anniversary:)

I was baptised on 30th Aug, 2003.

I was telling everyone whom I met today that it was my 3rd year anniversary with my God :)

This is my journal dated 29th Aug 2003, the day before my baptism:

'' It's my baptism tomorrow, I m very thrilled yet peaceful in my heart. It is indescribable. I love you Father, and I wanna let the whole world know I love You. Tomorrow my family will come to the baptism. I will give my testimony in the church, I want to let mom know how much You have changed me, mom will know my decision is right, and know that You love her.
You have saved me, because of You I have the real joy in my heart. Wow, tomorrow I will be Your bride my Lord!! I can't wait till tomorrow. I love You, tonight I will surely smile in my dream.''

I still remember the whole ceremony. I was in the pool, the church members sang praises to God, my family except for dad was present. The pastor asked me something which I can't remember now. Then I was immersed into the water and quickly brought up again out of the water.

The whole thing was very brief, yet it felt as if I had truly gone thru the death and resurrection.

(Now I m just wondering how glorious it must have been, at Jesus' baptism, the heaven was opened and the Spirit descended like a dove and lighting on Him, and God said ' This is my Son,whom I love, with Him I Am well pleased.')

And after that time zoomed...3 years have passed. Many more years will come, I pray that I will continue to feel excited about my baptism even 50 years later.

the birth of a dream

I cant contain it , I must write this! All my cells are praising God, for His perfect timing,His provision and His sovereignty...

Today I celebrate the birth of a dream. I call it the M&M project. What is it? It means Missionaries Maker project.

I remember 2 years ago God called me to be a full time missionary; 1 yr ago He started giving me the burden for Chinese students in Australia, I began to wanna start a Chinese OCF to cater to the Chinese students; I also wanted to form a mission trip for OCF.However the projects were delayed because we have been too stretched with man power, I was just busy building up OCF.

I never saw how these 3 things could link. Today God has let me see it!

See, when I step down from presidency, I will start the M&M project. We give ourselves 1 year of preparation spiritually, physically and mentally. Our destination is a short mission trip to China. With the help from OMF, we will get the training on reading Scripture in Mandarin, communication in Madarin, and studying Chinese culture. In that one year of serious training, we must pray and fast consistently,and memorise at least a gospel book in Mandarin.

While we get our training, we also form the Chinese OCF group , that will be the ground of practice for all of us.

Ultimately we will achieve 4 things:
1) reach out to Chinese students here; (mission at our doorstep)
2) put our training in practice while reaching out to the Chinese students here
3) hopefully the converted Chinese students will be impacted by our training and join us in this mission trip, this will open their eyes to see the need to go home to spread the Gospel to their own ppl.
4) some may pull out,but ultimately those who endure the 1yr training will truly know their calling as missionaries.

God is awesome, He never makes mistakes. Before He close a door, He will first open another one.

I remember asking Him ' how to be a missionary?' , ' What do I do after being the chair person of OCF? ' , at one point of time I was just worried I will be made redundant, coming from an ultra active leadership role to not so active role, my human nature will surely let me down.

But God will never run out of plans for those who earnestly wanna serve Him.

Ivy Voon is so excited and she will fight alongside (she forced me to mention her name hehe:))

Whoever wanna join the training, please pray for conviction. If you are called, God will bring us together with one vision. I am very excited now, but I still need to pray for God to protect this dream, because a temporal passion will die when it is tested, but a conviction stands.

night shift

I just came back from a 10 hr shift over saturday night, it was a freezing night spent on the ambulance and with the paramedics.

We received one of the cases from a nursing home. An old chinese lady had a stroke weeks ago that caused brain damage and muscle paralysis to her. She fell from bed , that's why the care taker called the ambulance.

Somehow I felt very compassionate toward her. She is very very old and tiny, her whole body was wasting away, and she doesnt understand english at all.

When we were waiting for the hospital staff to arrange a bed for her on arrival, I couldnt describe the feeling I felt toward her. She had a stroke and was paralysed, she could not talk nor understand English, and she was dumped in the nursing home. My heart ached.

I only had 10 mins before the ambulance left. I quickly touched her shoulder, gently rubbed her hair, grabbed her hand and looked into her eyes, I smiled, and asked her in Mandarin,

'Do you know Yesu (Jesus)?'

She understood me and opened her eyes. I told her not to worry, God loves her, she is precious in God's eyes, she has a purpose in life which is to know God. I asked her if she wanted to accept Jesus as her Lord and Saviour.

She opened her mouth but all she could produce was just 'Ahh...arrhhh...' because her stroke has damaged her speech area in the brain.

Time was running out and I could not understand her 'ahhh...ahhh', I asked God and myself anxiously, does she wanna believe??????? does she understand me?

In that few minutes, I taught her if she wanna accept Jesus, just confess in her heart and God will know. I repeated the prayer 4 times just in case she didnt get it.

Then I asked her, if you wanna believe in Jesus, gimme a smile. although it was subtle due to paralysis to the face, BUT SHE SMILED! I almost cried.

I do not know whether she really believed or not, I dont know if she was already a believer in the first place, but today I felt God's love overflowing through me. I know God looks from heaven, when He sees this very very old woman, He sees a lil baby girl that should belong to Him.

All lives are precious, all souls need salvation.

3 senarios

tell me what you should do/feel in these 3 senarios, esp when they all happen in 3 days:

1) 1st day: u are invited to a not-so-close friend's farewell party, to be polite u go. but bcuz u r not close,u dunno he has moved. When u reach his house, u find that the house is very quiet, u think 'hmm maybe they are praying for him.'
Then u open the front gate which is not locked, u go into the house.

All of a sudden an aussie man,woman and child come out from the backdoor of the house. Both parties are startled! And the aussie man raises his voice in a hostile tone ,saying ,' Excuse me, this is OUR house, what are u doing ?!!'

U are 'caught' and thought to be a burglar!!

Then instantaneously u raise up ur arms as a sign of surrender, u say 'sorry, i am not trying to break in, i just thought my friend is living here.'

They say ,' They have left last year.' ...without hesitation u hurry urself out of that place, and u feel at ur back they are staring at u in disgust and unbelief.
________________________________________________________________

2) 2nd day: u park ur car nicely in a parking box in front of a supermarket. When u walk out of the supermarket to ur car, an old aussie man stands close to ur car. His car is next to yours. When he sees u he shouts loudly,almost puts u in absolute embarrassment in public ,

' DO YOU PARK LIKE THAT IN CHINA?!!!!!!!!!!!??'

Then u check ur car, u park correctly in the correct place, not obstructing any traffic. U don't even know what's wrong. He goes on scolding and yelling and shouting at you, as if u have done something wrong. He says the police will come to fine u etc etc etc.
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3) 3rd day: you are working in the hospital as usual. An old aussie woman is sent to emergency department. You genuinely smile and want to offer your professional help to her. Instead of coorperation she gives u a sour face because u are a student doctor. Then she starts questioning everything that u do in your physical examination on her. She thinks you know nothing and says nasty thing about you and your medical knowledge.

Then she says ,' Oh God (she uses God's name in vain), can you plz send someone who is ENGLISH SPEAKING to me? I don't understand your English at all. Plz speak proper English!'

She yells so loud that the doctor nextdoor hears it. And to be professional you have to smile, and continue to do what u have to do as a doctor.
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Yes, these 3 odd incidents happened to me in the past 3 days. In between there were also some small, unpleasant things. After each time my heart almost jumped out, I almost wanna cry out in tears. Again I asked myself , 'Why am I still in Australia??????????????'

BUT should I complain? NO. This is nothing compared to what I will face in future in mission field. Shall I give up? Will this affect my joy in God ? BY NO MEANS! In fact, I grew stronger and tougher after each unpleasant accusation. Yeah, my skin becomes 3 mm thicker now. Hehe :))))) very good. You won't enjoy your Christian faith in this world if you don't have a very thick skin.

I know who did all this. Not the Aussies. If I blamed the Aussies, then I am no different from the racists.

The devil, our enemy in common, the accuser is the culprit. he thinks he can distract me and stop my joy? On the contrary, what he gave to me defeated his own evil purpose.

God is able to turn a mistake to be something beautiful.

Genesis 50:20 -> ' You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.'

Amen :)

emergency department

Reading my last post really freaked me out a lil bit. If I were not a believer I would probably say Siew Wai was insane because of her zeal. But I was very touched by the Spirit of God that night and very overwhelmed.

Anyway, these days have been busy. I m currently working at the emergency department. It has been exciting. Last week I did my first CPR on a real human, it was very tiring because you need to compress the chest really hard and fast, within 2 minutes I felt as if I was the one who needed resuscitation. So I was very overwhelmed when the senior doctor kept yelling 'Don't stop CPR! Don't stop!' , so I kept doing without knowing what on earth was happening. Everyone was pacing around to rescue the patient with intubation, injection etc.

Suddenly everyone stopped.....A while later only I realised the patient died! I was very shocked and stunned, I mean, how can the patient die while I was doing the chest compression? I know of course it was not my fault, because the patient came in half dying, we had very limited chance to bring him back. But still, it was shocking for me to see a patient died while I was doing CPR.

But this emergency rotation has generally been very fun. I see patients by myself, I form my own management plan, I give them medicines, I tell them to go home etc...

I don't have to care about what I wear because we wear the emergency uniform, and sneakers or running shoes are allowed.

The best thing was, last week I admitted myself as patient because I had injury to my back.I was working there, when it came to my turn to be seen, I just hopped on to the examination bed to let my fellow doctor checked me. I prescribed my own medicines and wrote on my own casenotes :) cool isnt it?

go all out

I wanna go all out to do mission. I wanna work day and night in a nation or place where people are in both extreme material and spiritual poverty ,and sleep on the floor, and walk and work under hot sun with people. I wanna spread Gospel to the people, I wanna plant and build church for Jesus, I wanna train young people to be missionaries and pastors, I wanna speak God's Word that pierces hearts and divides souls.

I wanna just work and work and work for Christ. I think I am a workaholic. I feel very uncomfortable to just sit in a gathering and just talk rubbish.Yeah, it is about building relationship, but I hate wasting time. I don't wanna be comfortable in a rich environment. Just put me in front line , in war zone, in refugee camp, please, I will be very frustrated if I can't use the talents that He has given me for His kingdom.

Everyone needs Jesus, but our generation is too blessed and saturated with materials. We are very fat in our hearts, that's why God is NOT the priority of many Christians. Many people put career, studies, money, relationship, hobbies above God. I ask God, why do You put me here? Send me out! There are people out there who are so hungry in their souls that they will take in whatever the Bible says.

But I know, God has His plan and time. Maybe He has more to do to prepare me. But I know, I am very strongly convicted that, one day I will be sent out. Day and night I pray that He will use me.

Let me die the death of a martyr, if it is His will. I saw a picture of someone dying with both arms holding on tightly to a wooden cross, that picture struck me and is still vividly clear in my mind till today. And I said that day, Yes Lord, I will.

some thoughts about wisdom n foolishness

1Corinthians, chapter 1 says:

18 For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.
19 For it is written: "I will destroy the wisdom of the wise; the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate."
20Where is the wise man? Where is the scholar? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world?
21 For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe.
22 Jews demand miraculous signs and Greeks look for wisdom,
23 but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles,
24 but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God.
25 For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength.

------
I stumbled upon one of my friend's friend's blog. I do not know that person, but interestingly I spent an hour reading all the entries of his blog.

It is very mind blowing and puzzling to see how someone blesphemes against God. I have concluded in my own foolish opinion why some ppl will do this. I myself was one of them who acted in such a manner.

1) everyone has experienced the goodness of God, just that some do not know or refuse to admit all good things come from God.
2) they have limited amount of knowledge about God thus they choose to view God with a tunnel view.
3) they trust in human wisdom and strength.
4) they are disgusted by the notion of ' Jesus is the ONLY way to God'. many think that all paths lead to the same God, others think there are more than one god.

etc etc etc

I can list many many more. But I will conclude that there is only one thing that leads to this unbelief. It is PRIDE, and i believe pride is the root of all sin. I don't intend to waste my time in any debate.

Just feel very burdened to say, in my opinion, UNBELIEF is not just that you don't believe in certain things about God even though you agree there is a god. Unbelief is you DON'T believe in God at all. In the bible, things are only 'black or white', 'wrong or right', 'yes or no'. There is no such thing as 'grey/maybe/a little bit/errmm....should be.'

God gives clear instruction in everything. You either believe in Him or you don't. You either enter into heaven or you don't. You either follow Jesus or you don't . You either please Him or you don't.

God cannot be mocked. and He says small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it. I don't like to use this word 'Christianity' because it sounds like a religion, a set of rules, a world wide association.It sounds limited.

To be a believer means entering into a relationship with God who loves us. It is never complicated at all, it just needs simple faith, as simple as how you will fly on a plane even though u have not seen the pilot's face, because u have a simple faith that the pilot can fly the plane. You, no matter how intelligent, will not question.

I, as a FOOLISH person, have chosen to believe in a simple thing without questioning. Just like it is said in 1 Cor 1:18-25.

I am so foolish and simple,I don't know difficult things, one thing I know is that, when the heaven and earth pass away, Jesus will come to judge the world. My medical degree does not change the eternity. My scientific knowledge does not give me more strength to lift my head before Jesus. Only my relationship with Him counts. And that relationship leads me through the small gate and narrow road to life.

Conclusion, as according to what the world thinks, I am a foolish woman. But I am happily foolish.

unworthy, but I see God

Today I got my job offer, it means although I am still in my final sem, I am guaranteed with a job, I will start working right after my graduation.

As I was driving home, I couldn't control my tears. I couldnt control the mixed feeling of unworthiness and praise in my heart. So I shouted while I blasted the music. I couldn't stop crying so I had to stop my car.

In tears I asked God, ' Why me???? Why did You bless me? I am not worthy! I don't deserve it!'

God answered me, ' I love you with an everlasting love, it surpasses all knowledge, and no one can fathom.'

I couldnt stop sobbing when I heard this. Who am I?
I cried in the car for 1 hour.

God has let me see His faithfulness. I remember begging Him not to let my heart turn cold in my life, not to let my eyes turn blind. My greatest fear was what if I became blind spiritually and stopped seeing His faithfulness?
Today He opened my eyes again and let me see the out pouring of blessings from heaven.

I am a sinner! When He casts His net of grace upon me, I am fully captured, i can't run away. My sin and brokenness is fully exposed before His throne when He gives grace. Today I truly understand why in Luke 5, after Peter saw the huge blessing, he knelt down and said , 'Go away from me, Lord, I am a sinful man!'.....That was what I felt.

Who can stand with his/her head lifted up when God shows His grace? We can only bow down in shame and cry, because we are not worthy. I understand why Paul said in Romans 5:20, ' Where sin increased, grace increased all the more.'

Luke 5, '...they left everything and followed Jesus.'
I would do the same. The job offer, the big catch of fish, both are just the subjects of blessing. When God opens our eyes, we of little faith see the love behind it, the blessing itself becomes secondary.

' What do I do after leading OCF? Where do I serve? OCF? Church? do Bible college? Stay in Aus? Go Malaysia? China?Africa?....' ...All these questions don't matter to me anymore. Just like the fish didnt matter to Peter anymore. I would leave everything, and follow Christ.

My heart is still thrilled. My eyes are still wet. I am truly humbled by His grace. Truly.

happy bday mom

Although I know my mom will never read my blog (she is literally a lil afraid to touch the computer), I still wanna write something about her birthday, which is today.

She is a very cute young lady, and always asks me 'is mom still pretty? is mom still young? ' , and my answer is always yes mom, u are still pretty, and u look younger each day...

I really love this young lady. 3 years ago I did not know how to love and respect her. But when I accepted Christ, He also changed my heart toward my mom. Mom is always very amazed about how this God can change her hopeless daughter.

I wish I could see with my own eyes how a young woman at my current age would get married and raise 3 children. How she had me in her tummy, how she rushed to the hospital to deliver me, how she held my lil hand when I learned to walk...I can only imagine the smile on her face.

Then I started giving her a lot of problems. I was very rebellious, I cursed her, I swore at her etc...For many many long and lonely nights mom cried in her room, dad was helpless too.

Now things have changed. God taught me to love her, I wanna do my best. I wanna let her feel that all her sufferings in the past is worth it, I wanna take her in my arms and hug her tight...I wanna pray for her (and my family) everyday so that they will accept Jesus, I don't wanna go to heaven without them with me...

Happy birthday and I truly love you mom, just in case you read my blog one day.

transformation..first love

When I was doing some house-keeping work on my laptop, I saw a folder in which I used to keep my journal.I definitely have forgotten about it. I opened and read thru the journal that I wrote back in 2003 till 2004. It shocked me to see the path I went thru.

To me, 2003 was the lowest and most depressing year in my life, because of many sins and mistakes and foolish decisions, it is marked as the darkest era in my life. Life was meaninglesss, the shame and guilt made me wanna kill myself again.

In the cloudiness and darkness, I saw a beam of light shone thru. It was God. I accepted Christ in 2003, it has become the turning point of my life.

Therefore 2003 is an interesting year, the darkest era was put to an end, and the bright era began, in the very same year. The old Siew Wai was dead,the new Siew Wai was born. He took away my shame and guilt, I no longer live in the shadow of guilt and shame.

How can I not love Him? How can I not thank Him? Whoelse can save a wretch, a crap, a rubbish, a sinner like me?

Then I read the journal of 2004. That was my 1st year of becoming a Christian. In the journal ,my prayer and words to God was like a child...Daddy,please bless this person and that person, Daddy, I love you...Daddy, Daddy Daddy...everything was about Daddy.

It amazes me, how far I have gone since then. From a baby Christian, God grew and matured me quickly, and He called me to lead OCF when I was a 2 and 1/2 yr old Christian..and now it comes to the end of serving in OCF. God has brought me this far. If not by Grace, whatelse can it be? Till today, all this still seem like a dream to me, it has been too wonderful, too beautiful, beyond comprehension.

I was losing my first love for Jesus, my heart was turning cold at a very very slow and unnoticeable rate, until today I read my journal dated in 2003. I believe God guided me to read it. It reminds me of how He has brought me out of the shadow of death.Now I can only bow down and thank Him.

I will keep this journal for as long as I can,to remind me how God has transformed me. Just like why God wanted to put the manna in the Ark of Covenant, to remind the Israelites how He has brought them out of slavery in Egypt and how He has provided them.But they forgot, therefore they rebelled.

Do not forget, do not forget how God has saved u. When you forget, your heart turns cold.

Romans 8 is my favourite. It tells us how far God has brought us thru.
1) Our flesh does not and can never submit to God, it is hostile
to Him.
2) But when we accept Jesus, the Spirit of God dwells in us.
3) The Spirit changes our mind --> changes our attitude and behaviour
-->we fulfill His law
4) We are now able to please God.

Glorious! How far have God brought me thru? This FAR:
Hostility --------------------------------------------------------->> Pleasing in His eyes
From being hostile to being pleasing, from one end to another end...I never wanna go backward.

a silent night

Just some thoughts that flash thru my mind in this silent night:

My very good friend sky is working in taiwan, on MSN, he said he was eating durian. I was like WHATTT u have durian in taiwan!! Then this fella went on describing the colour, texture , smell, taste, size etc of the durian.
It really makes me miss home madly. I mean of course not because of durian that makes me miss home. I am a durian fanatic, each time before I came back to Aus, the durian season was usually over, but dad would run around the town and always manage to find me some durians. No one in the family would ever touch those durians (out of their love for me, not fear).

I miss home. Sometimes I ask myself (and God) stupid questions like 'Why am I still staying in Australia? I should be back home serving my country and my people', this feeling and doubt is even stronger when the local people here don't appreciate the blessings that God has given them. They are very well taken care by their government, yet they complain. In Malaysia, the healthcare system is not even 50% as complete as it is in Australia. Yet the people just take in whatever that is given to them.

I really don't feel that this is the place where I will live for the rest of my life.I have not heard specific instruction from God, if He says I will go wherever He sends. Africa? China? Cambodia? Malaysia? Just tell me God.

I guess God has been preparing my physical body for mission since young. Physically I am tough, I can sleep anywhere under any environmental condition, I can eat all kinds of food under all conditions (except for meat, which is good, most poor places do not have meat), I can go in and out of the jungle, I can tolerate dirtiness, I can survive with just a T shirt and a pair of pants ( thats y now i dress up while i have the chance hehe )

Ah Tan always says she wanna be my mission partner. What comes to my mind is:
a doctor + a dentist + 2 evangelists + 2 loyal disciples + the ALL POWERFUL LORD JESUS = rock the world...muahahaha

**** Disclaimer: I didn't mean all ppl here are unappreciative, i m just referring to a bunch of patients whom i met in the hospital on a daily basis. of course, we find unappreciative ppl everywhere, they exist in malaysia as well :)

some thoughts about food

I believe every Christian should know the Scriptures, and know it very well, until we are saturated in it .

I love the word 'saturated' used by John Piper...

how i visualise it is: if we are soaked in God's Word, we eat and drink God's Word, and we eat so much that our stomachs become ever increasing in size that we will need to eat more and more of it. it is so rich in nutrients that it begins to naurish all the tissues in our bodies, every neuron of our brains is saturated in it that it changes our motor and sensory functions, i.e. our actions and the way we perceive things are changed.

It is so rich that it begins to flow out of our mouths when we open our mouths, it flows out of our eyes when we see things, it makes us smell like it because the aroma flows out of every pore and hair follicle. And wherever we go, we leave that smell there.

Just like physical food, consistent+frequent+small meals is healthier than irregular+infrequent+big meals. Eat it correctly, it does not give us indigestion or malabsorption. Parasites in our tummy will obstruct the absorption of its nutrients and leave us undernaurished , regardless of how much we eat. So before we eat, clear the parasites in our heart, so that we receive optimal effect.

it is delicious and addictive, i put one piece in my mouth and my spirit wants more. i wanna eat it all.

The Word of God satisfies my stomach. after each meal, i can only let out a sigh of relief and pleasure, and give a contented burp, and say, ' Hmmm~~~, i am fully satisfied.' ....burppppp

syncope..= faint..during surgery

After being inspired and DISCIPLINED by the old doctor of my previous placement back in June, now I am determined to learn. 3 months from now I will be graduating, therefore I start to sense the urgency to learn new things while I am still a medical student. When I start working as an intern, I will not have that time.

Therefore, I was so hardworking today that I volunteered myself to assist a total knee replacement surgery.

The surgeon cut open the knee. under the skin,fat and muscles there was the knee cap. With saw, hammer , nails and stuff , he took away a few pieces of bones from the knee and exposed the joint...the description is very lengthy so i will skip it.

The best part was, during the process of drilling, hammering and sawing the bone, bits and pieces of muscle, cartilage and bone splashed all over the place. I forgot to wear the plastic covering on my face, so...a lil bit of blood actually hit my face...

Then the nurse put on the lab goggle on me which obviously did not fit me. It kept sliding down my nose. I could not touch my face because my hands were sterile and full of blood.

I started to feel very uncomfortable and nauseous. There were 2 surgeons, slowly I saw each of them had 2 faces,then 4 faces...they began to speak like a whale 'siiieeeewww waaaiiii waiii waii~~arererere youuuuu youuuu youuuuu alllllriiiigght~~'

Then the next thing happened...I fainted..although only for 1 sec. I had to leave the operation...Thank God I did not fall on the patient ;) I cant imagine hitting my face on the cut open knee and bone.

I couldnt believe this would happen! so embarrasing! and that was not my first time passing out while assisting an operation. When I assisted an operation of the vertebrae I had a similar episode. Interestingly, both were operations of the bone. No wonder I hate orthopedics. When the first one happened my family actually had a very very good laugh about it; and this afternoon as I told them about me fainting again they laughed even louder than the first time. Inspite of my absence at home,they have never lacked any joke at dinner time because I am the joker myself..hehe.

Hmm..looks like I am not gonna be a surgeon, which is a good thing :)

Father's love letter

Saw a video clip. I have never come across any video clip like this. I couldn't upload the clip here because I don't know how to.

Go to this link. Turn on your speakers.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mmb2Vas5JHE&search=love%20letter%20from%20God

A patient died

2 days ago, one of the patients on the ward was dying. He was 80 years old, in coma when I saw him. The doctors said he would die in 1-2 days. His daughter , 50 years old,was with him all the time. That morning I felt very compelled to pray for him , so when the doctors left his room after seeing him, I stayed back.

I told the daughter I was a Christian, wanted to pray for her dad. She was shocked but glad about my decision.

Then I asked, 'Does your dad believe in Jesus Christ?'

'Not that I know of, ' she said.

I felt a sense of chill running down my spine. Death was so close, my heart was very sad, again, one soul was going to the eternal fire. This soul would be eternally separated from God.

The saddest thing was when she told me, 'Dad is going to a better place, dad is going to paradise,the world is full of sufferings, it is good he is leaving. Hopefully he will see Jesus when he pass thru the passage...'

I was very very very sad to hear that. People do not know after death, there is eternal fire and eternal sufferings,and the suffering is n times more than it is in the world, if they don't believe in Christ. People thought everyone would go to heaven.

I hope I did not hurt her feeling, I wanted to present the truth without compromise. I knew it would'n't help if I told her straight in her face that 'your dad is going to hell u know?'...so I put it in a milder way. I really hope I did the right thing.

I said, ' Only those who believe in Jesus Christ will go to heaven, so I will pray for him to wake up and accept Christ.'

I laid my hand on the old man, praying that if God willing, plz give him a bit more time to accept Christ before he died. The sense of urgency and battle against satan was really intense. My sweat was dropping (literally)

~~~

I dint go to the hospital yesterday, but today when I passed by the room, I didn't see the dying patient anymore. There was a new patient in the room.

I wonder where he is now...his body was dead yesterday, but where is his soul now?

My conviction

I spoke to God ,

'thank You for designing me and giving me my body parts.

my eyes are to see Your glory,
my ears are to hear Your voice,
my lips are to sing praises to You,
my tongue is to speak of Your glory,
my nose is to smell the fragrance of Your Spirit,
my heart is to feel Your presence and love,
my body is to do Your will.

This is not out of my own righteousness, but it is out of the reverence that I have for You.

I made a vow with You, that I want to love You with all my heart , my soul, my mind and my strength till the end of my life. But I know I cant do this on my own, I m sure You will help me. '

Am I becoming a carnivore?

This is a story about the battle between a herbivore and carnivore.
(herbivore= an animal that eats grass and other plants; carnivore=an animal that eats meat)

There was one day in 1997 after seeing a cockroach killed by my mom and lying flat on the floor, I started to feel disgusted about meat eating (I know it doesn't relate to the death of the cockroach). Then a very strong conviction grew in my heart, OK, I AM GONNA STOP EATING MEAT AT ALL. The killing of animals for the indulgance of human is very cruel.

As you know, I am a person with strong determination. I really did what I said. Therefore for 6 months in 1997 I went on without any kind of meat in my diet. Only vege and bean stuff. My mom of course had big headache because it means she had to specifically prepare another kind of dinner for me (hehe, yeah I got all her attention). When I went for chicken rice, I literally only ordered the chicken RICE, without the chicken...

But the complications came later where I felt dizzy all the time and I fainted while I played sports. And my monthly period stopped for 8 months.Then I decided to start taking FISH.

My ex boyfriend was the culprit, one day he ordered a very expensive fish meal for me. Of course I had to eat the fish. After 6 months of pure vege diet, the fish tasted very funny and I almost threw up. To cut the long story short, I started eating fish and that has been the main source of nutrients in my diet. Mom was very happy and she cooked fish for me almost everyday.Steamed fish,fried fish, stirr fried fish,sweet n sour fish,ginger fish,fish soup, fish cakes, fish balls etc.

I have a very good theory that justifies my fish (or seafood) eating diet. You see, the fish is the only kind of animal that doesn't scream when it is slaughtered. It jumps up and down, so it is happy and dancing... =)

This fish+vege diet went on for almost 10 years. Amazingly I had never been tempted to eat KFC at all..I also successfully exerted my influence on my family, we always had 3-4 non meat dishes and 1-2 fish dish on the dinner table. NO meat. My brother told me, while I was away in Australia, he enjoyed the dinner very much because mom started to make more meat dishes hahaha..

So, what happened now was, just a few weeks ago, I 'accidentally' ate a piece of roast duck. And I could't believe, it was ........so.....YUMMY...breathtakingly yummy...I finished the whole serving of 1/4 roast duck by myself :P
But the consequence of resuming meat eating was stomachache and diarrhea for days.

Then a week later I had KFC. That was my FIRST piece of KFC after 10 years. I was so deprived of KFC in the past that I ate the whole thing except for the bone. The skin was the best part and it was really fingers-licking good. My friends said KFC should get me to be their commercial model.
But again, I had days of stomach ache and diarrhea after that...

Now there is a war in my bowels. The vege disgesting enzyme is losing their stronghold, the meat digesting enzyme is invading and taking their ground. ( This is not scientific at all, please don't take it too seriously)

My dad is so hilarious, in the letter he wrote : Don't eat so much meat, it is not healthy.And my sister calls me a CARNIVORE. haha I think it was funny because I have only had 3 meat meals.And I still can't stand the pork and beef...yet.

So, it has been an interesting journey of being a herbivore for 10 years.

I do not hold on to that conviction anymore after knowing the Old Testament in the Bible. It was mind blowing when I read for the first time how the ppl slaughtered lambs and goats etc . But it sort of prepared me to accept the fact that God created animals for us to eat and enjoy.

And right now I am again having stomachache and diarrhea because I just had my 2nd piece of KFC this afternoon hehe :) Maybe I should stop taking meat...vege is good, it has never given me any problem.

the beginning of a week

Last Friday's praise and worship night was fantastic,i was really moved but that was not because we did well. God was good, His presence was in our midst from beginning till the end, i know He was with all the musicians and the crowd. it must be God, because even though i saw the rehearsal many times, my heart was still touched deeply during the actual worship session. The best thing was when I was narrating and also later giving the altar call, I saw most people crying because they were touched. Nothing is more humbling than seeing God moving and touching everyone's heart with His mighty yet gentle hand.

I always told God, 'Father, come n touch me. Just one touch of your finger tip on me will suffice. And I will be content.'

~~~~~
My Sunday is always about one meeting after another. Yesterday when I finally got home, i was so exhausted that i dozed off in the toilet. Can't believe it. I had 4.5 hrs of sleep daily, so glad that I slept as little as Napolean, but was that the reason why he was so short? Did I overwork or was it just because I didnt manage my time well?

Back to the hospital today, and it is in Elizebeth, 1 hr away from my place, 7:30 am to 5 pm daily...hmmm~~ this will be a very interesting semester.

And there are tons of tasks I need to accomplish...

very good

phew..i think God has healed me. praise Him for His great mercy. i was terrified for a while until i couldnt sit still to write a message that i will be giving on friday. definitely it was an attack from the enemy who was jealous and angry. God's voice in my mind told me to seek first His kingdom. then i prayed and prayed, a few ppl also prayed for me. my faithless heart was filled with strength again.the next morning my eye was miraculously healed :)

~~~
we had a rehearsal for praise n worship night just now. i was so thankful and i know the Spirit of God was just flowing in our midst. it was a 4 hr rehearsal, all of them, be it musicians, vocalists, narrators, OHP, PA...were giving their best for God. when it was 11pm, everyone was so exhausted. i wondered if it would be cruel to ask for one more round of practice? but in the end the result was awesome, not because we were good, but with the little bit that each of them could give, God turned it into something beautiful and powerful. i was fully immersed in the songs and lyrics that praised God.

i m so excited abt tomorrow. we are gonna present the story about Jesus with songs and narration : why He came, how He came, His life stories , and the cross, the resurrection etc. we wanted to do live recording and produce a CD for OCF Adelaide so that every new comer will get one in the welcome pack, but due to some technical problems we cant do that anymore. that is actually better, because the focus is not on us, it is on Jesus alone.

~~~
ok, shall see what will happen.

blurred vision

ahhhrrr~~i think i have had infection of the right eye. it was watery and sore in the beginning, no redness.then later it became blurred even after i took it off...i remember a while ago the Renu contact lenses solution was taken out of the market because it had the risk of causing fungal infection to the eyes and eventually total blindness. the victims had to have corneal transplantation....God, i m just so terrified. Help me..will i be blind (literally blind) and need a corneal transplant?my hands are just so sweaty now and heart palpitating... will be back to update about my vision :(((( i cant be blind! i need to do many things!