girls, you are beautiful

Out of the blue I feel like dedicating this post to my girlfriends. ALL my girlfriends in general. (Of course my dearest sister in Sydney is included, just in case she gets jealous :P...of course you are my best pal. )


Many many times I thank God for my girlfriends in my life. Many many of you have made a huge difference in my life. Many of you touched me and left a mark in my life unknowingly. My life has been enriched by God through you. And right now as I look upon my own life, I feel like crying and hugging each of you and saying truly genuinely from my heart, thank you thank you and thank you for being who you are , for being so beautiful in God's eyes, and in mine too.


I wasn't quite like this a few years back, esp before I believed in God. Being well known for my tomboyish personality, I could never get close with any girls. I disliked shopping (ehem ehem) and anything to do with cosmetics; I hated any girlish activities , for example sitting around the table sipping coffee and talking about the latest trends or spending the whole day learning to cook; I despised the idea of getting married, sacrificing your own dreams, raising up children and revolving your life around your husband. I could not stand it when girls wasted their time talking about their Prince Charming and their boyfriends, or even gossiping about other girls. Ultimately what I disliked was the whole make up of a girl's personality that's very sensitive and easily offended.


Haha I am talking as if I was not a girl ;P


Therefore I DID not have many close girl friends. Most of my close friends and even my best friend used to be guys. They were my buddies.


God is very funny and so sweet that when He birthed a new life in me, He has also given me a new heart to love girls. When I look back, I realise He first made me secure in my own identity and comfortable to be myself, then He opened doors for me to go into the lives of many girls and vice versa.


I am serious, I guess to a certain extent I did struggle with my identity. I always wished I was born to be a man because I thought I could do so much more if only I was one. It drove me nuts when someone thought I was less successful because of my gender. In primary school, I was only elected as a vice president of the prefect board just because the teachers intended to reserve the position of president for a boy, who later turned out to be someone lacked leadership. I always wanted to prove my strengths; outdoing a girl was not a concern to me, my whole aim was to prove that I could do a better job than my male counterparts.


Phew... I could never be a boy by natural gender, so I behaved like one and even wanted to be stronger than anyone of them. That's why I only wore pants, shove my hair, walked, talked and played sports like a boy. I rarely cried or whinged. Behaving like a girl would make me appear weak, I dint want that.


So God has changed me :) And not only that, He puts a very very special place in my heart for girls. Girls from all walks of life, girls in any stage of their journeys, girls of any age. I began to view girls from a different and better perspective, and through God's eye, I see the cute little princess in the every girl's heart. I want to open my arms for every girl who crosses my path, and tell each of them that they are absolutely beautiful and lovely.


I understand you, my girl friends. I m not old in my age, but I have been through a few things in my past esp before I met Christ. Insecurity, identity problem, lack of confidence/even too much confidence, depression, suicidal, rebellion, arrogance, fears, rejections, betrayal, relationships, break ups, flings and affairs, sexual promiscuity, homosexuality, drugs, alcohol, the struggles in uni and at work , loss of direction, loneliness, brokenness etc etc etc etc... and undoubtedly more new challenges will come but I am not fearful. If God has birthed a new life and hope, He will sustain me till the end.


Therefore I understand you my girlfriends. For everything that you are struggling now, I wanna embrace you and tell you God loves you, so do I.


One of the younger girls confided in me in regard to how she had been repeatedly falling into the same trap because of the wrong decisions she made. Somehow my heart was aching and burdened, I held her in my arms and wept and wept and wept. I saw myself in it, years ago, allowing myself to live a defeated life because of the wrong decisions that I made. I saw a very lonely and broken soul plunged into darkness, sobbing but no one heard her (undoubtedly God heard it). I plead with you, young girl, please don't hurt yourself by living a life according to your flesh. I understand you and wanna protect you.


...


Thank you for being there for me, my girlfriends. Thank you for being great and mighty women in my life. I feel rich, so rich, so rich. God bless your beautiful hearts.

tomorrow's menu

Ask me what I crave now, I'd scream out loud 'I want a bowl of fish ball noodles! and lotsa fried onion and coriander on top, preferably with a few drops of sesame oil. Oh yeah, not to forget the chopped chili padi.' That will satisfy my craving now, that will do:) And after that gimme a cendol with lotsa lotsa coconut milk and syrup. The meal will be completed with a BBQ pork pastry (Seremban Siu Pao), then an eggtart fresh from the oven....

Slurp slurpp..

Then the breakie for tomorrow will be wan ton noodles , a red bean bun and a cup of teh tarik.

Lunch will be chicken rice and bean sprouts in oyster sauce.

What about dinner? I'd be the happiest person if mom prepares the dinner. Steamed fish with mushroom and tofu; stir fried vege with lotsa garlic; fried eggs sprinkled with soy sauce; sweet and sour king prawns ; chef's special vegetarian dish ( only mom knows the recipe, passed down from grandma :) ) ...


To complete the day, of course I will have supper just before bed time. The best supper is when I have it with my family at the mamak near my house. Roti kosong with dal is a must-have; but usually one is not enough, I will need a plate of maggie goreng extra hot to satisfy my appetite....


Well.. there's no harm to fantasize about being home. I miss home truly madly deeply.

no topic

I am so tired! My mind has stopped functioning not just while I drove home, but it stopped way back when I discharged my last patient, handed over everything to the night crew, grabbed my bag and paced myself out of the hospital.


Driving home at 12am is not too bad at all, at least it is way better than driving home in the morning, after a night shift. I dozed off many times while I drove home after long night shifts, esp when the traffic was very slow in the mornings. As anyone can imagine, it is the busiest hour when everyone rushes toward the city for work. I, just like everyone else , rush toward the city, not for work, but off work for my bed. The fact that I have never hit the bum of the cars in front or the lamp posts or anything else is in itself a miracle. I praise God everytime when I see the sight of my house. Seriously, I am not joking!...One of my colleagues told me he banged the car in front because he was so drowsy after a night shift , ended up taking cab to work for a month. Another friend told me his car went off the road because he fell asleep whilst driving, that was after his night shift.


I am always in dilemma after each night shift. Should I load myself with coffee before driving or not? If I do, then I won't be able to sleep when I get home. If I don't, then I might not reach home alive...hehe...


So last week as usual I was driving home after a big mug of coffee (that was 2 table spoonful of instant coffee powder). The energy surge after caffeine only lasted for abt 15 minutes. Awww...I knew I gotta stop I gotta stop before anything happened, or I would have to pay thousands of dollars for any damage of other cars. So I pulled over , found an open car park, picked the most secluded spot and fell in a stupor almost instantaneously.


I guess I must have been in there for nearly 2 hours. The weather out there changed from sunny to light drizzling, then heavy rain pour, then it became windy, then sunny, then cloudy, then rainy again, then back to sunny etc...and guess what, throughout the 2 hrs I was still in this constant stupor.


I reckon doctors should have pay rise...what I am making now is less than my other friends in other fields, who spent much fewer years in the uni, paid much less uni fees, work much shorter hours and always have public hols and weekends off, who don't have to be exposed to medical hazzards such as infections and needle stick injuries etcetc... Who said doctor is a prestigous job? The reality is, I have to stick my finger into ppls anus to examine their rectums, sometimes to dig out their poo too if they are severely constipated...Hello, talk about prestige...and we don't sit in the office, it is a forever bye to long nails, tight skirts and high heels, unless I want my legs broken.


But all in all, Im absolutely in love with what I am doing :) I am exhausted physically but in here (my heart), I am rich. I know this is for me. To anyone who is interested to study medicine, think twice, don't enter the field for a wrong reason.

psalm 23...

photography

I've become very excited now whenever I think about shooting. I should briefly share about my passion for photography. It all started 7-8 years ago while I was still a young school kid (ehem at least I was much younger than now). That was before I studied medicine, I thought I would end up being a photographer for the National Geographic Magazines. I was crazy about it, I would go to those photography exhibitions and lingered till someone had to drag me out of it.My first boyfriend who loved me very much then bought me a very expensive SLR, I was the happiest person. That was my first toy.


Back then all cameras were film cameras. I remember carrying my film SLR wherever I went, to the class, the sports day, the weddings, the ceremonies, the funerals, the outdoor adventures, the trips etc...I shot like crazy, and hehe mom paid like crazy too :) the best part was, I only liked black and white films, those films were a few times more expensive than the normal colour films.


Then I kinda stopped shooting since I came to Australia. I dunno why...maybe because I have had other commitments. In that whole time of staying here, I nearly stopped doing everything that I liked. I stopped shooting, stopped painting/sketching, stopped long distance cycling, stopped going for wild adventures.


I did not realize how much I've missed photography until my friend showed me his toys a few weeks ago. Holding his DSLR and telescope lens in my hands, I felt the very raw passion for photography was once again roused.


I wanna do it once again, I wanna do it well, and this time not for myself, but I wanna do it to bless other people.
I wanna shoot ppl and cheer them up, I wanna shoot every single thing around us to remind ourselves that God cares about small things, I wanna shoot the nature to make ppl go like 'WOAaa the Creator of the universe is amazing!'


My another friend Chi Too is a photographer back home. He was one of the very first ppl who inspired me to shoot better photographs, yesterday I went to him like a 3 year old and told him I've found back my passion for photography,I was like 'Did you feel my excitement? Could you see it?!!' , he was like ' yea I can see it oozing out of your orifices.'...awwww


These are some of his recent shots in Papua New Guinea...enjoy :)

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