the 9 hours. I've lost sense of day n night :)


Again thank you very much for the love and concern :)


I am constantly being uplifted and encouraged by the Lord and His ppl.


And I am a happy person. My approach to life (life given by God) is, rejoice in God and in the blessings/tests that He gives. I don't wanna simply get by eveeryday. I wanna live life to the fullest, live with the sense of destiny and purpose. Maybe I am very driven. But I think, God brought us to the world for a purpose, and that purpose is not just something that we will see IN FUTURE. I used to think, ' one day I will be in the promise land', 'one day I will do this and that'... hence a lot of ppl get by daily life hoping one day they willl finally see the purpose of God and the promises come true.


And I used to think like that too. And I am not sure since when there came a conviction upon me, that I only have my 'today' once. When it is gone it is gone. The thought scared me quite a bit.


So I prayed to God, let me impact someone today. Let me drop a smile to someone today and lift them up. Let me live my life with zeal. Let me do everything for Your glory. Let me not get by but live with purpose.


Then the perspective will change, and even if I am in a place where I don't wanna
be, I will still get the most out of it and be joyful.


U agree?

hey you guys

Hey!....I am very touched by the love of so many ppl...esp after you all read my previous post...BUT....did it sound that bad? ermmmm did i sound depressed? sighhhhhhh if i did then i have defeated the purpose of that post..it was meant to be a easy reading post filled with the sense of power and victory. Hehe maybe I overdid it...


But really thanks for all the concern that I have received...:)


And actually I am and was not that sad. I mean of course I was sad and disappointed on the day but very very quickly after that I was uplifted by God. Infact the next day I was in a very euphoric mood.


Anyway I dunno which part of me does actually make sense now...As I just finished my night shift, have not slept for 28 hrs already...I could get away with no sleep at all when i was younger..but not anymore:)


i need to zz now.,....

Tough...

In retrospect, I had a very tough week.

Or should I say I've had a very tough 24 hours. One of the most upsetting moments in recent years.

It's a long story anyway. Just to cut it short, the medical admistration of the hospital mistreated me by making drastic and unfair change to my roster, without asking me for my agreement, without informing me, and when confronted, denied their mistakes.

Wednesday was the day when all RMOs started our 2nd term in different departments, according to the roster. Instead of the surgical department which I was initially rostered to go to, they put me to Emergency. And this was done in a very inappropriate, irresponsible and crass manner.

Of course I was extremely furious. Everyone knows I have a very high tolerance for mistreatment. I hardly get upset by anything at all. This time I lost it.

It's like you really really really love traveling, you so wanna go to Paris.You work hard for it, everyday you look fwd to it, you've done all the preparation, you tell the whole world u are going to Paris , and just the day before you take off, things happen like, the flight gets canceled.

And it's not your fault.

I was utterly disappointed and discouraged. Not just because I really wanna do surgical stuff, but also because I've made my plans in life and career according to the initial roster, and important decisions for next year were to be made based on my experience on the surgical term. Now everything seems to be 100 times more difficult.

And looks like it's gonna take forever for me to finally be selected into the surgical training program.

That was the worst moment in the recent years. I asked God, wasn't that YOUR calling for me to be a surgeon? Wasn't that Your promise that You'll guide me through?

I could not see any open door, I could not see any hope in it.

I was walking aimlessly on the street in the rain, I did not even care if I was drenched or not. I just wept.

But that's not the end of the story.

I told God, I'd still worship You and trust in You even though it is very hard to trust when you don't see anything. Then I began to sing praises to Him and declare His bigness and goodness.

Though for a while I was discouraged, yet I would not give up.

I asked God to let me see His Kingdome, and faithfully He did so. I recalled the stories of Joseph, Moses and David. None of God's people reach the promise land without first being tested again and again.

Who am I to make plans according to my own understanding? Who am I to box God and expect Him to do this and that according to my time? He's opened my eye and I began to see. Then I laughed at myself. Why am I furious? Why am I worried? Why am I frustrated when things don't go the way I thought it should? Is not God big enough to make the impossible possible?

His plan is higher than mine. Everything is made more difficult now. Like in the book of Daniel, the fire was turned up 7 times hotter. And after this, all the more I would not give up. The devil tried to challenge me , but does he know that challenges only make me stronger in God...

I guess God wants me to know, if I ever get into my surgical training, then it has got nothing to do with my ability at all. It has to be all by His grace and all glory goes to Him.

I am blown away and humbled by His plan. Now I've gladly accepted the delay. It does not matter anymore. Really. God is great isnt He.


<

Just a thought...How do you think God sees you?

glory

visit www.siewwai.zenfolio.com for more photos

Photo taken by the Torrens again. www.siewwai.zenfolio.com

I wonder what's on her mind.

If she was a school kid, she would probably think 'Mom is running late again to pick me up'

If she was an environmentalist she would probably think ' The Torrens is badly polluted .'

If she was a gym junkie, 'Ain't it cold for outdoor cycling?Better in the gym.'

If she was an Aussie, ' Are the pubs open yet?'

If she was a Chinese (just like I am), ' This bird will certainly taste yummy in BBQ'

www.siewwai.zenfolio.com for more photos

This was not even a black and white shot. I took it as it was. The clouds could not veil the glory. To be continued on this .....I am exhausted today.

10/4/08

(photo taken on 10/4/08, Glenelg ... more photos on www.siewwai.zenfolio.com )


I miss my sister terribly. That's the spot where we sat when she visited me 1 month ago :)

(photo taken by sw , www.siewwai.zenfolio.com

My revelation of the day:

Though the waves are angry and tall, yet I shall not be moved. I will not be intimidated nor will I be afraid, because no matter how strong and how tall the waves might seem, when they come against the pillar, they are crashed and broken into drops of harmless water. Then why shall I be afraid of the waves of life? God is my pillar.

Gorgeous

(Photos taken by sw , more photos are available on www.siewwai.zenfolio.com)

Children are gorgeous, they are God-given blessings to the world. Enjoy the photos, enjoy the moments that were captured with a camera.




As for me, I have been busy. Although busy yet I never forget to bring my camera with me wherever I go, and I have already taken about >800 photos in the last 2-3 weeks without having the time to organise them and upload them. These are just some of them....



I might have to slow down, as I've developed right wrist pain and finger numbess (repetitive strain injury) from shooting with the very heavy camera+lens.

a man with hepatic encephalopathy

This is a medical jargon. Hepatic means liver related. Encephalopathy means brain pathology.
So hepatic encephalopathy literally means brain damage secondary to liver problems. It is an end stage presentation of liver disease, because the toxins in the body cannot be removed by the liver and therefore causing injury to the brain cells...


Last year when I was an intern I met a patient with this disorder. He came in and out of hospital for the complications of his end stage liver disease. He liked me a lot, he was especially nice and sweet to me' and always allowed me to perform all types of medical procedures on him.


He said I was very hilarous, I always made him laugh. He called me the Mighty Mouse.


Then I left that department at the end of my internship. But I knew he'd been in and out of hospital again. Every now and then when I visited my colleagues there, they would tell me that he asked about me everytime he came in. He usually described me as 'the little chinese female doctor who tapped my ascites ( it is an invasive procedure whereby a long needle is poked into his tummy to drain out the excessive fluid)...' and he was very proud that he let me jab him.


Why am I telling the story of this man?


Because this is a story about missed opportinities.


Since I left the ward, I have never gone to see him even thou I knew he was back in, in spite of the strong urge of doing so.


Today to my shock, I heard he had deteriorated very quickly this time,in coma, he might die anytime.


I ran up to the ward. I could barely recognise him. He was so thin, the whole body has turned yellow. He opened his eye at my calling , but no longer responded to the Mighty Mouse who once made him laughed.


I heard a voice in my saying, ' Tell him about Jesus now. Now!'
Then my own voice said ' No not now. The room is packed with relatives.'
' But it is about eternity!'
'But I can't do it! Too many ppl here!....oh God help me please!Let someone else do it! '


I have already given up. At the moment of weakness and cowardice, someone knocked on the door. It was the Chaplain.


Oh my God..! I heard myself exclaiming ' YOU ARE HERE!!!!!' ...as though I saw a long lost friend.


She was puzzled at my response for we have never met before. It is ok. She might not know, but at that very crucial moment I knew God was standing right at the door.


I left the room quietly , with a very burdened heart and a lot of flashbacks of him joking with me and calling me the Mighty Mouse. My patient was dying but I couldn't do it , my flesh was weak :(


But nothing would stop God's plan, not even my limitations.